Letting Go- A Syn Freshie Fic PG 13

[jenstc2003]

Letting Go
Rating- PG 13

Notes- This story developed from the basic situation that has been created on the Willing Freshies Forever threads, which have taken the characters and realities from Moonlight, and gone in an alternate direction with them.

Synclaire Smythe is my alter ego in the RP and this is the continuation of her story. I don't own Mick (Much as I might like to!)

This takes place after an RP drama in which Carson had been dismissed by his vamp and asked Syn to retire. She refused and he began to send her disturbing gifts and showing up in places he knew she’d be at, asking why she didn’t love him anymore. Things came to a head at the FOS with Carson leaving, and the next morning, Syn found Carson dead in her drive way of an apparent suicide.

*Syn*
I never thought it would come to this. Here I am… at Carson’s funeral. I can’t help remembering all the things we’d done together- working search and rescue cases together, watching hours of movies and cuddling on the couch, and long evenings that had faded into sweet memories. What hurts the most is knowing how much I had cared for him. He was the first man I really loved, and yet, I can’t really say that I regret that our relationship ended when it did anymore. I would never have had the relationship I do now with the tall man standing beside me if it hadn’t, and I would have regretted that forever. I take his hand in mine as I watch the service progress. We’d stepped into the shade of the small tent that has been set up at the cemetery, keeping him out of the sun.

As if he knew what I was thinking, Mick wraps an arm around me, holding me close as he rubs my shoulder. “Hey Synful… what’s on your mind?”

I look back at him, sadly trying a smile. “It’s just- you know, this is not easy. I loved him… thought he might be “the one” All that changed… and now… he’s gone. It’s just a lot to handle”

He looks at me, his hazel eyes taking me in. It seems like he’s trying to assess how badly I am taking it, so I try to put on a brave face. “It’ll be OK, Synful. Whatever it takes, it’ll be OK.” He holds me tight, waiting for the priest to begin the ceremony.

The third member of our party looks at me, her encouraging smile a huge help. “He’s right, Probie. You know you aren’t alone.” She lays a hand on my shoulder, as if to offer me some of her strength. God knows I need it today.

I nod, smiling at Spar. “Thanks Boss- I appreciate that more than you know. “ And I meant every word. I had been so happy that she’d offered to come with me- she’s the strongest person I know, and I need that today. All of our sisters would have come, and I’d have loved to have them all around me right now, but in a setting like this, it’s better to have only one or two people anyway. Especially since Carson’s family have no idea about the fact that he’d been a Freshie.They’d wonder if I had brought more than a couple of people with me. I watch them, knowing that I’m going to have to talk to them later, but not sure how to tell them what had really happened without giving away the secret. But that can wait until after the ceremony.

As we wait, another clutch of people arrive, and I can hear Mick growl deeply. I look at them, and immediately recognize Miranda, Carson’s vamp. She looks much worse for wear, her rich chocolate hair pulled back into a severe bun, wearing a black suit with matching sunglasses which just does not suit her, and from Mick’s wrinkled nose, she apparently hasn’t had enough ice time recently. Its’ sad to see someone who I remembered as a very light hearted person so changed. She turns to look at me, and I can feel Mick’s hand move to my shoulder protectively. “Its’ OK, Mick. As much as I hate the bitch for what she did to us, she can’t hurt me now. And it looks like she’s taking it hard. Let that be her punishment. It’s worse than anything we could do to her.” He nods, clearly agreeing with that assumption.

The priest drones on, discussing some of the highlights of Carson’s life, and then the eulogies begin. One of his Freshie brothers speaks first, then a friend of his from work. Both men speak fondly of him, remembering his kindness and good humor. They both laugh as they tell how much in love with me he was and relate some of the stories that I remember. Its’ all I can do to not break down, remembering the touch of his hands, the taste of his kiss and the way he’d always made me feel. But were we ever really as happy as it seemed… or was it just me trying to have something that was tangible? Mick pulls me close, and takes my hand, kissing the top of my head. “You OK, Synful?”

I nod, sad but grateful to have that connection to him. “I’ll be OK.” But the sadness is horrible. We stand through the burial, and then I went to talk to Carson’s parents. I’d met them before, and they loved me. But when the time comes to greet them, I have to take a deep breath. It’s clear that they’re both in pieces over this.

Lydia- Carson’s Mom- is the first to walk up to me. “Dear… I’m so sorry. I know he missed you… though he never did say what happened between you. Are you doing alright?”

I’m sure he didn’t. And I can’t, so I just break away from Mick’s touch long enough to hug her. “I’ll be alright, Lydia. I was shocked when it happened- he’d acted strangely the last couple of times I saw him though. It must have taken a lot for him to do this. I wish I could tell you more than that. How’re you holding up?”

She looked at me, seemingly glad for the chance to talk. “I’m- stunned. It feels like my heart has been pulled out. I just can’t figure out why he’d kill himself- much less at your house. I can’t understand… he loved you so much- and you always seemed to love him. And I wish you hadn’t had to find him like that.”

Here we go. Mick takes my hand and I can feel Spar’s presence behind me as well. “It was a shock, to say the least. We had had an… altercation… the night before. He seemed alright when he left- just a little down. All I can figure is he came back a while later and did it. Apparently he couldn’t take the break up.” That’s putting it mildly. But the final straw was Miranda.

The haunted look in her eyes makes me immediately regret my words. “You- you hadn’t taken him back?”

I shake my head. “No… and wasn’t planning on it. We were through- noone’s fault, really, but it was just not going well for us.” That’s for sure, but it’s only half of the story. His breakdown had taken me by surprise- he’d always been such a sweet person that I’d never have expected anything else of him. That part of it was all about Miranda. But I had left him in my heart a long time before, so I guess I do bear part of the blame. I hadn’t loved him since New Orleans.

I glance across at Miranda, surrounded by a handful of her favored Freshies and it’s all I can do to keep from telling the true reason for our break up. But I manage to keep from doing so. “I wish I could stay, Lydia, but I’ve got a class to teach this afternoon. Call me if you need to talk, though. I want to help if I can. I wish it had never come to this, and I miss him dearly.”

“I know you do. And I appreciate the offer. Take care of yourself, OK?” Her soft eyes remind me of Carson’s, and the pain in them is beyond anything I could hope to help her with. But she’s a strong woman and I think she’ll be OK. It won’t be easy, though.

“I will, Lydia. Don’t worry about me. Tell Johnson I said the same, OK? I didn’t get to talk to him today.” I smile at Mick, and lean into his embrace again. GOD I’m glad he’s here, because I’d never have managed without him today.

Once she and her husband have gone on, Mick and I turn towards Miranda, and he places a hand on my shoulder. “Do you want to talk to her?” He asks, as if he knows I won’t get the chance again.

I nod, knowing that the confrontation would not be pretty for anyone. “Yeah… I should.”

We all walk over to her, Mick standing a bit aloof, but close enough to be help if he’s needed. “Miranda… I hope you know that this IS your responsibility.” The words come out barely audible for anyone besides the vamps, but she’ll hear me loud and clear.

She looks at me, apparently not sure whether to laugh or cry. “It is? You are the one who broke his heart. He did this because of you. YOU.”

I should have known better, but some people just never do understand. “NO. I simply moved on. It was you who broke us up in the first place. And then you just let him go… as if you never cared! I know better, but STILL. We could have had something last summer, but no, you were too damned arrogant and self centered to let us be happy. So here we are, and I hope you are happy.”

“I couldn’t be more unhappy, Syn. I thought you cared about him, and that he’d at least have someplace safe to land. He was so miserable without you… I thought it might be better for him. I should have known better.”

“Yes, you certainly should have. Why the HELL would you do that? What was wrong with letting us just have our relationship AND still…”

“Because it was coming between him and I. You can clearly manage balancing the two relationships, but he couldn’t. He was spending all of his time with you, and he was exhausted when he came over.” And the arrogant look on her face makes it clear that she feels every word to be good reason for breaking us up. She doesn’t see it. She JUST doesn’t see it. I should have known.

“He and I were happy, Miranda. HAPPY. And you ruined that because you were upset that he was spending time with me instead of you. Just say it.” Let’s see if she has the guts to admit that she’s responsible here… but I’m not expecting anything.

She glares at me, the vitriol in the look worse than anything I’d ever seen. “No. Because it’s not true.” And it is clear that she believes it as she flounces away, followed by her admirers. I just walk back over to Mick, and let him hold me close.

“She deserves what she gets, you know that, right?” It’s the first time he’s mentioned vampire justice in this, but I should have recognized the possibility. And if anyone deserved it, she did. I can’t muster up much sympathy for her right at the moment.

“She does. No matter what that entails. She’s brought it on herself.” He wraps an arm around Spar and leaves the other draped around me, then leads us out of the cemetery. It’s a solemn ride back to the FOS building, and then I head to my flat, not wanting to face the chaos of all the girls at the moment.

Five hours later, I am laying in my flat, trying to relax, when Mick knocks at the door. When I open it, Morg leaps on him, licking his face excitedly. Then, once he has been well and truly made welcome, she goes and lays down, and Mick leads me to the couch. “I wanted you to know- it’s over. Miranda has been taken care of. The Cleaners took her in after the funeral. Her guys have been told, and they will be given whatever help is needed to readjust to the non- Freshie life, or to find new vamps if that is their choice. I wanted to be the one to tell you. Are you going to be OK with this?” I nod lightly, then lay my head on his shoulder. He holds me close, then kisses me lightly. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. But I’m glad you decided to stay.”

I smile at him. “I can’t imagine a life without you in it. You know that. I guess I sort of understand why he could do what he did. That doesn’t make it right, though. Tell me you’ll never make me leave…”

He rubs my shoulder gently. “No, Synful. I wouldn’t ever do that to any of my girls. Not till you make the decision yourself. And I hope you will be here for a very long time…”

“Me too, Mick. Me too.” I lay my head against his shoulder, letting his presence soothe me.

[Sparrow]

Awww. that was for your muses..very well written Syn..Mick's such a good guy *sigh* Okay now I'm inspired for Dominic..yes this should make you happy

[jenstc2003]

Thanks Spar!! And Dominic will DEFINITELY make me happy!! I'm glad I could inspire! *Goes and sets up a comfy spot to read when it is posted*

Awww. that was for your muses..very well written Syn..Mick's such a good guy *sigh* Okay now I'm inspired for Dominic..yes this should make you happy

[Emma-lee]

Awwww Poor Syn..how sad, but glad Miranda was taken care of. Em was very fond of Carson too....

[jenstc2003]

*smile* Thanks Em! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[ari]

*sniffle* Where's that handkerchief when ya need it?

Excellent writing Jen!

[jenstc2003]

*Hugs Ari* Thanks!! I'm glad you liked it! It's pretty sad, for sure, but we know Syn's doing OK with this thanks to the help of Mick and her sisters.

*sniffle* Where's that handkerchief when ya need it?

Excellent writing Jen!

[francis]

I like Syn freshie, even when I haven't read everything about her yet. Could you point me in the right direction? What order do I read the stories in?
Can you explain what Miranda did wrong? Did she break Carson?

[jenstc2003]

*Hugs* Let me start with the easy part: The order is Synclaire's Story, Commitment, Secrets, Concerns of the Heart, Muddy Paws, The Great Divide, All Hallows Eve, The Birthday Gift, New Orleans and then this one. Syn's seeming change of heart in this story might be explained best by what happened in New Orleans, actually... her relationship with Mick had seriously taken precedence and had developed a lot in the meantime.

Most of the stories have something that helps to explain them in the RP itself... and most of those events are inaccessible now (most were MLL and ML4 events). The new stuff is based on what happens on sinfulsirens.freeforums.org and another site. The other site is where this happened. If you'd like to look into Sirens- get a better sense of Syn as she is played (as well as all of her sisters)- by all means PM me and let me know and we'll get you set up. *Smiles*

I can give you a low down on what happened, but the story has never been written or played out as to exactly why Miranda let him go. Essentially, she always had concerns about him and Syn being a couple while he was an Ex. That was why they broke up in the first place. I don't think that Miranda did what she did because she was mad at him, but because she felt it was more fair to him to allow him to go on with his life than keep him as an Ex when he seemed ready to move on. He took it badly, however. The rest of the events leading up to this story were played out in RP on one of the sites I play on. After he was let go, he came back to Syn, asking her to retire and to marry him. She refused, and he began to send her unsolicited and disturbing gifts and showed up where he was not expected in order to see her. This disturbed Syn pretty badly. He finally came up to the FOS one night- Mick put him in his place pretty firmly, and that night he killed himself in desperation. Syn stayed at her apartment in the FOS building that night, then found him dead in the driveway of her beach house the next morning.

I like Syn freshie, even when I haven't read everything about her yet. Could you point me in the right direction? What order do I read the stories in?
Can you explain what Miranda did wrong? Did she break Carson?

[francis]

Thank you, Jen. Now I can read the story in the right order and it will make more sense.

[AussieJo]

Dear Mick!
That Vampire needs to be cloned Jen, It's just not fair that you and your fellow RP'ers have got him all to yourselves!!

[jenstc2003]

*Giggles at Aussie Jo* He certainly does!! You're more than welcome to join us in RP as well... MickMuse asks me to inform you that he'd be more than happy to get to meet some new blood. It's time consuming, and more than a bit addictive, but it's also a LOT of fun. Or if you won't want to go for a full blown, character based RP like Sirens, there is a little bit of RP on MSS, which is not character based- we're just ourselves, having good times with the boys. You can always join in there as well. Let me know if you want to try it and I will do a bit of muse whispering and bring The Gentlevamp for you over there.

*Smiles at Francis* Awesome!! I hope it will make some more sense for you now! That's the hardest thing about Freshie Fic in my experience- the not knowing why/how certain things happened. I actually used to put links to the RP thread where the situation happened in the Freshie Fic when we were playing on MLL, since the RP threads there were visible to everyone. I wasn't able to do that on ML4 because they were kept in a private forum, and the actual play threads on Sirens (which started after WFF on ML4 broke up) are members only as well. It always just seemed to make more sense to do that, but then, it also made sense to have the private forums.

Dear Mick!
That Vampire needs to be cloned Jen, It's just not fair that you and your fellow RP'ers have got him all to yourselves!!