Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

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NocturneInCMoll
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Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by NocturneInCMoll »

Author’s note: A sequel…of sorts…to Beth and Mick’s 3rd Anniversary Party, which was a sequel…of sorts…to Beth and Josh’s 2nd Anniversary Party. Written very sloppily for the 4th Anniversary of Moonlight. Not betaed, so any bad writing, boo-boos, unbearable cheese, or ridiculous plot holes are mine. Do let me know if you notice anything particularly glaring.

I haven’t been around much lately, I know, but…I couldn’t forget about how I left you hanging last year! And the year before that…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.



Josef and Sarah’s 4th Anniversary Party (or, Keen Wolf)

The water dripped off their noses, the ends of their hair, the tips of their fingers, the edges of their clothes.

“Turn me.”

“No.”

She lurched in his arms. “Turn me. Do it.”

“No, Sarah.”

“Do it! Try again. It might work this time.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d swallowed a silver coin as a child?” He squeezed her tighter.

“I didn’t think it was relevant! I mean, after all, it came out…eventually.” Sarah stamped her foot. “How was I supposed to know that one little incident would put me into a coma seventeen years later when my boyfriend tried to turn me into a vampiress?” she hissed the last syllable.

“You’re so beautiful when you’re mad at me.” Josef grinned and kissed the scars on her neck. “These showers are lots of fun—I can see why Mick and Beth like them so much.”

“Yes, well,” Sarah said, pushing him away, “you’re not supposed to know about them, you naughty, sneaky vampire.”

“Who, me?” Josef’s eyes widened.

“That innocent little schoolboy routine doesn’t work on me, Josef slash Charles slash…Humperdinck.”

His eyes flashed. “Hey! I told you never to say that name.”

She arched her eyebrow provocatively, and he lowered his voice. “C’mon! If the freshies ever found out about it, I’d be a laughingstock.”

Sarah looked at him, her lip quivering with restrained laughter.

“It was a popular name back then, all right?” he scowled.

“What…Humperdinck?”

Josef covered his ears with his hands and left the shower, not bothering to grab a towel. Sarah quickly wrapped herself in a towel, grabbed his towel in her right hand and followed.

“Humperdinck!” She snapped his backside with his own towel. “Humperdinck!”

“Owww,” Josef jumped, rubbing his bottom. “You’re mean. I don’t like you anymore.”

“Oh, just turn me already!” she scowled. “You chicken!”

“Are you kidding? An eternity with you? A woman who calls me terrible names and gives me bruises on my tooshie?”

Her eyes flashed dangerously. “Josef Kostan! I am not playing around anymore. I look twenty-five and I’m not getting any younger. I don’t want to start to look older than you and have everyone think I’m a kangaroo.”

“I think you mean cougar, sweetheart.”

“Whatever.”

Josef bit his lip and rolled it between his teeth. “But what if it doesn’t work?”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t start going off again how Beth wrecked her and Mick’s third anniversary party by going into a coma. She felt really bad about that when she woke up, and about depleting New York City of its entire supply of AO- for three months.”

“Well, she didn’t entirely wreck it…” Josef trailed off, lost in the memory of a slinky red dress.

Sarah’s eyes narrowed. She cleared her throat, and he snapped to attention.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said quickly. “Again. I’ve spent nearly 400 years of my life without you, and that’s far too long.”

“I woke up, Josef. To you. It was the best day of my life, one I’d like to repeat for all eternity. Please give me that chance.”

Their eyes locked, and he began to move toward her. Then the doorbell chimed, and they both sighed.

“Oh, look! People are here…early.” Josef frowned and looked down. “And I’m totally naked.”

Sarah smiled smugly. “I told you people don’t like it when their guests show up early. Now you know why.”

Josef shrugged and walked toward the bedroom door with an impish grin. “I think I’ll make sure they never show up early again.”

“Josef! You can’t!” Sarah hissed after him. Putting a palm to her temple, she fell back against the dresser and waited. Once she heard the heavy oak doors open and a woman scream, she sighed and moved toward the closet. “I need a martini.”

________________________________________

“Did you, uh, just get out of your freezer?” Beth stammered, attempting to avert her eyes. Mick squeezed her hand.

Josef’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“Because you’re uh, well—the freezer is kinda cold, and—”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Happy Anniversary to you and Sarah?” she finished uncertainly.

Josef turned to lead the way into the house and Beth followed along with Mick, saying behind her hand, “Although it’s not going to be much of a happy anniversary for Sarah, if you know what I mean.”

“I can hear you, you know,” Josef gritted his teeth.

Mick frowned. “Hey Josef, is that a towel mark on—”

“No.”

“Okay…”

Josef led the way to the open living room next to the door and staircase. Mick followed him over to the bar, but Beth paused behind the loveseat which sat to one side of room.

A furrow appeared in Mick’s brow. “Beth, why are you standing behind the couch?”

“I don’t know—I feel like someone should be.”

“But this is so awkward,” Josef said, stretching. “I love awkward. And aren’t anniversaries supposed to be about the things you love?”

Someone cleared her throat, and they all looked up to see Sarah descending the stairs.

“I apologize for Josef’s lack of pants. There is no excuse,” she said to Mick and Beth, and shot Josef a baleful glance.

“Ah—my wife.” Josef held out a hand as she glided toward him. “You got dressed quickly, my dear.”

Sarah flashed him a smile. “Yes, well, I really needed a martini.” She let her eyes drift lower and shook her head. “Oh, dear.”

The doorbell rang, but before Josef could take a step, Mick held up a hand. “You know what? I’ll get the door, Josef. It’s probably just Carl and the Cleaner, and you know the Cleaner’s flair for dramatics. We don’t want any eye-gouging to occur, even if her eyes would heal.”

He moved toward the door, and everyone else followed him with their eyes.

Josef grinned. “Anyone else feel like Mick is in a horror movie right now? Like, you know, one of the ones where the idiot female goes down to the basement half-naked to check out the creepy noise and it turns out to be some psychopath serial killer monster?”

Beth and Sarah stared at Josef for a long moment and then both blinked slowly. “Yes…Mick is the one dressed indecently here,” Beth said.

Mick opened the door. His eyes widened. “It’s you!”

Before he could react, a fist came flying through the air wielding a silver stake. It struck him through the heart, and he went down.

“Mick!” Beth shrieked.

Josh Lindsey stepped through the doorway, paused over Mick’s body, and surveyed the room.

“Josh! But you died on our second anniversary!”

“That’s what I wanted you to think—I’m actually a werewolf. I slowed my heartbeat so even the vampires couldn’t detect it.”

“You played dead?” Josef snorted with glee and clapped his hands together. “Do you fetch, too? Here, boy!” He picked up a newspaper off his easy chair and threw it at him. It bounced off his head, and Josh snarled.

“Josh?” Beth said, shooting a quelling glance at the naked vampire. “Is that even possible? Going undetected by vampires, I mean.”

“Don’t blame me—blame the authors who are forced to make werewolves sneakier and cooler than vampires in order to justify the writers who weren’t bringing in werewolves until season two. I don’t know how they were going to explain nobody knowing their existence.”

“I knew,” Josef piped up.

“Sure you did.”

“Fine. Don’t believe me.”

They glared at each other until Josef spoke. ”So let me get this straight: you took—” he counted on his fingers as he stepped backward until the back of his thigh bumped into an end-table “—seven years to come back for your revenge?”

“I had to work for a while to afford the silver stake,” Josh said defensively. “There’s not much money in revenge.”

“Ah.” Josef calmly opened a drawer in the end-table, pulled out a crossbow with a silver-tipped arrow, and shot him through the heart. “Told you I knew. If you come back from that, then you’re a really good lawyer!” he shouted at Josh’s body. He turned around to find Sarah glaring at him, hands on her hips. “What?”

“I told you I don’t like it when you leave weapons lying around the house!”

“It wasn’t lying around—I put it in a drawer, Sarah.”

A groan from Mick drew their attention.

“Mick!” Beth cried. “I forgot about your stake!”

He tilted his head incredulously, and she bit her lip. “I’m sorry?”

“Take…it…out!” he groaned.

“Oh! Right…” She knelt beside him and yanked the stake out. Mick jerked upwards, then collapsed back onto the floor, inhaling and exhaling shakily.

“Mick?”

“It was a silver stake. He needs blood,” Josef stated.

Beth waved her arm in front of Mick’s mouth. “Honey, come on. I’ve got what you need.”

Mick slowly opened his eyes. “No…not yours…not like this.”

“Huh? We do this all the time, Mick! And I still haven’t figured out what that means, by the way.” She kept her arm steady before his face until he finally succumbed to his need for blood. Several moments later, when she was feeling light-headed, he stopped.

“I’m good, I’m good,” he said, wiping his mouth and laying back down on the ground. “I just need to rest for a while.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Beth murmured, running a finger along his cheekbone.

“Right back atcha, kid,” he grinned weakly.

“Josef,” Beth said suddenly. “How would you become a werewolf?”

He shrugged. “Getting bit by one’ll do it.”

She nodded slowly, then set her jaw. “Okay.” Scooting over beside Josh, she opened his mouth as wide as possible and pushed at his gums until his teeth extended.

“Beth!” Mick groaned, rolling over with his arm outstretched. “What are you doing?”

“I can’t become a vampire because of my blood type…but maybe I can become a werewolf.”

“What?”

“Would you still love me if I became very, very hairy and howl every time there’s a full moon?”

“Um…yeah…I guess!”

She glared at him.

“Is this a trick question? Yes, of course!”

“Beth, you do realize that Josh the Werewolf is dead, right?” Josef interjected.

She looked up at him, eyes wide. “Does that mean it won’t work?”

He blinked and threw up his hands. “I don’t know! No one’s ever been crazy enough to try it.”

“Says the man who came to his own anniversary party with no pants on.” She shut her eyes and prepared to impale her forearm on Josh’s teeth. “Wait…vampires and werewolves are compatible, right?”

“Boy, does that ever bring to mind some very unfortunate mental imagery,” Josef grimaced, shaking his head. “Wow.”

“Oh, forget I asked!” Beth rolled her eyes. “I could thank you for some unfortunate mental imagery as well,” she shuddered and turned back to Josh’s body.

“Josef, if this works, you have to try and turn me again,” Sarah whispered in his ear. “I won’t be the only mortal in your circle of friends!”

He sighed. “Sarah, can we talk about this later? Like when I have some pants on? I’m starting to feel very exposed. Beth keeps looking at me with a very predatory gleam in her eye—and she’s not even a werewolf yet!”

Beth shot him a murderous look and clamped Josh’s teeth over her forearm.

“Beth…are you sure about this?” Mick grunted.

“Yes. I want to be with you forever.”

“Well, when she puts it like that…” Josef quipped. “Uh, you’ll need to break the skin.”

Beth rolled her eyes. “Well, obviously!”

“Don’t encourage her, Josef!”

Josef’s eyes were locked on Beth trying to manoeuvre Josh’s jaw so she could close it with enough force. Finally he exhaled impatiently and rubbed his brow. “This is the stupidest turning ever!”

She dropped Josh’s head abruptly and it fell against the floor with a loud thump. “Then help me!” she glared at him.

He shrugged and began to move towards her.

“Stop!” Beth cried, holding up a hand and not looking directly at him. “Somebody wearing pants, please help me!”

“I’m wearing a dress,” Sarah said.

“Why do I have to be the only one wearing pants?” Mick groaned. “Beth, you want your vampire lover to help you use your dead ex-boyfriend’s body to turn you into a werewolf?”

Beth bit her lip. “You’re right, that is a weird thing to ask. Can I borrow your pocket knife?”

He sighed and rolled over so she could retrieve the knife from his back pocket.

The doorbell rang, and everyone looked at each other.

“Come in?” Josef called, picking up the crossbow once more.

The door opened and Carl and the Cleaner stopped short in the threshold. “Whoa,” Carl said, as they took in Mick, lying limply on the floor next to a silver stake; Josef, stark naked, aiming a crossbow at them; Josh’s corpse, an arrow sticking out of his chest; and Beth, frantically sawing into her forearm with a knife and shoving it into Josh’s mouth. “Wait, why is Josef dressed like Cupid?”

Josef scowled. “That’s what you wonder about first?”

“I told you being fashionably late was a bad idea,” the Cleaner hissed at Carl.

“I think I’ve got it!” Beth cried, dribbling Josh’s saliva into her wound.

Guillermo appeared in the doorway and held up two six-packs of blood. “Hey, I brought drinks and a date!” He reached back and pulled a blonde woman dressed in the black leather uniform into the room, but, upon noticing that no one was paying any attention to them, he blinked and took in the scene around him. “Wow…what did I miss? Why is Josef naked?”

“That’s it,” Josef declared, “I’m going to go put on pants.”

He began to move toward the staircase, when Beth collapsed to the floor and began to convulse.

“Hey, is anyone else getting déjà vu?”



That’s it, that’s all, folks!
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francis
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by francis »

:rolling:
“Don’t blame me—blame the authors who are forced to make werewolves sneakier and cooler than vampires in order to justify the writers who weren’t bringing in werewolves until season two. I don’t know how they were going to explain nobody knowing their existence.”
This is soooo awesomely snarky! Beth turning herself into a werewolf (gruesome details not hindering her resolve), Mick asking for the stake to be pulled and not wanting to bite Beth, Carl not getting what's going on (like always), and Josef without pants! The imagery is priceless!!! :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

And again you leave us with a cliffhanger until next year, huh? :noway:
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by NocturneInCMoll »

Thanks, Francis! :thumbs: So glad you enjoyed. And yes, of course I'm making you wait until next year to find out (five years later in story time) if Beth's "stupidest ever" turning was successful! :biggrin:

P.S. I figured Josef without pants (or anything else, for that matter) would be a hit... :whistle:
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by allegrita »

Julie, you are amazing! :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: This is absolutely priceless! I hope Beth makes it through this one, and comes out the other side immortal, albeit a little hairier than before. :snicker: And I hope that poor Sarah gets her martini. And that Josef puts some pants on at last. And that Mick feels better soon (if not, I'd be happy to volunteer to kiss his boo-boo and even feed him some o-positive!). :teeth: Oh, yeah - and I hope Josh is really dead this time. Although I totally agree with him about the poor writers having to compensate for bad planning on the showrunners' parts. :laugh:

Hey, don't end the story yet - I wanna know who G's date was!! :hyper2:
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by Lucy »

Oh, please.....don't make Josef put on pants. GREAT Party, I felt like I was there.
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by jen »

Julie

This is absolutely delightful!!!!

It is filled with all the warmth, perpetual coolness and snark of Moonlight and is absolutely hilarious, too.

Where is the Coffee Shop when you need to to recommend a true gem!!!!!!

Fabulous!!!
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by librarian_7 »

I think I hurt something. :coffee:

Thanks. I really needed this today....awesomely funny.

Lucky
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by jen »

Julie

Just got back home from work and read this again. It was funnier the second time through!!
Will Beth really turn into a werewolf?

Will Sara ever convince Josef to attempt to Turn her again?

Is Josh really dead or will he learn to fetch newspapers?

Will Mick ever get up off the floor?

Will Josef ever put on some clothes?
Please tell me these and many other questions will be answered in your next fabulous chapter.

Purdy, purdy pleeeeeeeeze.
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by NocturneInCMoll »

Alle--Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed. :teeth: We'll find out next anniversary, muse willing, if Beth finds herself immortal once she stops convulsing. I imagine Sarah gets a drink eventually, not sure when in relation to Josef putting on pants. I'm sure Mick could use the extra hand in feeling better, so go right ahead! I'm sure Beth won't mind--after all, she's unconscious at the moment! But you may want to be careful after she wakes up... Unless Josef is wrong about the silver-tipped arrow through the heart, Josh is now dead for good. As for Guillermo's date? Obviously a cleaner. Perhaps the friend that Carl mentioned last anniversary party. Maybe his will be the next anniversary... :chin:

Lucy--Thanks! Glad you enjoyed the party. Well...Josef has to wear pants if he leaves the house. :whistle:

Jen--Thanks so much! Glad you were amused. Your questions should all be answered either in my response to Alle above or at the next anniversary party. :hyper2:

Lucky-- :biggrin: Thank you! Glad it you found it so funny--sorry you hurt something... :comfort2:
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by cassysj »

I love this. If Josef doesn't put on pants soon then Sarah needs to take him back to the freezer. After her martini, of course. :rolling:
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by NocturneInCMoll »

Haha, thanks, Carol! Glad you enjoyed. I agree, Sarah needs to drag Josef off to the freezer, martini in hand. I can see it now... :biggrin:
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by jen »

Julie

Oh, man we have to wait a whole year?????

Ahem, well if we must we must. It is certainly worth waiting for! This is delightful. So much comedy going on--and I think Moonlight could have done some hilarious stuff. We have read some here and watched it play out in our heads.

If you should ever decide to update before then, I know we won't be at all disappointed...

Just sayin'

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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by lionsonleashes »

Oh my gosh, Noc! :clapping: :cheer: I loved this and I laughed myself sick in several spots! :rolling: Epecially Josef's answering the door naked, and Beth asking if he just go out of his freezer....because....well...none of us like to point it out.....but there is always....shrinkage.....when its cold! :laugh:

And then Beth desciding, 'If I can't be a vampire, I'll be a werewolf', and trying to milk saliva from a dead-again werewolf Josh, in and attempt to incoluclate herself on a dead Sire?! Or is he dead??? :worried:
You must REALLY hate the Character of Josh, girlfriend! :bash: You keep killing him off over and over again! :snicker: Anyway.....I really love this story! Can wait for more!

I'm still working, slow but sure, on my Fic. Currently almost done with Chap 31 and will post it soon. Gad....its so hard to find tim to write and post when you also have to live your RL and earn a living. :quill: :thud:

And Sarah's right! She can't be left as the only motal in the group! Josef's got to turn her!

And that was very clever, her swallowing a silver coin as a child, ultimately leading to her Coma stuck half-way!!! What a great way to explain the mysterious vamp coma the show never explained. :clapping: :cheer:

Got to go. Let's stay it touch! :hug:
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Re: Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, ...) PG13

Post by NocturneInCMoll »

Lions! Long time, no see! :hug: Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed. There won't be more of this until next year, though, in keeping with my anniversary party tradition. Josh is really dead this time (I think), but despite what you may think, I don't actually hate him! Somehow it's just fun to kill him off, I don't know... Anyway, I'll be keeping an eye out for your next chapter! :biggrin:
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