To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

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Shadow
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To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by Shadow »

Moonlight is not mine and no copyright infringement is intended.





The last few stories in this series have all turned out to be quite long, and this one's no exception. ;) This one is also posted in two parts, with the second part in the same thread.







IN BETWEEN
fifteen and sixteen






To Keep from Forgetting





“Family isn’t only about DNA,” Beth said. Mick felt the reassuring touch of her hand at the back of his neck; she gently stroked his hair, comforting him as much as she could. And she was right -- he knew that. The test results weren’t going to change what Robert and Jacob had come to mean to him. He ought to put the envelope aside, get out of the car, and go into the house to help celebrate Jacob’s return.

Instead, he put the Mercedes into gear and pulled away from the curb. From the corner of his eye, in the rearview mirror, he saw Robert coming out the front door, hurrying down the steps, watching the car drive away. Robert must be bewildered to see him leaving, but Mick couldn’t bring himself to turn back. Beth, beside him, hadn’t seen Robert, and she didn’t question Mick’s departure. She had to know how close he was to breaking down, and she seemed to understand why he couldn’t stay.

The Bionalysis envelope rested on the seat beside Mick’s knee. Mick St. John ID#56-898334 can be excluded as the biological father of Robert Fordham. Mick was okay with those results, he really was. He couldn’t help but be happy for Ray – he knew how much Ray had wanted a child of his own. Ray and Lilah had made a real life for themselves after Mick had gone away, and it was a relief to know he hadn’t ruined that for them. It must have been hard for Lilah, who’d had to carry the memories of what she’d shared with Mick, but she’d managed it. And Ray and Lilah had raised Robert together, a son to love and be proud of. Everything was the way it ought to be.

But it hurt, it hurt so much, as if Mick had lost his humanity all over again. He’d been so sure this family was his own. Robert had even seemed to recognize him, to feel a connection. But that was only because of the photograph. Growing up in that house, Robert must have seen the faded photo of Mick’s troop every day of his life. It was hardly a surprise that he’d thought Mick seemed familiar. Even Jacob had probably reached out to Mick because of the familiarity of that picture.

But at the moment he’d found Jacob, when he’d held the boy for the first time, he’d simply known that Jacob was his legacy. How, how could it not be true? Jacob had held on to him with total trust, just the way Beth had done when she was little. When Mick had put him on the stretcher, Jacob hadn’t wanted to let go. And the way Beth had looked at the boy, as if she were his mother . . .

Mick turned abruptly onto another residential street, pulled over to the curb, and stopped the car. Beth didn’t say anything, but she was looking at him with deep concern. He bent his head over the steering wheel, not able to look at her yet, and said, “Is that something you want, Beth? A family? Children?” He and Beth had joked awkwardly about a vampire’s inability to have kids, and she had seemed okay with it, but when she’d looked at Jacob on the stretcher, he’d seen the longing in her eyes.

“I don’t really know,” Beth said. “Not the same way you do. It’s not something I’ve always dreamed about. But I suppose I always expected it to happen someday. That I’d get married, and have children.”

“I saw the way you looked at Jacob last night.”

“That wasn’t for me, Mick,” she said gently. “I thought I was looking at your grandson. I was thinking about how it must feel for you.”

“It shouldn’t matter,” Mick said. “He’s not my grandson, but it shouldn’t matter.” He’s my best friend’s grandson. Isn’t that enough?

“Mick . . .”

He turned away from her, staring blindly out the window, his eyes burning. She reached out for him, putting her hand to his face, and he felt himself come apart. He’d never let himself break down in front of her before, never, not even that morning on the balcony. But this time he couldn’t stop the tears. He tried to pull away from her, but she wouldn’t let him; she put her arm around his shoulders and drew him close instead. He stiffened against her for a moment, but finally gave in. He lowered his head to her shoulder, let her hold him, and let himself cry.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, holding him tight. “It’s okay. You can let go, you don’t have to hold back. Not with me, Mick. Not with me.”















Mick found himself mourning for something he’d never actually possessed, but which he’d lost just the same. He hadn’t slept since Jacob had gone missing, and he was numb with exhaustion, but he still couldn’t sleep. He lay in his freezer staring up at the lid, and when he closed his eyes, memories overwhelmed him. Memories of the war, his terror when Ray was injured, his despair when he’d thought Ray was dead. Memories of Lilah, of the difficult, passionate, loving few weeks they’d had together. Had he done the right thing when he’d walked away from them? Should he have stayed in their lives, welcomed Ray home, pretended that nothing had ever happened between him and Lilah? He didn’t think he could have done that. But maybe I should have tried.

And he thought of Beth, and wondered how she felt. It couldn’t have been easy for her to learn about Lilah, even though it had happened so very long ago. He’d tried to be open with Beth, to be as honest as he could be, and surely that had been the right thing to do. But had his story hurt her? She’d been near tears when he’d told her how much he’d loved Lilah. But she’d also told him that his love for her had been right. And she’d been so gentle, so caring, when he’d broken down in the car. Everything was still okay between them. Wasn’t it?

When night fell outside he gave up on sleep. He got up, dressed, and went up to the roof, staring out at the city, and he didn’t go back inside until his thirst became overpowering. He went downstairs for blood and morosely checked his phone. Three people wanted to hire him for one thing or another; he erased the calls without answering them. Robert had also called, but Mick didn’t think he could bear to listen to that message. Not yet. He sat down to check his email instead. He had messages from both Logan and Elaine, and he opened Logan’s first.

I was planning to give the laptop to Elaine tomorrow, but she’s still pretty upset about an email she got recently. I don’t want to throw too many things at her at once. So I’m thinking next week. Just want to let you know.

Mick was pretty sure he knew which email Logan was referring to, and he knew just how much it had upset Elaine. He opened Elaine’s message next.

You said you wanted to know if I found out anything about Asha. I heard from Thomas a little while ago – he told me that Asha was dead. She took her own life. I know you didn’t want that to happen, Mick. I’m sorry. E.

Elaine didn’t know that he’d eavesdropped on her, that he already knew about Asha’s fate. And he also knew that Elaine wasn’t sorry at all. Her bitter rage at Asha and Thomas was never really going to fade, not even with Asha’s death. Because of what they did to me. He shook his head slowly, thinking of that. And while he was still sitting there, thinking, another message appeared in his folder. This one was from Beth.

I was going to call, but I thought you might need some space for a while. So I’ll tell you my news this way instead.

At work today I overheard some talk between Ben and Detective Novak. Novak doesn’t believe that Verdalino shot himself, but I guess that’s not a problem. Forensics will bear out your story. The interesting thing is that Ben defended you. It reminded me of the way he overruled Novak and let you in on Jacob’s case. But none of that fits with the way Ben interrogated you at the Fordhams’ house. Which still worries me, by the way. I don’t know what to make of Benjamin Talbot.

Robert called me this afternoon to ask about you. Apparently he saw us pull up and park by the house, and then drive away. I told him you’d gotten some bad news, and couldn’t face a party just then. He said that Jacob keeps asking when you’re going to come visit. I didn’t know what to tell him. I guess this is difficult and complicated, too.

I hope you’re okay. I know this all must be hard for you, and you must need time to think about it. I have a lot to think about too. If you want to visit the Fordhams after all, I can arrange it, and come with you. Remember what I said, Mick. Family isn’t only about DNA.


Mick stared at the screen for a time. He’d almost forgotten the police interrogation he’d endured after bringing Jacob out of the basement. It had seemed simple enough, and he hadn’t had to lie about anything important. He wasn’t worried about that, anyway – Verdalino had shot himself, and forensic evidence would confirm it. Mick had to admit that Talbot’s questions had been disturbing, but why would Talbot have let him in on the case if he suspected anything? Mick pushed that worry aside. Beth had written I have a lot to think about too. What did she mean by that? Was she thinking about Mick’s fathomless past, wondering how many other secrets lay hidden there? Was she thinking about their relationship, about the fact that they could never have children together? Was she upset that he hadn’t gone to see the Fordhams? It was obvious that she thought he should go.

But he shouldn’t go back to the Fordhams’ at all, not ever. It would be best for everyone if he never saw Jacob again. Mick couldn’t be part of a child’s life. In a few years it would be obvious that he hadn’t aged, and he wouldn’t be able to explain why.

He was suddenly overwhelmingly tired, all the days of lost sleep catching up with him at once. Quickly he wrote brief answers to Logan’s and Elaine’s messages. But he didn’t know how to answer Beth’s. Finally he simply wrote that he was thinking of her. He dragged himself up to his freezer, fell into it, and slept at last.














When he woke the next evening, feeling marginally better, he found another email from Beth.

I’ve been thinking of you too. And I’ve been thinking about kids. I felt something strange when I looked at Jacob on that stretcher. It felt as if Jacob was ours, together. I know that doesn’t make sense, but there it is. But don’t worry. I’m really okay with us not being able to have kids. I wish it could be different, but it’s not a deal-breaker.

And I keep thinking of the night you stayed beside me and held me while I slept. I’ve been wishing so much that I could do that for you now. But you can’t sleep in a bed beside me, and I suppose I couldn’t stay in your freezer for very long. It makes me sad that we won’t ever actually be able to sleep beside each other like a normal couple. But then, maybe it’s time that I stopped thinking about what normal couples do. Our relationship may be neither normal nor human, but I truly believe that we will find our own way.


Mick touched the screen, taking Beth’s words into his heart, letting them fill the empty spaces inside him. The love and commitment he felt from her message took his breath away. There were so many pitfalls ahead of them, so many things they couldn’t do together or have together. But Beth had the right idea, he was sure. It was time to stop thinking about what normal couples did, and find their own way. Beth’s been right all along. It doesn’t matter that she’s a human, that I’m a vampire. All that matters is the way we feel about each other. Right here and right now.

And maybe Beth is right about the Fordhams, too.

He’d given up so much, walked away from so much – he couldn’t bear the thought of doing the same thing yet again. He couldn’t stay in their lives; it wouldn’t be safe. But what harm could it do to go visit them . . . just once?















The next day Mick found himself standing on the steps of the Fordhams’ house, Beth’s hand clasped tightly in his. He reached out to ring the doorbell but before he could touch it he heard footsteps, and the door swung open. Robert stood there, looking like a different man now that he was free of grief and despair. Jacob was half hidden behind him, peering out at Mick. The boy looked excited, but fearful; his heart was beating very fast. Mick let go of Beth and knelt on the doorstep, holding out his hand. Jacob took it, then suddenly threw his arms around Mick’s neck. Mick closed his eyes and held on tight to the little boy. When he finally looked up, through a fall of Jacob’s hair, he saw Beth gazing down at him. There were tears in her eyes, but she was smiling.

Mick said, “Jacob, you remember Beth, don’t you? You met her in the hospital the other night.”

Jacob hesitantly nodded, though Mick wasn’t sure how clear his memory might be. Mick and Beth had stayed at the boy’s side until his parents had arrived, talking to him and trying to comfort him, but he’d been in a daze for most of that time. “You were there with Mick,” Jacob said shyly, looking up at Beth.

“That’s right, I was,” Beth said.

Mick got to his feet, Jacob in his arms, and Robert led them all in to the house. “I’m glad you finally came,” Jacob said. “You have to see something!”

“See what?”

Jacob pointed to a table across the room, and when Mick put him down, he ran over to it.

“It’s something that Jacob saw the other day,” Robert said, glancing uncertainly at Mick. “I hoped that you could explain it. Jacob is convinced that it’s you, but that just isn’t possible . .”

Mick's breath caught when he saw that Jacob was leaning over a photograph, staring at it in fascination. It was the same photograph Beth had seen, the one of Mick and Ray with their troop in 1944. This was the photograph that Robert had grown up with, the one that had made him think that Mick was someone familiar. Jacob turned the picture over, and Mick saw the list of names written on the back. The name Mick St. John was right beneath Ray Fordham. Beth was staring at Mick wide-eyed, and her heart was racing.

Mick steadied himself and carefully took the photograph from Jacob, pretending to examine it. He flipped it over, studied the list of names, and shook his head. “I have a copy of this photograph,” he said. “That’s my grandfather. The name was passed down.”

“He looks just like you,” Robert said. “Exactly like you.”

“Strong genes in the family,” Mick muttered. “The men all tend to look alike.”

“But that is you,” Jacob protested.

“No, Jacob. That’s my granddad. He and your grandfather were best friends back then, during the war.”

“Your grandfather and my father?” Robert said in astonishment. “But you said I didn’t know your family. And I can’t remember my dad ever mentioning the name.”

“I don’t think he would have,” Mick said. He didn’t really even have to improvise; he could mostly stick with the truth. “My grandfather and your father had a falling out just after the war. They never spoke to each other again. I’m not surprised that your father never mentioned him.”

“Oh,” Robert said, looking overwhelmed. “But Mick, why didn’t you tell me about that? Is that why you came here to help, because of the family connection?”

“It is, but – I was afraid to tell you. I thought you might know about the bad blood between them, and if you did know – well, I thought you might not let me help.”

“Good Lord, Mick, I wouldn’t have turned down help from my worst enemy. But that doesn’t matter. It was just so extraordinary seeing your face in this old picture. The resemblance is so remarkable. Beth, you saw it too, didn’t you? That’s why you asked about the picture.”

“Yes, I did,” Beth said, clearing her throat. “I didn’t understand it either. I had to ask Mick about it.”

“That’s neat,” Jacob said happily. “It’s like we’re in the same family! But what’s a falling out?”

“Well, it’s kind of like an argument, or a fight,” Mick explained. Though he’d never actually let it come to that.

“That’s all? They should have just made it up, and been friends again.”

It’s true, they should have, Mick thought sadly, but Jacob didn’t give him time to dwell on it. “Mick, do you want to see my room? I’ll show you.”

“Sure,” Mick said, and Beth started to follow them to the stairs, but Robert moved to stop her.

“Beth, I wondered if I could talk to you for a minute? And Julie will be here soon, we wanted to ask you a couple of things . . .” he glanced anxiously at Jacob, and Mick realized he wanted to talk to her without Jacob overhearing.

“Come on, buddy, let’s check out your room,” Mick said, and Jacob eagerly took him upstairs, not seeming bothered when his father and Beth didn’t follow them. With vampire hearing, Mick could easily hear the conversation below, and he concentrated on it as well as on Jacob.

“I understand that you had something similar happen to you,” Robert said to Beth. “That you were kidnapped when you were a child.”

“How do you know that?” Beth asked, a little stiffly.

“I overheard Mr. Talbot say something about it to you. When you were talking about real life monsters.”

“Oh,” Beth said, her voice softening. “Yes, that’s right. And it’s true. I was kidnapped when I was four.”

“I didn’t know – I don’t know how to ask, but I wondered if you could tell us about it. How you dealt with it, what problems it caused you. We’re just so worried about Jacob.”

“Has he been having any problems?”

“Not really. I mean, he doesn’t want to be left alone, and he won’t sleep in his room at night, but surely that’s to be expected. But he won’t talk about what happened – he just freezes. And all of this is bound to cause him problems later on. I want to be able to help him through them.” Robert paused for a moment, then asked, “What was it like for you? Were you locked up by a madman, like Jacob was? And then rescued?”

“Yes, except it was a madwoman who took me,” Beth said. “And I was rescued by a private investigator that my mother hired.” Mick could hear the sudden warmth in her voice.


Jacob tugged at his hand. “That’s where the bad man came in,” he said, pointing up at the ceiling and shivering a little. “Daddy had it all sealed shut, so nobody can ever get in that way again. He says it’s safe now.” Jacob’s voice was doubtful. “But I don’t know.”

Mick climbed up on the bed and touched the ceiling. The metal panels were gone, and fresh wood and plaster had taken their place. “Your dad’s right. There’s no way to get in through there.” Below, he heard the front door open and close, and Julie Fordham’s voice entered the conversation below.

“But what about the windows? And the door? Someone could get in that way, couldn’t they?”

“They could, but they won’t.” Mick sat down on the bed, and Jacob crawled up beside him, huddling close. Mick put his arm around the boy. “Nobody’s going to hurt you again, Jacob. I promise you.”

“How do you know?”

“How did you manage?” Julie Fordham asked Beth. “How did you get past the fear?”

“I wasn’t really ever afraid,” Beth answered. “That was because of the man who rescued me. I always felt as if he was watching over me, keeping me safe.”


“Because I’ll be watching over you,” Mick said to Jacob. “I’ll make sure you’re safe.”

“You will?” Jacob said, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“I will. Even if you never see me again, I’ll always look out for you.”

“I’ve really been scared,” Jacob whispered. “He wanted me to be scared. So I don’t want to be, but I can’t help it.” Jacob was crying now, silently, holding back his emotions in a way no six-year-old ever should. Mick pulled the boy into his arms, and Jacob clung to him and finally started to sob. Time passed without Mick’s notice, and only part of him was aware when the conversation below stopped, when footsteps came up the stairs. Robert looked in first, abruptly blinking back tears of his own, and he gently pulled Julie away when she would have gone to her son’s side. Mick’s gaze met Beth’s for an instant, and then she was gone as well. Just for this moment, there was nothing in Mick’s world but Jacob. How will I ever be able to stop myself from coming back? But he knew he could do it. He’d done it with Beth, and with Rosie. It would nearly kill him, as it had before, but he could do it. And I have to.

When Jacob had finally cried himself out, Mick took him to the bathroom and gently washed his face. After he’d toweled himself dry, Jacob grabbed Mick’s hand and led him back into the bedroom.

“Daddy said I could have a different room if I want,” Jacob said very seriously, glancing at the ceiling. “Do you think I should do that? Or should I stay in this one?”

“I think it doesn’t matter. If you want another room, you should go for it. If this room has bad memories, there’s no shame in moving out.”

Jacob went to his window and looked out for a moment, and then turned back to Mick. “This is my room,” he said firmly. “I like it. I’m gonna stay here.”














As they drove away from the Fordhams’ house, Beth looked shaky, as if the conversation about her long-ago abduction had brought it fully to life in her mind again. It had come back to Mick’s mind as well, with awful clarity. Images of Jacob kept mixing in his mind with memories of Beth when she’d been little. Jacob hugged him goodbye at the front door and begged him to come back; little Beth wrapped her arms around his neck and asked him not to cry. Mick looked at Beth in the seat beside him now, and also saw the little blond girl who’d ridden in that same seat so very long ago.

“I’m going to go back,” Beth said suddenly, when they were two blocks away from her apartment. “I might be able to help Jacob, just because I’ve been through something so similar.”

Mick was startled, but after a moment, he nodded stiffly. That would be good for Jacob, to have someone near him who really understood. But to know that Beth was visiting him, that she was part of Jacob’s life . . .

“What about you?” Beth asked.

Mick shook his head. “I told you. Just the one visit. I can’t go back.”

“Mick, anyone can see how you feel about Jacob. You adore him. Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“What else am I supposed to do? He’s going to get older. I’m not. It won’t work, Beth.” He pulled up in front of Beth’s apartment and slammed on the brakes, stopping the car.

Beth paid no attention to the jerky stop. “That doesn’t mean you have to drop out of his life now. You could have years before anyone noticed.”

“And then what?” Mick asked bitterly. “In five years, or ten, what do I do? Disappear without a trace? How would Jacob feel about that?”

“You could tell him the truth.”

“No. That’s not possible.”

“Why not?” Beth asked, her voice rising. “What, would it break vampire rules? Is that why you won’t do it?”

“It would break every vampire rule there is. But that isn’t why I won’t do it.”

“Why, then? Is it the same reason you never told me?” Her voice was starting to shake. “Why didn’t you ever come back to see me, when I was little? Why did you always watch from a distance, and never come near me for twenty-three years?

“Beth, you know why. You were only a child. I couldn’t burden you with a secret like that!”

“Are you sure that was the reason? You never did tell me the truth, even when I was an adult, even after we’d met again. I had to find out on my own. If I hadn’t, you’d still be hiding from me, wouldn’t you?”

“I – I don’t -- ”

“What were you planning to do if Jacob really was your grandson? You said you thought you’d found your family. You must have meant to be part of their lives.”

Mick shook his head again, dazed. “I wanted to be. It seemed like such a miracle, like anything was possible. You’re right, I was imagining that I could be part of their lives. But it was just a fantasy. I could never have actually done that. I could never have told Robert he was my son. How would I tell him something like that? I can’t just -- ”

His voice broke, and he couldn’t go on. He’d never known that Beth felt that way, that she’d been so hurt by his secrecy. But how could he have done anything differently? He couldn’t have stayed in Beth’s life any more than he could now stay in Jacob’s. Some things were impossible, no matter how much you wanted them.

“No, you can’t,” Beth said, very low. She put her hands to her face and drew in a deep, shaky breath, and then looked up at him. There were tears in her eyes again. “Oh God, Mick, I’m sorry. You can’t tell your secret now, and you couldn’t then. I know that. Believe me, I know. You couldn’t take the risk, and I wouldn’t want you to.” Her voice sounded haunted, and Mick knew she was thinking of Dean Foster, remembering what she had done to keep Mick’s secret safe. “Talking to Robert today, about my kidnapping . . . it upset me a lot more than I thought it would. I was so alone back then. It’s worse, somehow, knowing that Jacob must feel that way too.”

“But he won’t be alone. He’ll have you.” Mick hesitantly put his arm around her, and she leaned against him, her face pressed against his chest. Relieved, he drew her even closer. “I’m glad you’ll be visiting him,” he murmured. “It’ll make me feel better, knowing you’re part of his life.”

“You’re sure it won’t make things harder?”

Mick sighed, leaning down to rest his head against hers. “It’ll make things harder too.”

“Oh, Mick. I want you to be with him. I want him to be your grandson. I want that damn DNA test to be wrong. I even had the test redone at another lab, to be sure.”

“You did?”

She nodded. “Same result, of course. They don’t ever get those tests wrong. But I had to know. It just hurts to think of you watching Jacob from a distance, when I know how much you care about him. I don’t want you to be on the outside looking in, not any more.”

He kissed the top of her head. “It’s part of life for me. That’s just the way it is.”

“I don’t want it to be that way,” she whispered, putting her arms around him. He held her close, for a long time. Mourning with her, for times she’d never known, for something he had somehow lost yet again.
















When he finally got home, Mick was still thinking about the Fordhams. It was pure heartache to know that he’d never go back to the old Victorian where he’d spent so much of his childhood, never again feel Jacob’s small arms tight around his neck, never again see that look of recognition in Robert’s eyes. He walked now through his parking garage, head down, feeling the cool tracks of tears drying on his face. Why did this family haunt him so? He’d rescued dozens of kids in his time, and he’d never felt like this before. Except with Beth. But everything was different when it came to Beth.

He crossed the lobby, got into the elevator, and froze, breathing in sharply. His hand moved automatically to the stake he kept in his pocket. A vampire had just been in this elevator . . . an old vampire . . . and there was something else as well. He realized what it was, and who it was, just as the elevator doors opened on his floor.

There was a redheaded woman standing in front of his door, scribbling a note on a piece of paper. A black-and-white dog sat beside her. The woman looked up as Mick stepped into the hall, and he saw her face.

“Esme?” he said, stunned. The dog, at her feet, pricked up his ears and wagged his tail.















Esme had taken a seat on the couch. Mick sat hesitantly in the chair across from her, hardly able to believe she was here in his apartment. She had always seemed so ethereal to him; someone who was just out of reach, not quite belonging to the world. Was part of that the aura of a vampire, seen by a human? He’d never met her before when he’d been a vampire himself, and she seemed so much more accessible now. But he could tell she was uncomfortable here, even nervous. He glanced down at her dog . . . Tangent, how appropriate . . . and then back up at Esme.

“I’m sorry,” she said abruptly. “I didn’t expect . . . I thought you’d still be human. Did it -- did it just happen?”

“No, it was a while ago. A few days after I saw you last.”

“Oh. I thought . . .”

Of course she could see that he’d been crying. “I just found out some bad news. That’s all.” He spoke with finality, not wanting her to ask about it.

“I see,” she said hesitantly. “But I really am sorry. I thought you’d have more time.”

“So did I. But it was never a real cure.”

Esme nodded. “It’s strange, though. I knew you were a vampire, I knew it had to be true. But somehow I don’t seem to have quite believed it. I still think of you as that young mortal American medic, you know.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“It doesn’t feel so very long ago to me.” Her eyes were downcast, and Mick wondered how old she really was. Much older than he was, he was sure, though he hadn’t realized that before.

She reached down to pet her dog, and Mick’s eyes were drawn back to Tangent. “How do you do it?” he asked impulsively. “How do you make an animal trust you that way? I brought home a cat when I was human, but when I turned back, he was terrified of me. I had to find another home for him. Could I have found a way to make him trust me?”

Esme seemed startled by the question, as if no one had ever asked her such a thing before. “Most likely not, with an adult cat,” she said. “But I couldn’t really say. I don’t know much about cats. I’ve always worked with dogs, or with horses.”

“Always?” Mick asked curiously.

“Always. Even when I was mortal. My father was a skilled horse trainer, and everyone was dependent on horses at that time -- including vampires. So vampires, out of necessity, came to him. My father never knew he was training horses to accept a vampire’s touch. He only knew there were certain people that horses feared, and that he had to find a way around the problem.”

“Then your father taught what you know?”

She nodded proudly. “He could teach almost any horse to overcome these fears. I helped my father with the horses from the time I was a little girl.”

“And your dogs?”

“They’re more difficult than horses. I usually start with newborn pups, and even then it only works some of the time. Tangent is one of the very few I was able to train as an adult.”

“And he doesn’t fear you.”

“No, he doesn’t. Not any more. He did once, but . . .” With a thoughtful look, Esme got to her feet. She walked across the room to Mick’s side, and Tangent followed her hesitantly, looking curiously at Mick. She gave the dog a little push, and suddenly Mick felt Tangent’s nose against his hand. The dog was hesitant, not as trusting as he’d been when Mick was human, but he certainly didn’t react the way animals normally did to vampires. “I thought so,” Esme said with satisfaction. “He doesn’t fear you either.”

Tangent tilted his head, studying Mick. “Does he know me?” Mick asked. “From before?”

“I'm really not sure. I can’t tell from your scent that you’re the same person now, but perhaps he can. He does seem rather curious about you.”

Enchanted, Mick slid from his chair to the floor, and the dog sat contentedly beside him. Esme hesitantly joined them on the floor. Mick, stroking the dog, was startled when she suddenly lifted her hand to touch his face.

“What is it?” he asked.

She moved her hand away. “Mick, what was your bad news? Why were you crying?”

He hadn’t wanted to tell her anything about it, but her touch, and her compassion, changed his mind. “Because I thought I had a family, and I don’t. Because I want to be with them anyway, and it’s impossible. They’re mortal, and I can’t tell them what I am. Esme . . . you’ve been around a long time.” She had so much in common with him; was there any chance that she had found an answer? “How do you manage it? How does an immortal deal with these – these mortal feelings?”

“I don’t know,” Esme said simply. “In my whole life, I’ve never allowed anyone to stay near me, whether they were mortal or not.”

“Not even other vampires?” Mick stared at her in disbelief. Why would anyone stay so isolated? And for such a terribly long time?

Esme nodded, eyes downcast. “Not until someone finally freed me.” She looked up at him then, very steadily.

“Freed you?” Mick said uncertainly.

She didn’t answer. Instead, she reached out to touch his hand. “Your ring.” Her voice was unsteady. “May I look at it?”

“Why?”

“Please. Just for a moment.”

Slowly he slipped the ring off his finger and handed it to her. She held it in her palm, staring down at it, turning it slowly from side to side. The crystals in the cross caught the room lights, gleaming.

“Where did you get this?” she asked.

“It belonged to a friend of mine,” he said, watching her. “He’s dead now.”

She nodded tightly. “When I saw you before, I knew there was something familiar about it. And I finally remembered what it was. Tyler never wore it while I knew him, but he showed it to me once. It was important to him.”

“You knew Tyler?” Mick whispered. Suddenly, it seemed to be difficult to breathe. “Tyler Mackenzie?”

“Yes.”

Esme handed the ring back to him, and he took it from her, automatically sliding it onto his finger. It was true; at one time, Tyler hadn’t worn this ring. It was Mick who had convinced him to start wearing it. “How did you --”

“I turned him.” She wasn’t looking at Mick, and her face was half hidden by a fall of hair. “I would have stayed with him, if I could. But it wasn’t meant to be.”

“You’re Tyler’s sire. You – but how --” Mick’s mind was suddenly racing. Tyler had cared for his sire, deeply, but had never so much as told Mick her name. She doesn’t want me near her, Tyler had said sadly. She has enemies in her blood family, and she wants to keep me clear of them. Tyler and his sire had stayed apart, communicating only with letters, for almost thirty years. But those enemies had still come after Tyler, in the end. “It was your blood family that killed him,” Mick blurted out. “You tried to keep him safe, but . . .”

“I had never meant to turn anyone,” she said quickly. “Not only for the obvious reasons . . my own turning was a nightmare. . . but because of my sire and my blood brothers. They destroyed everyone I was ever close to. I had a lover once. I learned never to take another, never even to have a friend. Anyone I cared for would die. How could I ever presume to have a fledgling? But then I met Tyler, in hospital during the war, and – and everything was different then.”

“He told me he was badly injured at the time he was turned,” Mick said slowly. He could scarcely even grasp the other things that Esme had told him; he set them aside for now, and concentrated on Tyler. “Paralyzed, in a wheelchair.”

“It was worse than that. He was in constant pain, more than he could bear. There was so much life hidden within him, so much joy – I could sense it – but when I met him, he asked me to help him die.”

“Tyler wanted to die?” Mick could scarcely even imagine it. But Tyler had had to deal with more than physical pain. As a human, he had never recovered from the war. How was it that becoming a vampire had saved Tyler, when it had so nearly destroyed Mick?

Esme nodded. “At that time, I’d heard nothing of my sire for decades. So I gave Tyler the choice. I told him all the possibilities, all the dangers. He wanted to take the chance.”

“It was a new life for him,” Mick said, remembering. “A chance to start over, and leave the war behind. He wanted it. God, he loved being a vampire so much. It really was a gift for him.”

“I stayed with him for a year, to teach him all I could, and then I pretended to be angry with him, and sent him away.”

“To protect him from your family?”

“I didn’t really believe they would ever leave me alone. It was only a matter of time. But I thought maybe, if they believed I didn’t care for him, they’d let him alone. It didn’t work.”

“It worked for a long time, Esme.”

She nodded stiffly, her head bowed. “I felt it when he died,” she whispered. “I knew what must have happened, who had done it, but . . . Mick, were you there? Were you with him?”

“No. I wish I had been.”

He could see it all as if it had been yesterday: the milling crowds on the campus, the lines of yellow police tape, the bloody stain on the sidewalk. They’d already taken Tyler’s body away. But Tyler was a vampire; how could he be dead? Had he been injured so badly that he’d had to pretend to die? Would he reappear later, ruefully shaking his head as he packed up his things to move on? Mick remembered those wild, desperate hopes, all torn away forever when he’d knelt on the bloody sidewalk to take in a deep breath of the past.

Tyler was walking on that sidewalk, surrounded by a small group of chattering students. He was the very image of an eccentric professor in the floppy hat and long coat that shielded him from the sun, and his students were all carrying instruments and talking breathlessly about music. A young girl in a purple T-shirt skipped alongside Tyler to ask him a question, gesturing with her flute case, and as he turned toward her, a shot rang out. The girl screamed, dropping her flute, and fell to the ground. “Take cover!” Tyler shouted, and as more shots were fired he became a blur of motion, shoving his students to the ground, flinging himself over them to shield them with his body. Then three bullets hit him almost at once, all three striking him in the back of the head. Mick could see the wounds, the blood; he could feel Tyler’s life slipping away.

And he knew
what the killers were. Three bullets hitting at once, in the precise spot that could kill a vampire . . . it had been set up to look like a human crime, but only vampires could have done this. Only vampires.

Mick opened his eyes. He was in his apartment, sitting crouched on the floor, and Esme’s hand was resting on his. He could hardly breathe. The memory had never been this vivid before, never. And Esme must have seen it all with him -- she had gone very pale. After a moment she drew away from him, putting her head in her hands. Her dog crept to her side and lay down beside her. Mick leaned back against the couch, breathing hard. He felt overheated, and he was sweating, but Esme looked chilled. She drew a deep breath and finally looked up at him, her eyes haunted.

“Tyler saved all the kids,” he said. “Only one girl was hit, and she survived.”

“He would have been so glad of that,” Esme whispered.

“Yeah.”

“And he would be glad to know his death was avenged. That was you, wasn’t it? You sensed his killers. You found their scent; you knew they were vampires.”

“Yes. And I finally tracked them down.” For that part, vampire senses hadn’t been enough -- he’d had to rely on old-fashioned detective work. “I tried to take them out, but I couldn’t do it alone. I had help.”

“From another friend of Tyler’s?”

Mick shook his head. “From my ex-wife. She’d been following me. I guess she figured I was going to get myself in over my head.” The memory of that moment, the knife cutting deep into his throat, usually gave him a chill, but he still felt hot. He pushed back sweaty hair and fumbled at his coat, trying to get it off. Why was he still wearing it?

“Mick. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I guess the air conditioning must have gone out.” He got the coat off, left it on his chair, and went to check the thermostat. It claimed that the temperature indoors was sixty-five degrees, but that couldn’t be right. It had to be a hundred degrees in here; he could almost feel the sun beating down on him. “What’s wrong with this thing? It’s so hot.”

Esme was suddenly beside him. “It isn’t hot,” she said, and she touched Mick’s hand again. “You aren’t even feeling this, Mick. Someone else is.”

“What?”

“Someone you’re close to.” Beth, Mick thought in confusion, but he knew it wasn’t her. Esme went on, “A fledgling perhaps . . .”

“Oh God.” Mick pulled away from her and stumbled back to the chair. He grabbed his coat, reaching into his pocket for his keys. “It’s Elaine. It’s fire. She must be . . . she must have . . .” His old nightmare flooded over him: the air full of smoke, fire leaping into the sky, Elaine’s house collapsing in a ruin of flames.

No,” Esme said urgently, catching his arm and holding him back. “It isn’t fire.”

“How do you -- ”

“It’s sunlight.”

How does she know? What if she’s wrong? But Esme was still holding on to him, her eyes clenched shut in pain, and he knew that she was – somehow – feeling this even more clearly than he was. “Sunlight?” he breathed. “She’s outside?”

Esme nodded, slowly releasing her grip. “Outside for too long. Sunlight. Sunlight on water, reflecting.”

“I know where she is.” Keys in one hand, coat in the other, Mick ran.








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Last edited by Shadow on Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:40 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Shadow
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by Shadow »

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The beach had been beautiful the last time Mick had been there. Blue water and golden sand, sunlight sparkling on the waves, all of it delighting his eye. Seeing Beth in the sun had been pure joy, and the warmth of the sunlight had felt so good when he’d opened his shirt and walked along the shore. He hadn’t quite dared to wear swimming trunks, since he could have turned back at any moment, but he’d soaked up the sun just as much as he could. Nothing had ever felt better.

Now, he could scarcely see the colors – it was all too bright, too intense, even behind sunglasses. The water and the beach both glared white in his vision. He stumbled across the sand, pulling the collar of his coat up as high as it would go, trying to huddle under it. Scantily-clad beachgoers gave him curious stares as he passed, but he ignored them all. There was only one person here that he wanted to find.

He’d passed her house on the way, and had found it intact and empty. Esme had been right, it hadn’t been fire. And if it had been fire, it would all be over now. I wouldn’t still be feeling it. He’d only gotten out of his car a few minutes ago, but the terrible burning heat made him feel as if he’d been in the sun for hours. He struggled on through the sand, casting about for Elaine’s scent. She had to have come this way, if she’d walked from her house, but right now, it was hard for Mick to detect any scent at all. The passing, staring humans were only pale blurs, unless they came too close. Then, the smell of their blood became overwhelming. Mick veered away from a group of children and abruptly dropped to his hands and knees. Elaine. He’d found her trail.

He got back to his feet with a struggle and moved on. He passed a group of teenage boys, and then turned back to stare at them. One of them had a laptop. With Elaine’s scent on it. That laptop was hers, Kevin’s, the one that Logan had promised he wouldn’t give back to Elaine without telling Mick first.

“Where did you get that?” he demanded, pushing his way in front of the boy who was holding it.

“Hey, it was just lying there. I only picked it up,” the boy said, backing away nervously. Mick grabbed the laptop out of his hands and walked away with it, ignoring the shouts and protests of the boys. He clutched it desperately, as if it could lead him to Elaine, and called down curses on Logan’s head. Logan had given the thing back to Elaine without telling Mick and without even looking out for her – how could he have done that? Logan had known perfectly well how much it was going to upset her . . .

Mick suddenly saw Elaine, and forgot about everything else. She was sitting near the water, hunched over with her hair shielding her face and her legs tucked under her skirt. She didn’t react at all when he ran up to her. He dropped the computer and fell to the ground beside her, pushing back her hair to look at her face. Her skin burned hot against his hand, and her eyes were closed. She scarcely seemed to be conscious.

“Elaine,” he said. “Elaine, look at me.”

Slowly she opened her eyes. They had turned a dangerous shade of yellow, and her expression was dazed. She was looking past him, not at him. “Chloe?” she whispered.

“No, Elaine. No. She’s not here.” Mick stroked Elaine’s face gently, his heart breaking. “It’s Mick.”

She seemed to hear him, and her eyes finally focused on him. “Mick?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Elaine, we have to get you out of here, okay?”

Her gaze fell on the laptop he’d dropped at her side and she reached out for it, trying to pull it into her lap. “Oh, there it is,” she murmured. “I thought I’d lost it. Mick --”

“Please, Elaine. We’ve got to go.”

“Mick, I didn’t get this from ebay. It was Kevin’s. Logan broke the security on it, but he didn’t tell me.”

“He didn’t give it to you?”

She shook her head. “I took it while he was asleep, to see how far he'd gotten with it. He probably had it done ages ago. I suppose he thought it would upset me. Imagine that, huh?”

Mick tried to smile. He was desperate to get her out of the sun, but Elaine wasn’t going to move until she’d told him what she needed to say. “Guess he was right,” he said gently.

“But it’s so strange. When I looked at the files --” She cradled the laptop, almost caressing it. “When I looked, I found exactly what I wanted to find. It was what I wanted. Why did it hurt so much to see it?”

“What do you mean? What was it you wanted to find?”

“I was so afraid that I’d ruined Kevin’s life. I wanted – I was hoping that he’d forgotten me and gone on, that he’d made the most of the time that he had. And he did, Mick. He did. It’s all in here. He never mentioned me at all. He had other lovers. He was happy. He -- ”

She choked off a sob, and Mick folded her into his arms. He’d never expected this, that she would have wanted Kevin to forget her. But he understood. It was just the way he felt about Ray and Lilah. He was relieved, beyond measure, that he hadn’t ruined their lives. And at the same time, he was heartbroken to have been so completely forgotten that their son hadn’t even known his name.

“I know,” he whispered to Elaine. “You loved him enough to want him to be happy, no matter what.”

“But he forgot me. I wanted it, but I can’t stand it, I can’t.”

“Elaine. He may not have written about you, but he never could have forgotten you. Nobody ever forgets a love like that. Not even if they have regrets later.”

Ray and Lilah had never mentioned Mick to Robert, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t thought of him. Lilah, especially. What had she carried in her heart all those years, without ever telling a soul? With the timing of Robert’s birth, Lilah must have believed that her child was Mick’s. There’d been no way for her to ever know that Robert actually was Ray’s son.

“You think he really remembered me?” Elaine whispered.

“I know he did.” Mick carefully lifted Elaine to her feet, his arm around her waist, and she didn’t resist. The heat of her body radiated against him and she swayed, stumbling. Mick’s vision was clearer now, and he was stronger; it was as if, now that he was with Elaine, he could separate her feelings from his. He guided her into the water, half carrying her, and the waves splashed cold against their legs. When they were hip deep he lowered Elaine all the way into the cool water, drenching both her and himself, and then stood up, lifting her into his arms.

“Oh,” she murmured. “That’s better . . .” She clung to him, her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes against the sun. Mick stopped on the sand just long enough to pick up the laptop – he knew Elaine wasn’t ready to let go of it, not yet. Even soaked in seawater, he could feel her tears hot against his shoulder. But she was holding on to him, she wasn’t letting go. And he would never let go of her.

I’ve never had children and I never will, but she’s my daughter just the same.

He carried Elaine across the hot sand, holding on to her tightly, making his way to the car as fast as he could. She was just as physically sick as he had been in the desert; she was dying here, in his arms. She needed blood, and cold, and she needed them quickly. Please, let me be in time.

Please, let her want to live again.


















Mick didn’t waste time picking the lock on Elaine’s door. He kicked the door in, pushed his way inside with Elaine in his arms, and shoved it shut behind him, closing it as well as he could. He gently put Elaine down on the bed, then rushed to her fridge and opened it. He hadn’t even thought to bring a cooler of blood with him; he hadn’t been able to think. But there was blood in Elaine’s fridge. He ripped open a bag, filled a glass, and carried it all to Elaine’s side.

He lifted her head, holding her against his body, and held the glass to her lips. Her body desperately needed blood – he knew exactly how that felt – and to his relief, she transformed instantly and gulped the blood down. He fed her one glass after another, until finally she was sated. He’d found ice packs in the compartment above her fridge, and he piled them over and around her on the bed. He ought to get her into her freezer now, but he was afraid of losing contact with her. What was she thinking, what was she feeling? Was her mental pain any less now, or would she want to walk straight back out into the sun? He adjusted the heavy curtains at the living-room window, making sure that no sunlight could penetrate the room. He pulled up a chair by the bed – just as she did, when I lay in this room – and sat beside her, watching her. He could almost see the blood working to heal her. After a few minutes, she turned her head, opened her eyes, and looked at him. As he watched, her pale blue eyes slowly turned back to deep brown, and the deadly yellow color faded away.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“You don’t need to be.”

“But you had to come after me. I didn’t mean for you to have to do that. I -- ” She looked past him, at the laptop, which he’d put on her small table. “I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t, really. I didn’t want to die.”

He stroked her wet hair gently, not knowing what to say. She stopped his hand, taking it in hers, and said earnestly, “It just hurt so much inside. It felt better when my body hurt too. I didn’t even realize what I was doing. And then it hurt too much to move.”

“It’s all right. Elaine, it’s okay, it really is. I might even know what you were feeling, at least a little. I’ve felt the same thing, being glad of something and having it kill me at the same time.” He pulled her to him and hugged her close, and she clung to him like a little girl. But when she let go of him, and lay back among the ice packs, she looked worried.

“What made you feel that way?” she asked.

He hesitated, not sure if he should tell her. But she wanted to know, and maybe it would distract her from her own troubles. So he told her all of it . . . growing up with Ray and Lilah, his impossible love, the war, the affair . . . and he told her how he felt about Robert, and about Jacob, and about the DNA results that were still tucked away in the glove compartment of his car. And Elaine listened, seeming to re-live every moment with him. By the time he’d finished, her ice packs had almost melted, her hair was dry, and she was sitting up beside him. She hadn’t looked once at Kevin’s laptop, still in plain view on her table. She was looking at Jacob’s picture instead, a photograph that Robert had given to Mick. It had still been in Mick’s pocket.

“He looks like you,” she said. “I would have thought he was yours, too. Could there be a mistake in the testing? I mean, your sample was awfully old.”

“No, it’s been verified. And it doesn’t matter how old the samples are.” Mick hesitated, then said, “You really think he looks like me?”

“I really do.”

“I feel such a connection with him.”

“Even though you aren’t related?”

“Yeah. Even though I can’t ever see him again.” Mick stared down at the floor.

“Why can’t you?”

“You know why. Better than anyone. And he’s only six; I can’t even think about telling him the truth.”

“Well, not when he’s six,” she said, subdued. “But I’ve thought about it a lot. About what I might have done differently with Kevin. What if I’d waited for years to go by, so that we could get really close? What if I’d worked my way up to telling him, and gotten him prepared, instead of just springing my secret on him? Maybe he could have accepted it then.”

“Maybe.”

“So maybe you could do that with Jacob. Work up to it over the years, and tell him when he’s older.”

Mick shook his head. His lack of aging would never go unnoticed for more than ten years, and Jacob would still be a teenager then. “I can’t. I wouldn’t dare try.”

Elaine bit her lip, but she didn’t argue with him. She handed Jacob’s picture back to him, and he stared at it for a moment before slipping it into his pocket.

“Mick,” she said softly.

“Yeah?”

“When does it stop hurting?”

He glanced up at her. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Maybe never.”

She nodded sadly. “I wish it had been real for you,” she said. “I don’t know why, but I like the idea that you might have had a kid, back when. You ought to be a dad.”

“I am.”

She looked at him in confusion. “You just told me that you weren’t.”

“I’m not Robert’s father. But I have a daughter.” He took hold of her hand, thought for a moment, and decided to say exactly what he meant. “A wonderful, beautiful daughter. And she means the world to me.”

Elaine stared at him blankly for a long time. And then she leaned against him, let him take her in his arms, and held on to him as if she would never let him go.













She’ll be all right, Mick thought as he drove home the next night. She will. He wasn’t quite sure why, but he hadn’t felt so positive about Elaine since he’d turned her. Was it because she’d said, straight out, that she hadn’t wanted to die? Was it because of the way she’d reached out to him, holding on to him more tightly than she ever had before? Was it because I finally told her exactly how I feel about her?

Logan was with her now. He’d been frantic when he’d arrived at her house last night, having awakened to find the laptop gone. We were both so afraid of how she might react. But she was stronger than we knew, and she has ties to this world again. She didn’t want to die, and I saw the way her eyes lit up when Logan came into the room. Mick had fixed her door and stocked her fridge, and she was in the company of a man who truly loved her. The look on Logan’s face, when he’d come through the door, had convinced Mick of that. It should be safe, now, for Mick to go home to his own freezer and finally get some rest.

He opened his apartment door, and then stifled a groan. Josef was sprawled on the couch, his feet up on the table and a book in his hands. Damn. Mick sighed. Maybe he shouldn’t have ignored Josef’s last two phone messages.

“So, you are still alive,” Josef said amiably. “I was starting to wonder.”

“I’ve been busy,” Mick said, heading for the hidden fridge. He’d replenished Elaine’s blood supply, but he hadn’t dared to drink any of it himself. He knew, all too well, how much blood she would need for her recovery.

“Yeah, you were on the news again, weren’t you?” Josef sat up, putting down his book. “I’m glad you found the kid. Did you – ah – get results on that DNA test?”

Mick poured blood into a glass and took a swallow from it. “It was negative.” He saw an envelope resting on the counter by the sink, an unsealed envelope labeled only Mick. Putting his glass aside, he picked it up.

“Oh,” Josef said, looking downcast. “I’m sorry about that. I really am. I was hoping that would turn out differently.”

Mick shrugged, trying to pretend he didn’t care. “It’s probably just as well. It would have been complicated.” He opened the envelope and took out a slip of paper. Esme had left him her name and email address. She wanted him to contact her again, thank God. He still had so many questions to ask her.

“Since when did complicated ever stop you?” Josef said dryly. “How do you know Esme Morrison, by the way?”

Of course Josef wouldn’t have been able to resist taking a look inside the envelope. “She’s Tyler’s sire,” Mick said. “How do you know her?”

“Me? I don’t. Never met her, but I heard about her when she came into town. A beautiful loner, goes her own way, helps out mortals . . . somehow reminds me of you. Any complications there? Does Beth have anything to worry about?”

“Of course not,” Mick replied, annoyed. He felt close to Esme, true; he had a connection to her, but it was something entirely different from what he felt for Beth.

“Just asking, just asking. And how is Beth doing?”

“Fine. She’s gotten a new job.”

“Oh yeah? Doing what?”

“Civilian investigator. She’s working for Benjamin Talbot.” Mick couldn’t help the way his voice twisted on the man’s name.

“Oho. You don’t like her new boss, do you?”

Mick sighed and poured more blood. “No. I don’t like him. And it’s mutual.”

“Well, that sounds entertaining.” Josef smirked. “Fortunately for you, I can offer you a way to impress Beth properly. Her boss won’t be able to compete with this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of glossy tickets. “Two tickets to the dedication and grand opening of the Sarah Whitley Memorial Sports Arena.”

Mick raised his eyebrows. “You bought a sports arena?”

“I made a few contributions,” Josef said modestly.

“They let you name it in return for a couple of dollars in donations?” Mick smiled, and then turned serious. “It’s a good name, Josef.”

Josef waved this away, looking embarrassed. “So, are you coming?”

“Well . . .” Black tie and high society, all the things that Josef loved and Mick did not. But it would be a chance to spend an evening with Beth.

“There will, of course, be dancing,” Josef said smoothly.

“Dancing?” Women always liked to dance. And Mick couldn’t help but imagine Beth in some floor-length evening gown, smiling up at him as they moved to the music in each other’s arms. He hadn’t taken Beth out on a proper date since they’d gone to the Arbor Bistro, and it was about time that he did.

“So I’ll expect you and Beth to be there,” Josef said with satisfaction.

"I have to ask her first."

“Fine. Call me when she says yes.” Josef cleared his throat and added, “I’ll be bringing Simone.”

“Simone?” Mick couldn’t think of a vampire by that name, and it took him a moment to put the pieces together. “You mean your lawyer? The one who’s also your freshie?”

“That’s the one.” Josef looked exceptionally pleased.

“Well, that’s a surprise. I thought you made a point of never dating a freshie.” It was a very firm rule of Josef’s, in fact. Mick was suddenly very interested in meeting Simone again.

“She’s not my date,” Josef said, a little too quickly. “She just wants to go to the party, so I’m taking her.”

“Riiight, Josef. She’s not your date.”

“Exactly.” Josef got up, straightened his jacket, and handed Mick the tickets, heading for the door.

“Hey.” Mick gestured pointedly at Josef’s dirty glass and open book.

Josef rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, but he turned around and put the things away. “Good enough?” he asked Mick, setting the glass in the sink.

“Good enough. But I want to ask you something.”

“Fire away.”

“About Elaine.”

“Ah.” Josef returned to the couch and sat back down, folding his hands in his lap. “About why she hates my guts?”

“Yeah. She said she’d had it out with you, recently, but I didn’t know if she was telling the truth.”

“She was.”

“What was it all about?”

“Something I said to you, right back at the beginning. I didn’t even remember it until she told me. But anyway, you were having a guilt-fest about those two people Elaine killed, and I told you they didn’t matter. There were only two, and nobody was going to miss them.”

Mick closed his eyes, putting his hand to his head. He remembered now, too. Josef had been reminding him of how much worse it could have been. If she’d taken you out, it would have been goddamn Armageddon, Mick. But you stopped her in time. Two deaths don’t even signify. Elaine must have heard that. And she’d understood so much more, back then, than they’d realized. She’d heard Josef say that Chloe didn’t matter.

“I don’t take back what I said,” Josef went on. “In the big picture, it was true. But I am sorry it hurt her like that.” He paused, and looked up at Mick almost apologetically. “I never thought all that much of her, you know. You weren’t cut out to be a vampire, and she seemed ten times worse. But she’s a fierce one. I never knew how protective she’d be of you.”

Mick had thought he would be furious with Josef, whenever he found out what had happened, but he wasn’t. It wasn’t really even Josef’s fault – he’d only been trying to ease Mick’s mind. And no one could have imagined that Elaine would understand his words. Not then.

“Thanks for telling me, Josef,” Mick said.

“Well, she’ll never forgive me. But we can work together if we have to.” Josef looked thoroughly uncomfortable with this serious discussion. “Speaking of people who aren’t cut out to be vampires,” he said, “I’ve met this Logan Griffen of yours.”

Josef sounded utterly horrified, and Mick grinned. “I understand he’s been doing some work for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course I’m going to use him. He’s a genius. But who in their right mind would turn someone like that into a vampire?”

No one in their right mind had, in fact -- Mick had gotten the story from Logan while Elaine slept. Logan and his sire had both been thoroughly intoxicated when it had happened. Mick couldn’t help wondering how Logan’s sire had managed to get high; it wasn’t an easy thing for a vampire to achieve. Well, it did happen during the sixties, and at a science-fiction convention, at that. Logan had been a willing turn, in a way, though he hadn’t really known what he was doing. This far-out woman asked if I’d like to be a vampire, Logan had told Mick. And at the time, it sounded pretty cool. When I came down off the high, though, it was kind of a surprise. It had apparently been a surprise for his sire, too, but she’d taken good care of her unexpected new fledgling. Mick wasn’t totally certain – Logan might not have told him everything – but he didn’t think that Logan had ever killed a soul. I think he was spared that. Just like Tyler.

When Josef left, Mick picked up Esme’s envelope again and sat down at his computer. He typed in Esme’s address and then stopped, wondering what to say. He couldn’t ask what he wanted to ask in an email. He’d need to see her in person for something like that. Elaine’s okay, he finally wrote. I need to talk to you again sometime. Let me know when we can meet.














Mick went to see Beth the next day, the tickets to Josef’s event safely tucked into his pocket. He was halfway to her place before he realized he didn’t know when she got home from work these days. Well, if she wasn’t home yet, he could swing by her new office and find her there. He really didn’t want to run into Talbot, though. So I hope she’s home by now. He parked in front of her apartment and got out of the car, pulling up his collar and shading his eyes from the sun.

He’d just started up the outside steps of her building when the door burst open and Beth herself came out. Mick took an involuntary step back, because she wasn’t alone. She was holding a little boy by the hand, a dark-haired little boy who was looking up at Mick with utter delight.

“Mick!” Jacob cried, and Beth, staring shocked at Mick, let go of the boy’s hand. Jacob ran headlong down the steps and threw himself at Mick. Dazed, Mick reached down to catch him, and with only the slightest, painful hesitation, he lifted the boy up into his arms, holding him close. He wasn’t supposed to do this, wasn’t supposed to ever see Jacob again . . . but how could he let go now? “Beth said you couldn’t come!” Jacob said happily. “But she was wrong, wasn’t she?”

“I guess she was,” Mick managed to say, his voice very rough. I shouldn’t be doing this. I should leave now, before things get any more complicated. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to convince himself to put Jacob down. But he was drowning, now, in the scent of the boy’s hair.

“I didn’t think – Mick, I’m sorry -- ” Beth was stammering, obviously distressed. “I should have told you not to come over.”

“I should have called first.” Mick rocked the little boy in his arms. He ought to leave now, immediately, but he knew he couldn’t. He simply didn’t have the strength. How had the Fordhams been able to bring themselves to let Jacob out of their sight? “Why – why is he here?”

“An emergency in Julie’s family. I don’t know what happened, but Robert and Julie didn’t want Jacob involved with it.”

“I wouldn’t have thought they could leave him.”

“I don’t think they could have, except with you or me,” Beth said, meeting his gaze. “They trust us.”

Jacob had his face pressed against Mick’s shoulder, and he didn’t seem to be paying attention to Beth’s words, but it would probably be better if they got off this subject. “Where are you guys headed, anyway?” Mick asked the boy.

“To the ocean!” Jacob said. “Come with us, okay?”

Mick glanced at the sun. It was still high in the sky, and all he could think of was the blazing-white hell he’d so recently endured. He put Jacob down in front of him and hesitated, trying to find the words to explain why he couldn’t come.

“We could go up to Malibu, to the coast road,” Beth suggested, watching him. “And we could go there in a roundabout way. I’ll bet we could get there somewhere close to sunset. If you want to come.”

Mick looked from her to Jacob, and back again. They both wanted him to come, he wanted it more than anything, and nothing terrible would come of it. Nothing like what had happened to Esme, nothing like the horrors that had left her so completely alone. This is difficult, and complicated, but maybe, just maybe, it can be done. “Yes,” he said to Beth. “I want to.”














Beth drove east on Interstate 10 at first, away from the coast, and then headed north on the 405. She was taking a circuitous route, deliberately using up the daylight. Jacob didn’t question her directions. He was tired, and he fell asleep in the back seat before they’d been on the road for fifteen minutes.

“Robert said Jacob isn’t sleeping at night,” Beth said softly. “He has nightmares. Like I did.”

“Your mother told me.”

“She kept in touch with you?”

“For a while. It was a long time before you slept through the night.”

“I remember that. A little too well, actually,” Beth said. She drove in silence for a time, her hands tight on the steering wheel. Then she said, “Ben knows that I was kidnapped. I’m not sure how he found out.”

“I suppose he has access to everyone’s records.” Mick felt a twinge of jealousy, thinking of all the open-air lunches she and Talbot had shared. And it was obvious that Talbot didn’t like seeing Mick and Beth together. He seems way too interested in her. The job suits her, but I wish she’d found a different boss.

“I have a lot of access now, too,” Beth said. “Ben asked me to do some research on Verdalino. To try to find out what his motivations were.”

“What have you learned?”

“Not much. I thought someone might have terrorized him when he was a child, but there’s no evidence of it. I’ll keep looking, but I’m not expecting to find an answer. There’s something else, though.”

“What’s that?”

“I’ve done some research on Ben as well. I found some information on his job history. He used to be on a totally different track – he had a job as a trial lawyer at a top law firm in Chicago. A few years ago, he abruptly quit his job and disappeared. Literally, for months. When he resurfaced, he took an ADA job in New York City, for about a quarter of his former salary.”

Mick frowned. “That’s where he was working before he came here? In New York?”

“Yes. He worked at several different offices during that time – Brooklyn, Manhattan, the Bronx. He seemed to be settled in New York. But when the job came up here, he took it immediately. He still had open cases at his old office, but he just dropped them. Don’t you think that’s odd?”

“Maybe. But if he was really intent on getting this job, he might have been afraid they’d give it to someone else.”

Beth looked unconvinced. “I still think it’s odd. And I really want to know what happened during the time he dropped out of sight. I’m going to keep digging.”

“Let me know what you find out?” It probably didn’t signify anything more than his own jealousy, but Mick felt something wrong about Benjamin Talbot. And this new information made him a little uneasy. I think I’ll do some investigating of my own, too. Just in case.

“Of course,” Beth said.

“You know, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with you working for this guy,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “Here you are, trying to find out everything you can about him. Did you ever do that for me?”

“Oooh, still jealous. My plot is working.” Beth grinned and eased into the right lane, getting ready to exit onto the 101. The traffic was getting thick, and they were moving slowly now. “So tell me . . . do I have anything to be jealous about? What have you been up to the last couple of days?”

Mick hesitated. He wanted to tell Beth about Elaine, but it still felt too soon, and he certainly couldn’t do so with Jacob in the car. This wasn’t the time or the place. “Well, it’s nothing to be jealous about. But I saw Esme,” he said instead.

“Esme?” Beth said, startled. “You mean . . .” She glanced back at Jacob to make sure he was still sleeping. “You mean 'starts with a V' Esme? With the dog?”

“Yeah. With the dog. She came by to see me.”

“Oh.” Beth stared straight ahead, and seemed to be concentrating on the traffic. “How come?”

“She recognized my ring when we met before. She came back to ask me about Tyler.”

“She knew him?”

“She sired him.”

“And you didn’t know that?”

Mick shook his head. “He was never able to tell me about her. It was – well, it was complicated.”

“Wow. Were they. . . together? Like you and Coraline?”

“I’m not really sure. They were close, though. I know that.”

Beth swallowed. “So you and Esme have even more of a connection than you thought.”

“I guess we do. Through Tyler.” He frowned, suddenly catching her distress. “Beth, what’s wrong?”

“I just thought – well, maybe that’s the answer. For you.”

“What are you talking about?” Mick was lost.

“She’s a vampire. She could be with you forever,” Beth said in a small voice. “I haven’t even met her, and I totally like her. She has so much in common with you. Trying to help people, to do some good. And -- ”

“Beth.”

She fell silent, her gaze on the road.

“Beth, I want to be with you. Only with you.”

She glanced at him with a hesitant smile. “Do you mean that?”

“With all my heart.” Mick reached into his pocket and pulled out the tickets Josef had given him. “In fact, I was coming to see you with the express purpose of asking you out. I happen to have two very special tickets to the society event of the year . . . or so I’m told by Josef. It’s, um, actually a party to open the new sports arena he funded.”

Beth laughed, relaxing completely. “Is this event so fancy that you’ll have to wear a tux?”

“Absolutely.”

“In that case, I can’t wait to go.” She gave him a speculative look. “Will you be wearing a bow tie?”

”Only in your dreams."

“Hmmm.”

Beth was still eying him, as if her next question might be boxers or briefs? What had brought that expression to her mind the other day? He cleared his throat and said, “And what will you be wearing?” Right now she had on jeans and a red camisole top. What would she look like in a red dress, something gorgeous and floor-length and flowing?

“I’m not telling,” Beth said. “In fact, I may have to do some shopping. How long do I have?”

“It’s two nights from now.”

“The day after tomorrow? You don’t give a girl much time to get ready.” She merged into the snarled traffic on the 101, glancing at the signs. “I don’t want to get to the beach too soon. Where do you think I should get off the freeway?”

“Just keep going for a while,” Mick said. “If we exit at Oxnard, we can follow the coast road back south. I know a couple of nice beaches along there.”

As if he’d heard the word beaches even in his sleep, Jacob stirred behind them and sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Are we almost there?” he asked hopefully.

“A little while longer, buddy,” Mick said.

“Oh,” Jacob said sadly. Then he brightened, looking out the window. “Want to play I Spy?”

Mick smiled. He could almost hear an echo of Rosie’s voice, asking exactly the same thing in the middle of a long car journey. Mick and Sam had always indulged her with the game, delighting in her bright curiosity and imaginative guesses. Some things never change. “Sure, Jacob,” he said. “You start.”














At sunset the beach was a different world, nothing at all like the afternoon nightmare Mick had been in yesterday. In the cool of the evening he walked along in a dream, hand in hand with Beth, watching Jacob run ahead of them. The sun glowed on the horizon, slowly dipping below it, and the waves shimmered deep gold. The harsh heat of the day had melted away, and Beth and Jacob both wore light jackets over their summer clothes, though they’d rolled up their jeans and left their shoes behind.

“I’m not saying it isn’t traumatic,” Beth said, "but having friends move away is part of any child’s life. When the time came, you wouldn’t need to just disappear. You could move away, and everyone would understand that. Eventually, you could just lose touch. That’s the way it happened with my best friend from fifth grade.”

“That’s an idea,” Mick said. He could even try Elaine’s suggestion, and if that didn’t work, he could simply move away. Esme’s story had given him a different idea of what difficult actually meant.

“Do you mean you’ll try it?”

Mick nodded. “I want to. Would that – would it bother you if I did?”

Beth stared at him, and stopped for a moment. “You know me too well,” she said at last, and started walking again. She hadn’t let go of his hand. “But I really do want you to stay in his life.”

“I wish I could have been in yours,” Mick said softly.

“I know. And you were, really. I always knew you were there, even though I never saw you.”

Jacob came pelting back to them, full of exuberant energy. “Race with me! I’ll bet I can beat you!”

“I’ll bet you can’t,” Beth said immediately.

“I can! Mick, watch!”

Jacob raced off again, and Beth, laughing, ran after him. Mick watched them with delight. They both ran into the water, splashing, and when Beth caught up with Jacob she scooped him up in her arms and held him tight. Her gaze on him was blissful, almost maternal. As if he’s really ours. And then Mick stopped breathing, because he knew he’d dreamed this moment . . . Beth with her little dark-haired boy, this look on her face, the beach at sunset. An impossible dream, but Beth has made it real.

When Mick joined them, moments later, he found Jacob nearly asleep on Beth’s shoulder. He took off his coat and spread it out on the sand, and Beth carefully put Jacob down on top of it.

“I’m not sleepy,” Jacob protested, but he didn’t lift his head.

“Then you don’t have to sleep,” Beth assured him.

“Good,” Jacob said, and fell asleep at once.

The beach was nearly empty now; no one was else was in sight, or even within range of Mick's hearing. He sat down beside Beth, pulling her close to him as they watched over Jacob. After a moment, Beth shifted even closer, moving to sit in front of Mick, and he wrapped both arms around her waist. Her jacket hung open in the front, and he could feel the warmth of her body against his hands.

“About moving,” she said, leaning back against him. “I think it’s an awfully good idea for you anyway. It worries me that you’ve been in the same city for so long. Even if you do like the weather.”

He smiled. “It’s not just the weather. There’s someone I know who lives here.”

“Oh, you’re finally admitting it? But that’s not much of a reason not to move.”

“Yes, it is.” He leaned down to rest his head against hers. “I don’t want to ever leave you.”

“Mick, I’m not tied to this city. Didn’t it ever occur to you that I would follow you? Wherever you go?”

“Would you?”

“Of course I would.”

Truly, it hadn’t ever occurred to him. Beth was here, she’d been in Los Angeles all of her life. He’d never even thought of her moving away. It was astonishing to know that she’d be willing to leave her home and her whole life behind, just for him. But maybe he really shouldn’t be surprised. He’d do the same for her.

“Mick,” she whispered, resting her hands on top of his.

“Yeah?”

“With that super vampire hearing of yours, can you tell how deeply Jacob is sleeping?”

Mick listened to the boy’s slow, steady heartbeat. “Very deeply,” he said. He knew what she was thinking, and his own heartbeat quickened. “But he could wake up at any time. I wouldn’t have much warning. We can’t --”

“I know.” She lifted his hand to her face, pressing her lips to his palm. “But you can kiss me, can’t you? You can touch me . . .” She shifted in his arms so that she could turn her face toward him, and almost in a trance, he leaned down to kiss her. Her warmth flooded over him, dazzling him, making him come alive. That’s why I can feel so much when I’m with her, even though my sense of touch is dulled. Part of what I feel is what she’s feeling. Her mouth was open to him, and he lost himself in the kiss, his hands moving slowly over her body. He could hear the way Beth’s heartbeat and breathing changed at his touch - such an advantage to any vampire who wanted to please a human lover, Josef was right about that – but there was so much more in this moment. He brought his hands to her breasts, caressing her through her top, and he could feel her response in his very soul. He knew how much she had longed for this touch; he felt how desperately she wanted more. Their connection was undeniable: forged when they’d first met, strengthened when her blood flowed into his veins on a dark desert night. If I took her blood now, would our connection be even stronger?

Mick broke free of Beth’s mouth and kissed his way down to her throat, carefully pushing her hair out of the way. She trembled under his kisses, slowly tilting her head to expose her throat to him more fully. He held her close, watching the pulse of her carotid, listening to its hypnotic beat . . . and he felt the change come over him. He didn’t fight it and he wasn’t out of control; he wanted it, and he could feel that she did too. From Beth he felt desire, excitement and fear, but even though she was afraid, she was ready for him. She lifted her hand to his head, holding him where he was, and he felt the sharp tips of his fangs brush against her skin.

Ever since he’d fed from Beth in the desert, his craving for warm, living blood had been revived, and it was almost impossible for him to resist what she was offering him now. And he didn't want to resist. But slowly, slowly, he pulled away from her throat, bringing both hands back to rest at her waist. He couldn’t do this in a public place, with Jacob only feet away. He shouldn’t do it at all. But he could sense Beth's disappointment as as he drew away from her.

She turned to face him, clasping her hands at the back of his neck and looking deep into his pale eyes. Her voice was very soft. “Are you still afraid of losing control?”

“No.” And he wasn’t. He wouldn’t hurt her. He could never hurt her, not when he’d be able to feel so much of what she felt. What would it be like to feel that way while I made love to her?

She kissed him, and then deepened the kiss, undaunted by his fangs. She pushed him back against the sand and lay beside him, and with a moan, she reached out to undo the buttons of his shirt.

“Beth . . .”

“I know. Jacob’s right over there. But it’s only normal for a guy to have his shirt off at the beach.”

She planted warm kisses across his chest, nearly driving him mad, and then snuggled up close to him, resting her head against his shoulder. Even the feel of her hair brushing against his bare skin was intoxicating. “Oh, Beth,” he murmured. “We’ll really have to find a private place one of these days.”

“And a private time,” Beth said. “You know, we have a date coming up.”

“We do, don’t we?” She’d gotten sand on her face; Mick gently brushed it away. He felt his eyes darkening, his fangs receding, but her gaze on him didn’t change. “Maybe we could go somewhere after the party.”

“Mm. Your place or mine?”

“Anywhere.” He hoped, fervently, that everything would go smoothly at Josef’s party. But really, what could go wrong?

“I thought you gave away your bed,” Beth said.

“I did. But I can always pick up another one tomorrow.” In fact, he could clean out the storage room and make it into a proper bedroom, a place where Beth could feel comfortable and welcome.

“Then it’s a date, Mick St. John,” Beth whispered.














The last traces of light faded from the sky, and the stars came out. Mick carried Jacob, wrapped in his coat, against his shoulder, and Beth walked beside him, her hand in his. Mick looked up at the stars. They were faint, as always, in the Los Angeles haze. What would it be like to move to another city, someplace where one could actually see the night sky? Maybe he’d do it someday, someday when Josef and Elaine had moved on and it was time for him to leave Jacob behind. Beth said she’d come with me. She said she’d follow me.

“Let’s stop here, just for a minute,” Beth said. “I’m not quite ready to go back.”

She sat in the sand and Mick handed Jacob down to her, settling the boy in her lap. Jacob murmured something, opening his eyes for a moment, and she gently stroked his hair. “Shh, it’s okay,” she whispered. “You’re safe with us. Mick’s here.”

“How long before we have to take him home?” Mick asked, sitting down beside them. Watching Jacob in Beth’s arms was making his heart ache.

“I don’t know. Robert wasn’t sure what time he’d be getting back tonight. He said he’d call.”

“Jacob’s already asleep again.”

“Yes. He must be exhausted. I’ll bet he hasn’t really slept for days.” A cloud of memory crossed her face, as she thought of the reason why, but as she watched Jacob, her expression cleared again. She looked down at the boy tenderly, and Mick put his arm around her. As she leaned into his embrace he listened to the steady sound of her heartbeat, and suddenly he felt saddened by it. Time was passing by for her, while it wasn’t for him. In five years, or in ten, what were they going to do? He’d been refusing to think of that problem, but they’d have to face it sometime. She’ll get older, and I won’t. He didn’t care that she’d be older, he would love her all the same, but she might not be able to bear it. And how could he bear it when, like all other mortals, she died while he went on? Yet the other option seemed unthinkable. How could he even consider turning her? She’d asked for it once, but now that she knew more about the vampire world, she’d never mentioned the idea again. But what will happen when she starts to get old? Will she want it then? If she stays with me, will she have to make a choice that no one should ever have to make?

“Mick, you’re miles away,” Beth said, close to his ear. “Come back to me. It’s so beautiful here.”

She was right. They would have to face these problems sooner or later, but it didn’t have to be now. Not when a dream was coming true right in front of him. I truly believe we will find our own way, Beth had written to him, and he would have to hold on to that. Heart and soul.

Beth’s body was warm against his. All Mick’s worries drifted away, carried off by the knowledge of her love for him. He listened to her heartbeat, and to Jacob’s. And for this moment, he was utterly content.













They were on their way back, driving south on the coast road, when Beth’s phone rang. It was Robert, home again and checking on Jacob. “We’re on the road now,” Beth said. “We’ll be there soon.”

The time passed by much too quickly. But it wasn’t as hard for Mick as he’d imagined, when he took Jacob by the hand and led him up the stairs of the old Victorian. Because I’ll come back, and I’ll see him again. Robert opened the door almost instantly, and caught Jacob up in his arms. “Mick!” he said, his eyes lighting up. “It’s good to see you. And Beth, thank you so much. I’m so glad you could both look after Jacob. Please, come in.”

They followed Robert into the house. Robert was holding Jacob very tightly – it must have been incredibly hard for him to leave his son even for a moment. “Is everything all right with Julie’s family?” Beth asked, as they moved through the living room.

Robert sighed. “As all right as it can be, I suppose. Julie’s niece is in quite a bit of trouble. Julie’s going to stay with the girl tonight and come back tomorrow. She’d stay longer, but she’s got to get back to Jacob. We’re both a little crazed about being parted from him. Thank God we had you two to look after him.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Mick asked. “With whatever trouble Julie’s niece is in?”

“I can’t think what you could do. She overdosed this morning . . . ” Robert glanced at Jacob, making sure he wasn’t paying attention to this adult conversation, and then went on. “But we’ve found a good rehab program, and she’s willing to go into it. I don’t really know what else can be done.”

“I don’t either,” Mick said gently. “I’m sorry. I hope she’ll be okay.”

“I think she will be; I really do. Careful, Jacob, don’t pull my hair like that . . .”

Jacob giggled, looking over Robert’s shoulder at Mick and Beth. “Daddy has a hair hat,” he said confidingly.

“Now, Jacob, you know you’re not supposed to talk about that,” Robert said, leaning back to grin at the boy.

Mick felt his heart stop. Beth was standing shocked, with her mouth open. “What – what do you mean?” Beth asked faintly. “Do you mean your hair is -- ”

“It’s not really mine,” Robert said, looking embarrassed. “It was Julie’s idea. We’re so much older than the parents of Jacob’s friends . . . especially me . . . so she wanted us to at least look as young as we could. We don’t want Jacob to feel out of place.”

“But it looks so real,” Beth said, still sounding stunned.

“Well, Julie wanted the best. It’s all human hair, so I guess it looks pretty natural.” Robert swung Jacob around in a circle. “Did you have a good time today, Jacob?”

“Yes! It was so great! Beth took me out to get ice cream, and then Mick came, and we went to the beach, and then we drove back here.”

“Sounds like quite a day,” Robert said approvingly.

“We might have spoiled him a little,” Beth said with a smile. “Here, Jacob . . . let me have a good-night hug.”

Jacob leaned out to embrace her, and Mick saw Beth surreptitiously give a little pull to the hair at the back of his neck. When Beth backed away, folding her hand around the dark hairs she held, Mick gave the little boy a hug too.

“We should go,” Mick said. “It’s getting late, and Jacob needs to get to bed.”

“But you’ll come back, won’t you?” Jacob said, looking worried.

Mick exchanged glances with Beth. “We will,” he said simply. “I promise.”














Mick pushed open the door of his apartment, carefully holding a small plastic bag in his hand. He always kept one in an inside pocket of his coat, in case he needed to collect evidence, and the habit had served him well. He walked slowly into his office and sat down at his desk, putting the bag down beside his keyboard. He could see Jacob’s hair, dark and fine, through the plastic.

Is Jacob my grandson after all? It was just as possible, just as likely, as it had ever been. Maybe Mick really did have a son, a grandson, a family. The test they’d run before, on Robert’s hair, hadn’t meant a thing.

Beth had wanted to take Jacob’s hair to a laboratory at once. There were tests, just as accurate as paternity tests, to check for the relationship between a grandfather and a grandson. Beth had gotten Mick’s old razor back from Bionalysis, so there would be no difficulty in getting the test done. If he decided to have it done at all.

He unlocked the top drawer, opened it, and took out the little gold box he kept there. Setting it on top of the desk, he opened it and looked down at the wisps of Beth’s hair that he’d saved so long ago. After a moment, he closed the box again and put it away, tucking the plastic bag in beside it. He would find a proper box to keep Jacob’s hair in later. He closed the desk drawer, locked it, and sat back in his chair.

Family isn’t only about DNA. Did it really matter if Robert and Jacob were his biological relatives? They already felt like his family, and Mick meant to stay in their lives no matter what. He’d been desperate to learn the truth before, but now, everything felt different. I didn’t realize how much I wanted a family until I almost had one, he’d told Beth. But he’d had a family all along, and he didn’t want to forget that again.

Maybe he’d want to have the test run someday, just to know for certain. But not now. And maybe not ever.

He turned on his computer, checked his mail, and found a message from Logan.

Elaine slept all day, and she’s definitely doing better. She’s playing some songs on her guitar right now. That always seems to make her happy. I’ll make sure she hits the freezer again soon, but I think she’s gonna be okay.

Elaine would be okay. Mick was sure of that. He swung around in his chair, then rose decisively and went upstairs to find his own guitar. Rosie kept it safe all these years. He took it out of its case, re-tuned it, and hesitantly tried a few chords. It came back to him more quickly than he’d imagined, and soon he was able to pick out the melodies of his old favorites. Once he’d gotten some practice, he’d be able to try playing Elaine’s songs, and then he could hunt down all the sheet music that Tyler had given him over the years.

The music soothed him, reminding him that he had family all around him. Rosie. Elaine. Robert and Jacob. Josef. And Beth.

All these years, he’d been afraid to pick up his guitar again. Afraid that it would remind him of Coraline, that it would bring back painful memories of being human. But it brought back sweet memories instead. He remembered playing songs for Rosie when she was a little girl, remembered accompanying her as she played the piano when she was older. Sometimes his mother had brought out her violin and joined them, while Sam and his father listened.

I never let Tyler talk me into a duet, and now I wish I had. I’ve never played with Elaine either, but there’s still time for that.

And someday soon, I’ll play for Beth.


She’d asked him to play her a song, and he wondered what to choose. He wanted to find something special, something just for her, something that spoke of his feelings for her. It was really too bad that he wasn’t any good at writing songs. But maybe Elaine could help him with that. Maybe she could help him create a song for Beth, a song that would tell her exactly how he felt about her.

I want to be with her always. I want her in my heart and in my soul. I want to remember every moment we’ve shared together, the good times and the bad. I want to walk beside her through all the days of her life.

Because I love her.










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Last edited by Shadow on Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
User avatar
francis
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by francis »

Poor Mick is taking this so hard. Him crying on Beth’s shoulder made me tear up, especially because he opened up to Beth this way.
Mick touched the screen, taking Beth’s words into his heart, letting them fill the empty spaces inside him.
Beth is so loving and accepting here. Now I wonder how she turned 180 degrees at the end of Sonata. It probably was the way he shut her out again, after all she did for him. Mick already has the solution, the “right here, right now”, but he goes back on that thought later, and he doesn’t talk to Beth about it.

I really like Jacob and Mick together. And the way Beth’s talk to Robert helps Mick to find the right words for Jacob. But it hurts so much that Mick can’t be part of Jacob’s life.

Esme is Tyler’s sire – that’s really a surprise! Tyler and Esme being apart is parallel to Mick and the Fordhams being apart. It hurts.

Then Mick senses Elaine in the sun – she’s trying to kill herself! I love the way you describe how different the beach is for Mick the vampire than for Mick the human.
Elaine is Mick’s daughter and he has a family to care about. That’s what he learned that day. Talking about his pain helps them both. I’m so glad he told her that he cared about her.

Josef giving Mick the tickets for a date with Beth – that’s just endearing.
Logan turned at a scifi convention is kind of fitting for him.
The information about Ben Talbot has me mesmerized. He can’t be a vampire, can he? Maybe he was turned and given the cure to mask his condition? Why did he take the job in LA? To keep an eye on Mick and Beth for someone else, perhaps?

When Beth asked Mick what he had been doing, I thought: right, he has been with a lot of women and having a lot of revelations without telling Beth. If he wants a relationship with her, he needs to tell her. Beth takes it the wrong way, thinking Esme might be the one for Mick. She’s so insecure of her role as Mick’s girlfriend, because he keeps pushing her away.
Beth would move with Mick – that’s so great. She’s giving him all the options, he just needs to take them. And then they are making out, and it’s so sexy and loving even when they need to restrain themselves.

Oh, and then we find out that Robert wears a wig! And Jacob could still be Mick’s grandson! But now Mick is okay with not knowing.

Mick has won a lot of confidence and clarity in this chapter of your story. I really hope he will share it with Beth. We know that in Sonata she is getting confused and angry because of what happened with Emma. I’m waiting to read your take on what will happen in between / after that episode.
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by maggatha3 »

:rose: Thank you, posted just in time for me to print out and take along with me on my vacation. How very considerate of you..I really owe you for that!! And for a lot more than just that as well...

My Sire..
:thud:
-It never ends well...
-Never?
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by wpgrace »

OMG. :thud:
I have no words but I am overwhelmed, overwhelmed, with feelings!
:hankie: :hug: :heart: :clapping: :happysigh: :chin: :eek2: :pray: :phew: :giggle: :cloud9: :brow: :melts: :hearts: :gasp: :slaphead: :woohoo: :happysigh: :notworthy:

This entire series has been extraordinary. Perfect. And now you've bested your own self.

Marry me? :rose:

ETA: Oh! And uh... um... er... a few chapters ago, noticing that we were, sadly albeit gorgeously, getting rather close to Sonata, I... ummmmm... rather pushily asked, suggested, begged... :teeth: ... for you to do a chapter for after Sonata, even tho, yeah, technically speaking and all, it's not reallllllllly In Between. Ummmm.... please? :batseyes:
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by Shadow »

francis wrote:Beth is so loving and accepting here. Now I wonder how she turned 180 degrees at the end of Sonata. It probably was the way he shut her out again, after all she did for him. Mick already has the solution, the “right here, right now”, but he goes back on that thought later, and he doesn’t talk to Beth about it.
180 degrees . . . that really describes Sonata so well! At the beginning Mick and Beth seemed so very close to each other on the dance floor, even closer than they were in the car at the end of WLB, and then it all fell apart step by step with the murder, the incident with Simone, and Mick shutting Beth out of the vampire business. And as you said it sure does all seem to come down to Mick falling behind on telling Beth the things she needs to know. . . . both about his own thoughts and feelings, and about those all-important vampire matters like freshies.
francis wrote:The information about Ben Talbot has me mesmerized.
That is really great to hear . . . . :devil:

Thanks so much for the wonderfully long and detailed comment, francis! I appreciate it so much.
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by Shadow »

maggatha3 wrote:Thank you, posted just in time for me to print out and take along with me on my vacation. How very considerate of you..I really owe you for that!! And for a lot more than just that as well...
Oh, I'm so glad you got a chance to print this out, maggatha! And you know, I can't think it's a coincidence that the story started to come together the very day you sent those gifts to the muses . . . so it's your own doing that the story was finished today, and not a month from now . . . :smooch:
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by Shadow »

wpgrace wrote:OMG. :thud:
I have no words but I am overwhelmed, overwhelmed, with feelings!
:hankie: :hug: :heart: :clapping: :happysigh: :chin: :eek2: :pray: :phew: :giggle: :cloud9: :brow: :melts: :hearts: :gasp: :slaphead: :woohoo: :happysigh: :notworthy:
Oh, Grace, your line of smilies is perfect! I think I know exactly where each one of them fits, too. :hug: I'm really glad this could hit you emotionally.

And . . . Wow! Is it very common to get proposals in one's comments? My. . . I hardly know what to say . . . . :blushing:

And another chapter? Well, I tried to wrap up as many things as possible in this one, just in case the next one doesn't work out, but I think I will indeed try to do one more. (It's pretty hard to resist a request like that! ;) ) But what am I going to call it when it's not really an In Between? :chin:
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by LadyAilith »

Shadow~

Yes, it would be an in between - it would be between the past and the future...

"And another chapter? Well, I tried to wrap up as many things as possible in this one, just in case the next one doesn't work out, but I think I will indeed try to do one more. (It's pretty hard to resist a request like that! ;) ) But what am I going to call it when it's not really an In Between? :chin:"
LadyAilith :rose:
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by wpgrace »

Ohhhhhhh, Lady A! :clapping:
You're brilliant!

And dearest Shadow... :hearts: for forging ahead, or trying to, one last time... :smooch: :smooch: :smooch:

I think I speak for us all in saying this series has just been too brilliant, marvelous, heart-rending and heart-warming, intensely soul-satisfying, clever, and just plain delightful to not want at least the teeniest tiniest ittiest bittiest little extension of it. :biggrin:

Or for whatever you are able and willing to give us. :hug:
We are most, most, MOST appreciative.
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by seamus3333 »

Shadow! You write a beautiful Moonlight story. It only takes you two or three sentences and three years fall away and we are right back to Mick, Josef and Beth. You should not worry about going past Sonata, just bring us into Season 2; you do it better than the original writers, filling in what they left out.
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by aolver »

:rose: :flowers: I'm choked up...after reading this. :hankie: This can't be the end. In Between is one of the best Moonlight fics I have ever read, and believe me I have read a LOT of ML fics. You write so beautifully and understand our Mick so clearly. Don't stop here. After all, what happens after the door closes is in between Sonata and Mick and Beth's future together. There are still a lot of unanswered questions for me, which I know you would answer. Besides, I need to read your take on what happened after the door closed. :happysigh: :happysigh: Thank you... :notworthy:
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Shadow
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by Shadow »

LadyAilith wrote:Yes, it would be an in between - it would be between the past and the future...
Oh, lovely. Now that's the way to look at it . . . :hearts:
Thanks, LadyAilith.
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Shadow
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by Shadow »

wpgrace wrote:I think I speak for us all in saying this series has just been too brilliant, marvelous, heart-rending and heart-warming, intensely soul-satisfying, clever, and just plain delightful to not want at least the teeniest tiniest ittiest bittiest little extension of it.
:hankie: :cloud9: Oh . . .cannot thank you enough for that . . .
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Re: To Keep from Forgetting (In Between 15 and 16, PG13)

Post by Shadow »

seamus3333 wrote:Shadow! You write a beautiful Moonlight story. It only takes you two or three sentences and three years fall away and we are right back to Mick, Josef and Beth. You should not worry about going past Sonata, just bring us into Season 2; you do it better than the original writers, filling in what they left out.
Thank you so much seamus . . . that is some high praise!

btw, I love your banner. :happysigh: (Especially when it's right next to Grace's . . . .what an awesome set they make!)
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