Insomnia, PG-13, Champagne Challenge #127
Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 7:30 pm
Disclaimer: I don’t own Josef. Really. Kudos to whoever does.
AN: This is a really, really late entry for the challenge...
Just a comment that this is set in spring of ’08, so it’s in an earlier time in Josef and Freshie Lucky’s relationship (specifically, before “Comfort”). And also, very importantly, I decided to write about this particular moment after seeing Allegrita’s “Insomnia” story. It’s a very different viewpoint, but set at the same time. Plus, she deserves credit for reading and improving it! And then, there’s the thought the incredible Lilly put in, too…thanks for beta’ing!
Insomnia
Oh, lovely. 5 a.m., and I haven’t slept a wink. Just too wired. With all due respect to Homer, rosy-fingered dawn is on the verge of flipping me off. And it’s so unfair. Josef comes home in a bad mood, and I’m the one who ends up staring at the ceiling all night.
I’m not sure when I got elected “freshie most likely to tease Josef out of a snit,” but evidently I have been. I’m also not sure how it is we all know the instant he gets home, what kind of a temper he’s in, but we do. It’s an amazingly uniform response. Maybe it’s the snarl of the Ferrari’s motor, or the way the door opens and closes. Maybe it’s just his footsteps, although mostly he moves like a ghost. Maybe we just know, because part of him is…us.
Maybe I could concentrate on that, and use it as a raft to drift off on.
The feel of his arms around me, the touch of his tongue on my throat…the fangs, oh, the fangs sliding in, and the pull of his mouth…the way sometimes, his body strains against mine, as though he wants so much more than my blood…
No good. Well, it is good—way past good, but it’s not putting me to sleep. Just heating up my blood.
I bet he’d laugh if he knew I was lying here worrying about him. I’ve never known anyone so self-sufficient. So self-contained. And most of the time, so self-satisfied.
This is what he gets—what I get—from sharing confidences. I couldn’t believe that when I asked him what was bothering him, he actually answered. Sometimes, it’s almost like he thinks he’s talking to himself, and doesn’t expect me to understand or remember what he says, but I do.
How many masks does that vampire have, anyway? Enough to drive me to distraction, that’s for sure. And just when I think I’ve got him figured out, he takes another one off, and surprise, it’s a whole new world of Josef.
And this thing last night, who’d have thought it? Josef. With regrets. And of all things, regrets that he fathered no children.
It’s Mick’s dilemma. I almost said, it’s Mick’s fault. I can’t imagine Josef thinking about such things often, but oh, no, Mick has to come in and announce that maybe—maybe—he has a long lost son. How can Josef help but think about it, too?
He didn’t say much, but it was enough. Enough to break my heart for him.
I can’t help but wonder if there’s not someone out there from his family. Nieces, nephews, cousins. Surely his entire bloodline didn’t die out with him. He could hire a researcher—there’s got to be someone out there who’s a relative. Maybe I can suggest that. Then again, he thinks of everything. If he thought it would do any good, he’d have done it. Long ago.
Or maybe…science has come so far. Maybe they could do something with his DNA and in vitro? I’d be so…honored…to host mother a baby for him. I can’t imagine what it would be, to carry his child…
Who am I kidding? I’m just some random freshie. He’d never trust a job like that to me. Even if it were possible, I’m nothing to him, really. But I can dream, I can dream he’d ask me.
What would it mean to be able to carry his baby in my body, to hold his child in my arms…to feel the steady beat of a Kostan heart next to mine…now, there’s a thought…to sleep on….
AN: This is a really, really late entry for the challenge...
Just a comment that this is set in spring of ’08, so it’s in an earlier time in Josef and Freshie Lucky’s relationship (specifically, before “Comfort”). And also, very importantly, I decided to write about this particular moment after seeing Allegrita’s “Insomnia” story. It’s a very different viewpoint, but set at the same time. Plus, she deserves credit for reading and improving it! And then, there’s the thought the incredible Lilly put in, too…thanks for beta’ing!
Insomnia
Oh, lovely. 5 a.m., and I haven’t slept a wink. Just too wired. With all due respect to Homer, rosy-fingered dawn is on the verge of flipping me off. And it’s so unfair. Josef comes home in a bad mood, and I’m the one who ends up staring at the ceiling all night.
I’m not sure when I got elected “freshie most likely to tease Josef out of a snit,” but evidently I have been. I’m also not sure how it is we all know the instant he gets home, what kind of a temper he’s in, but we do. It’s an amazingly uniform response. Maybe it’s the snarl of the Ferrari’s motor, or the way the door opens and closes. Maybe it’s just his footsteps, although mostly he moves like a ghost. Maybe we just know, because part of him is…us.
Maybe I could concentrate on that, and use it as a raft to drift off on.
The feel of his arms around me, the touch of his tongue on my throat…the fangs, oh, the fangs sliding in, and the pull of his mouth…the way sometimes, his body strains against mine, as though he wants so much more than my blood…
No good. Well, it is good—way past good, but it’s not putting me to sleep. Just heating up my blood.
I bet he’d laugh if he knew I was lying here worrying about him. I’ve never known anyone so self-sufficient. So self-contained. And most of the time, so self-satisfied.
This is what he gets—what I get—from sharing confidences. I couldn’t believe that when I asked him what was bothering him, he actually answered. Sometimes, it’s almost like he thinks he’s talking to himself, and doesn’t expect me to understand or remember what he says, but I do.
How many masks does that vampire have, anyway? Enough to drive me to distraction, that’s for sure. And just when I think I’ve got him figured out, he takes another one off, and surprise, it’s a whole new world of Josef.
And this thing last night, who’d have thought it? Josef. With regrets. And of all things, regrets that he fathered no children.
It’s Mick’s dilemma. I almost said, it’s Mick’s fault. I can’t imagine Josef thinking about such things often, but oh, no, Mick has to come in and announce that maybe—maybe—he has a long lost son. How can Josef help but think about it, too?
He didn’t say much, but it was enough. Enough to break my heart for him.
I can’t help but wonder if there’s not someone out there from his family. Nieces, nephews, cousins. Surely his entire bloodline didn’t die out with him. He could hire a researcher—there’s got to be someone out there who’s a relative. Maybe I can suggest that. Then again, he thinks of everything. If he thought it would do any good, he’d have done it. Long ago.
Or maybe…science has come so far. Maybe they could do something with his DNA and in vitro? I’d be so…honored…to host mother a baby for him. I can’t imagine what it would be, to carry his child…
Who am I kidding? I’m just some random freshie. He’d never trust a job like that to me. Even if it were possible, I’m nothing to him, really. But I can dream, I can dream he’d ask me.
What would it mean to be able to carry his baby in my body, to hold his child in my arms…to feel the steady beat of a Kostan heart next to mine…now, there’s a thought…to sleep on….