Different - a Mick VO - PG13
Posted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 3:34 pm
This short piece is written as a Mick voice over as it might have been delivered sometime shortly after “Fated To Pretend.”
Disclaimer: I do not own Moonlight or any of its characters. Occasionally one of them speaks to me and I take dictation. No disrespect or copyright infringement is ever intended -- just entertainment and mild diversion.
Rating: PG13.
Different
I tried to eat a doughnut the other day. You may not think that sounds strange, but it is - now that I’m a vampire again. Food isn’t supposed to appeal to me anymore. But there it was. I was cleaning out the kitchen, throwing out remnants of what I accumulated during my detour through mortality. I was about to toss the box, but there was one doughnut left and, for reasons I can’t explain, it still looked good to me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to taste it, but I wanted to feel the texture in my mouth, to actually chew on something again. Just one more time.
It’s hard to explain, but I feel different. I don’t just mean different from being human. And I’m not talking about my body being all screwed up - not knowing night from day, blood from doughnuts. It’s something else and I can’t put my finger on it.
Maybe it has something to do with the cure – some residual effect, like a humanity hangover. Maybe it’s because I’ve been through this before. I don’t know. Josef says it’s because I finally admitted I’m in love. That - alive or undead – I’ve acknowledged my reason for existing. That’s part of it, but there’s something else.
You know, I once told Josef I was his only friend who didn’t like him just for his money. It was verbal payback, but since then I’ve wondered. Over the course of fifty years, when did he go from being a pain in my ass to someone I trusted with my life? Or - to take my life?
Why are we friends anyway? It’s not like we’re usually on the same moral page. Hell, we don’t even have the same playbook. And why doesn’t that bother me? Why do I accept things in him that I can’t accept in myself? I’ve always seen myself as a monster and him simply as who he is. Maybe it has something to do with how comfortable he is in his own skin.
I’m not sure I was that at ease with myself when I was human. The first time, I mean. I had plenty of regrets by the time I met Coraline. When she turned me, she managed take my flaws and fears and twist them into something eternal. Throw in an insatiable thirst for human blood and that was her damned “gift.” Some days I think it’s not so much what she took from me but what she left me with.
And that doughnut? I had to spit it out. It’s not the only thing lately I’ve had a hard time swallowing. My body may be sending me mixed signals, but in some ways my head is clearer than it’s been in years. Maybe I do know why.
Josef gave me something – more than I asked for. I expected him to turn me back – no questions asked. It never occurred to me that he would hesitate. He’s been a friend, mentor, brother – and now sire. Yeah, I know he denies it. He has to. But it’s there, anyway.
I feel different this time. Stronger – and more at peace with myself. I guess making the choice, taking your fate into your own hands, is empowering. When you have no one to blame, you lose your crutch. You have to stand on your own feet. The bottom line is – I’m a vampire right now because I chose to be. I may mourn my loss but I’ll never regret my decision. Still, the way I feel - I have to wonder if somehow it’s in the blood.
I’ve been turned twice. The difference is – Coraline poisoned me and Josef gave me an antidote.
--------
Disclaimer: I do not own Moonlight or any of its characters. Occasionally one of them speaks to me and I take dictation. No disrespect or copyright infringement is ever intended -- just entertainment and mild diversion.
Rating: PG13.
Different
I tried to eat a doughnut the other day. You may not think that sounds strange, but it is - now that I’m a vampire again. Food isn’t supposed to appeal to me anymore. But there it was. I was cleaning out the kitchen, throwing out remnants of what I accumulated during my detour through mortality. I was about to toss the box, but there was one doughnut left and, for reasons I can’t explain, it still looked good to me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to taste it, but I wanted to feel the texture in my mouth, to actually chew on something again. Just one more time.
It’s hard to explain, but I feel different. I don’t just mean different from being human. And I’m not talking about my body being all screwed up - not knowing night from day, blood from doughnuts. It’s something else and I can’t put my finger on it.
Maybe it has something to do with the cure – some residual effect, like a humanity hangover. Maybe it’s because I’ve been through this before. I don’t know. Josef says it’s because I finally admitted I’m in love. That - alive or undead – I’ve acknowledged my reason for existing. That’s part of it, but there’s something else.
You know, I once told Josef I was his only friend who didn’t like him just for his money. It was verbal payback, but since then I’ve wondered. Over the course of fifty years, when did he go from being a pain in my ass to someone I trusted with my life? Or - to take my life?
Why are we friends anyway? It’s not like we’re usually on the same moral page. Hell, we don’t even have the same playbook. And why doesn’t that bother me? Why do I accept things in him that I can’t accept in myself? I’ve always seen myself as a monster and him simply as who he is. Maybe it has something to do with how comfortable he is in his own skin.
I’m not sure I was that at ease with myself when I was human. The first time, I mean. I had plenty of regrets by the time I met Coraline. When she turned me, she managed take my flaws and fears and twist them into something eternal. Throw in an insatiable thirst for human blood and that was her damned “gift.” Some days I think it’s not so much what she took from me but what she left me with.
And that doughnut? I had to spit it out. It’s not the only thing lately I’ve had a hard time swallowing. My body may be sending me mixed signals, but in some ways my head is clearer than it’s been in years. Maybe I do know why.
Josef gave me something – more than I asked for. I expected him to turn me back – no questions asked. It never occurred to me that he would hesitate. He’s been a friend, mentor, brother – and now sire. Yeah, I know he denies it. He has to. But it’s there, anyway.
I feel different this time. Stronger – and more at peace with myself. I guess making the choice, taking your fate into your own hands, is empowering. When you have no one to blame, you lose your crutch. You have to stand on your own feet. The bottom line is – I’m a vampire right now because I chose to be. I may mourn my loss but I’ll never regret my decision. Still, the way I feel - I have to wonder if somehow it’s in the blood.
I’ve been turned twice. The difference is – Coraline poisoned me and Josef gave me an antidote.
--------
