Moonlightaholics

So, it's taken me an outrageous amount of time to come back and comment properly. I'm sorry.

And thank you for your kind note - it's lovely to see this in its finished format, while still retaining all the things I loved about the first draft.

I love the feel of this. It's grubby and greasy and bereft - just like Mick. The sensation matches him.

lila wrote:deep inside the concrete and dirty glass.

That's a beautiful image, such a stark contrast to the light.

lila wrote:spilled words at dusk

Mick's dreams given voice - this is beautiful, lila, really beautiful.

lila wrote:to hide his hard skin

I've always loved this description - along with the rest of that paragraph you give us a picture of Mick's careless desperation with so few words.

lila wrote:God, it hurt to even think her name.

Oy, this is good. The pain of a thought. I can feel Beth floating through him, punishing him at every step. It doesn't matter that we don't know what's happened - we know it's bad.

I love this. And I'll finish with my usual, plaintive cry: more please...

Red

Oh, Red, any comment by you is well worth the wait. Seeing this bumped up made my day, so no apologies. Take them back, I say, take them back at once!
As to your wonderful reply, I'm incredibly, insanely glad that the feel of desperation and pain was conveyed to you. What's unusual is that, for me, writing happy Mick is much harder than writing damned and depressed Mick. Heh, what does that say about the character? But still, poor Mick: his torture entertains us, so we poke him more and more.
And Red, did you get the 'spilled words' inuendo? *is innocent*.

lila wrote:And Red, did you get the 'spilled words' inuendo? *is innocent*.

Given that it was right at the moment he woke, I believe I did.....

Red

redwinter101 wrote:

lila wrote:And Red, did you get the 'spilled words' inuendo? *is innocent*.

Given that it was right at the moment he woke, I believe I did.....

Red

Ah, I knew there was I reason I loved ya...

Oh no, what happened??!! Dying to know! Mick is just desperation personified!!!! Love your writing!!!! Read your note and will still be here waiting for more of this moving story...

mitzie

mitzie wrote:Oh no, what happened??!! Dying to know! Mick is just desperation personified!!!! Love your writing!!!! Read your note and will still be here waiting for more of this moving story...

mitzie

Deep breath, mitzie, deep breath!
There's still going to be some more MickTorture in this fic, but as soon as I have time I'll write the next chapter, a summer interlude, which includes some happy sunshine moments.
Thanks for your patience, and your comment!

Since I heard your RL had let up a little, my will power gave out -

Wow, part one was fantastic and this is way better. What a set-up! I'm well and truly hooked, ready to wait eagerly for the next part however long it takes.

I love the way the prose reads so smoothly and yet is so poetic. It really cries out to be read aloud.

And I love the - deliciously appropriate - description of Josef's scent.

Shadow wrote:Since I heard your RL had let up a little, my will power gave out -

Wow, part one was fantastic and this is way better. What a set-up! I'm well and truly hooked, ready to wait eagerly for the next part however long it takes.

I love the way the prose reads so smoothly and yet is so poetic. It really cries out to be read aloud.

And I love the - deliciously appropriate - description of Josef's scent.

Will power? Phhshaw, will power is for pussies!

Thank you so much for your comment, Shadow, it was delightful to find. Seriously, my smile was threatning to take over my face.

I'm having a bit of trouble with the plot right now but I'm going to take this weekend to sit down and outline, then write the next chapter. I'm hoping that by next week I'll have posted.

Ah, but that is good news!
Maybe next week? I envy your speed .....

Shadow wrote:Ah, but that is good news!
Maybe next week? I envy your speed .....

Heh, no, not speed, just way too much time on my hands! I'm in break right now and as my boss is away on vacation, I'm free to write . Believe me when I say I'm a slow, obsessing sort of writer...

whatever happened here? Did the muses speak?? Will there be a part 3?

Lucy wrote:whatever happened here? Did the muses speak?? Will there be a part 3?

Why, yes, there will be. I left the chapter at about fifty percent a whole bunch of months ago, and I figure that I'll have some time soon to transfer the hand-written part and finish it up. I hate leaving this hanging for so so so long. It'll come to an end soon, hopefully!

lila wrote:Why, yes, there will be. I left the chapter at about fifty percent a whole bunch of months ago, and I figure that I'll have some time soon to transfer the hand-written part and finish it up. I hate leaving this hanging for so so so long. It'll come to an end soon, hopefully!

What great news! I'll be looking forward to it. I sure hope RL will be kind to you and let you finish it soon ....