Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
- Lilly
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Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
This is the first bit of writing I've posted in over nine months. I won't say it was like giving birth, but ....
Disclaimer: I do not own Moonlight or any of its characters. Occasionally one of them speaks to me and I take dictation. No disrespect or copyright infringement is ever intended -- just a way to pass the time.
Rating: PG13
First published: 8/2/2010
Killing Time
There is a difference between justice and vengeance. If there were justice, I wouldn't be here.
Now, I have a score to settle. I come to avenge a man who was not my friend. But should have been.
For a vampire, every day is filled with life and death decisions. Sometimes they cost you a piece of your soul. Sometimes, they don't. Tonight, I'm running a tab.
The entrance of the bar is lit with the color of blood, and it whets my appetite for what waits inside.
How many? Ten. Twenty. They wear their sins like war paint, badges of dishonor. Their brotherhood has branded them like livestock, corralled them like cattle for the slaughter. But they don't interest me.
As I move through the herd, pulses pounding with tequila bravado rise above the hyped up Latin beat. The building chorus empowers me and I am ready.
All eyes are on me now. I am outnumbered, outgunned, and completely in my element.
My question goes unanswered. My action does not. Each piece of metal that tears my chest fortifies me -- makes me stronger. They may have the firepower, but I'm the one calling the shots. I could crush them like the shards of glass beneath my boots. But I’ve made my point.
When they see me -- the real me -- they scatter, abandoning the fallen, and running from the truth. The resolve of my enemies flickers like faulty neon, as they are confronted with reality beyond reason. There is only one reason here, and it is mine. I come for blood.
Righteousness and hunger swirl with the rising smoke, indistinguishable. Undeniable.
It's time.
I cast off chains forged by my own conscience and tightened by eternal regret. I am as cold and as dark as the night.
I am more than myself. Greater than the man I pretend to be. Deadlier than this little thug ever imagined. He doesn't understand that evil is a matter of perspective, and right now, I've got the better vantage point.
It's almost too easy. He feels it too, as we engage in this twisted foreplay before the final act.
Beyond the humiliation, I see the desperation and despair that hover somewhere between fighting to stay alive and realizing that there's no stopping the inevitable. That loss of control, of inner will, is the ultimate defeat. I could tear him open and let him bleed out slowly, like his latest victim, knowing that each labored beat of his own heart brings him closer to his last. But I don't need to. He sees his life running from my lips, his death fixed in my eyes. In that instant, he knows.
There is no salvation.
As I send him over the brink, the surge of blood delivered by his final breath brings me my release. And for just a moment, in this killing time, I am completely free.
Disclaimer: I do not own Moonlight or any of its characters. Occasionally one of them speaks to me and I take dictation. No disrespect or copyright infringement is ever intended -- just a way to pass the time.
Rating: PG13
First published: 8/2/2010
Killing Time
There is a difference between justice and vengeance. If there were justice, I wouldn't be here.
Now, I have a score to settle. I come to avenge a man who was not my friend. But should have been.
For a vampire, every day is filled with life and death decisions. Sometimes they cost you a piece of your soul. Sometimes, they don't. Tonight, I'm running a tab.
The entrance of the bar is lit with the color of blood, and it whets my appetite for what waits inside.
How many? Ten. Twenty. They wear their sins like war paint, badges of dishonor. Their brotherhood has branded them like livestock, corralled them like cattle for the slaughter. But they don't interest me.
As I move through the herd, pulses pounding with tequila bravado rise above the hyped up Latin beat. The building chorus empowers me and I am ready.
All eyes are on me now. I am outnumbered, outgunned, and completely in my element.
My question goes unanswered. My action does not. Each piece of metal that tears my chest fortifies me -- makes me stronger. They may have the firepower, but I'm the one calling the shots. I could crush them like the shards of glass beneath my boots. But I’ve made my point.
When they see me -- the real me -- they scatter, abandoning the fallen, and running from the truth. The resolve of my enemies flickers like faulty neon, as they are confronted with reality beyond reason. There is only one reason here, and it is mine. I come for blood.
Righteousness and hunger swirl with the rising smoke, indistinguishable. Undeniable.
It's time.
I cast off chains forged by my own conscience and tightened by eternal regret. I am as cold and as dark as the night.
I am more than myself. Greater than the man I pretend to be. Deadlier than this little thug ever imagined. He doesn't understand that evil is a matter of perspective, and right now, I've got the better vantage point.
It's almost too easy. He feels it too, as we engage in this twisted foreplay before the final act.
Beyond the humiliation, I see the desperation and despair that hover somewhere between fighting to stay alive and realizing that there's no stopping the inevitable. That loss of control, of inner will, is the ultimate defeat. I could tear him open and let him bleed out slowly, like his latest victim, knowing that each labored beat of his own heart brings him closer to his last. But I don't need to. He sees his life running from my lips, his death fixed in my eyes. In that instant, he knows.
There is no salvation.
As I send him over the brink, the surge of blood delivered by his final breath brings me my release. And for just a moment, in this killing time, I am completely free.
Lilly
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Oh this is super, Lilly - a brilliant mix of chill and heat.
That made me swoon just a little. That's the Mick I saw in this scene - totally and utterly in control.
Beautifully done.
Red
That's a lovely opening. We know instantly where we are - and why.Lilly wrote:There is a difference between justice and vengeance. If there were justice, I wouldn't be here.
Now, I have a score to settle. I come to avenge a man who was not my friend. But should have been.
Lilly wrote:I am outnumbered, outgunned, and completely in my element.
That made me swoon just a little. That's the Mick I saw in this scene - totally and utterly in control.
This wasn't about the nobility of saving an innocent - it was pure vengeance and we saw Mick's satisfaction in exacting it.Lilly wrote:And for just a moment, in this killing time, I am completely free.
Beautifully done.
Red
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- darkstarrising
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Giving birth or not, you delivered, Lily....
The first three lines are the essence that is Mick's struggle in life
This piece is stunning in it's conveyance of the emotions and conflict of the man who seeks vengeance and vampire who revels in it.
Wonderfully done.
The first three lines are the essence that is Mick's struggle in life
When I read this the first time, I thought he was talking about Josh's death, but then I realized he could be talking about his own as well. Clever.There is a difference between justice and vengeance. If there were justice, I wouldn't be here.
Regret. Something Mick does well, and in this case, regretting that he and Josh, both working to rid the world of evil, were rivals in the matter of love.Now, I have a score to settle. I come to avenge a man who was not my friend. But should have been.
Perfectly Mick. He's in a bar, but the tab he's running has nothing to do with booze.For a vampire, every day is filled with life and death decisions. Sometimes they cost you a piece of your soul. Sometimes, they don't. Tonight, I'm running a tab.
Your words allow the reader to see and feel Mick's transformation as he walks through the bar and not just the literal transformation. You feel the vamp emerge, hungry for vengeance,suppressing the man who controls him. Blood is the only payment that will be accepted. He may or may not regret his actions tomorrow, but now, he's eager to avenge the death of a just man.I cast off chains forged by my own conscience and tightened by eternal regret. I am as cold and as dark as the night.
I am more than myself. Greater than the man I pretend to be.
This piece is stunning in it's conveyance of the emotions and conflict of the man who seeks vengeance and vampire who revels in it.
Wonderfully done.
darkstarrising
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Lilly the main thing this story says to me is you should write more. I did feel like I was inside Mick's head and see the vamp switch turn on.
Extraordinary.
Extraordinary.
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Oh man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The imagery here!!!!!!!!!!
A few of my favorites...
The imagery here!!!!!!!!!!
A few of my favorites...
He sees them as a herd... this isn't the kinder gentler Mick we usually see...Lilly wrote:As I move through the herd, pulses pounding with tequila bravado rise above the hyped up Latin beat
Oh yeah!!Lilly wrote:All eyes are on me now. I am outnumbered, outgunned, and completely in my element.
As I recall, a few fans ran from this truth too, the first time this ep aired. I recall some discussions on the boards about this cruel and fierce Mick, and the immorality of it. I LOVED this Mick... this was Mick allowing himself to NOT hate what he is, to just be...Lilly wrote:When they see me -- the real me -- they scatter, abandoning the fallen, and running from the truth.
And he was... *shivvers*... in a good way.Lilly wrote:I cast off chains forged by my own conscience and tightened by eternal regret. I am as cold and as dark as the night.
Sigh. Dear dear Mick... you have done SO much with so few words... dear dear Lilly.Lilly wrote:And for just a moment, in this killing time, I am completely free.
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Thank you so much, ladies. I hadn't thought about it when I writing this, but I have to say that working through this and finally posting was as liberating for me as it was for Mick.
Red, thank you for the wonderful words. I love this scene. Maybe it's because we waited so long to see Mick not only in complete control, but truly reveling in his power. Even when he went after Lee Jay, there wasn't the cold confidence we saw in the bar. He wasn't just settling a score -- he was really enjoying it.
Thank you, dsr -- I'm thrilled you picked up on the double meaning in the first line. Mick always had a wonderful sense of irony and that seemed like something he would say.
Carol -- thank you sincerely. I wish more than anything that I could write more. Hopefully this exercise has cleared out some of the cobwebs. I'm so glad you got a sense of what was going on inside Mick. I kind of saw this as an alternate voiceover for that scene. I'm so pleased it worked for you.
Red, thank you for the wonderful words. I love this scene. Maybe it's because we waited so long to see Mick not only in complete control, but truly reveling in his power. Even when he went after Lee Jay, there wasn't the cold confidence we saw in the bar. He wasn't just settling a score -- he was really enjoying it.
Thank you, dsr -- I'm thrilled you picked up on the double meaning in the first line. Mick always had a wonderful sense of irony and that seemed like something he would say.
Carol -- thank you sincerely. I wish more than anything that I could write more. Hopefully this exercise has cleared out some of the cobwebs. I'm so glad you got a sense of what was going on inside Mick. I kind of saw this as an alternate voiceover for that scene. I'm so pleased it worked for you.
Lilly
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Oh, grace -- thank you!
Me too, sweetie -- me too. I said to someone last night that this was not my "usual" Mick voice -- if I can claim to have such a thing -- but I think it's as much a part of him as the "Angel" we usually see.wpgrace wrote: I LOVED this Mick... this was Mick allowing himself to NOT hate what he is, to just be...
This means SO much to me, because these few words took just about everything I had.wpgrace wrote:Sigh. Dear dear Mick... you have done SO much with so few words... dear dear Lilly.Lilly wrote:And for just a moment, in this killing time, I am completely free.
Lilly
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Oh. WOW.
Lilly, this was...amazing. Just amazing.
THIS is Mick - the Mick he never allows himself to be, the Mick who believes in justice and vengeance. A former fellow fanfic writer told me once that Mick doesn't hate who he is. Mick hates enjoying what he is, and you've summed that up SO well for us here.
Wonderful job, sweetie!
Lilly, this was...amazing. Just amazing.
THIS is Mick - the Mick he never allows himself to be, the Mick who believes in justice and vengeance. A former fellow fanfic writer told me once that Mick doesn't hate who he is. Mick hates enjoying what he is, and you've summed that up SO well for us here.
Is it wrong this line made me completely ?All eyes are on me now. I am outnumbered, outgunned, and completely in my element.
This is Mick as 100% vampire, arrogant and confident knowing that he is indeed the top of the food chain, and will do what needs to be done.They may have the firepower, but I'm the one calling the shots. I could crush them like the shards of glass beneath my boots.
I love, love, LOVE this, because it's so intrinsically Mick. That sliver of humanity he maintains also forces him into denying and regretting what he is - but when it's for justice, he can reconcile the monster with the man - and revel in it.I cast off chains forged by my own conscience and tightened by eternal regret.
I am more than myself. Greater than the man I pretend to be.
The ending is almost sensual in nature, so freeing and compelling for the part of Mick he keeps under rigid control. Combine that with the anger at losing a good man, sorrow for the woman who loved that man (and who Mick loves), and this whole piece is heady and powerful.As I send him over the brink, the surge of blood delivered by his final breath brings me my release. And for just a moment, in this killing time, I am completely free.
Wonderful job, sweetie!
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
When Mick's soul got folded up like a piece of forbidden sin....this is what happened, he imposed so many restrictions.I cast off chains forged by my own conscience and tightened by eternal regret.
Tonight, in this story....you've freed him.....
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
As always from you, Lilly, this is fantastic! I can feel Mick's transformation as he enters the bar- the resolution that he will do what has to be done, and the enjoyment he got from taking revenge for his almost friend. His regret is absolutely gone in that scene, and the vampire is in command- you show us that pitch perfectly. Stunningly well done.
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
As usual...a superlative job. (I told you it was good, didn't I??)
This is Mick, who so rarely realizes that he really is more than human, not less. The freedom, the power, he could revel in these, but he restricts himself. He fears that he could do evil, and yet sometimes he has to do evil that good may triumph.
Hmmm....maybe if the DEA recruited a battalion of vampires....they could really clean up the drug trade....
Lucky
This is Mick, who so rarely realizes that he really is more than human, not less. The freedom, the power, he could revel in these, but he restricts himself. He fears that he could do evil, and yet sometimes he has to do evil that good may triumph.
Hmmm....maybe if the DEA recruited a battalion of vampires....they could really clean up the drug trade....
Lucky
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Lilly, this is fantastic. I don't even know where to start quoting; I would end up quoting the whole story.
Dsr put in words so perfectely (so much better than I could ever do) what I felt while reading this story:
Thank you Lilly A great answer to the challenge.
Dsr put in words so perfectely (so much better than I could ever do) what I felt while reading this story:
Yes, yes and yes.darkstarrising wrote:
Your words allow the reader to see and feel Mick's transformation as he walks through the bar and not just the literal transformation. You feel the vamp emerge, hungry for vengeance,suppressing the man who controls him. Blood is the only payment that will be accepted.
Thank you Lilly A great answer to the challenge.
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Wow, Lilly! This was perfect. Mick finally did let his inner vamp out to play upon Josh's death, and he fully embraced it.
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Lilly, your writing is so extraordinary--I'm thrilled that you've posted a new story...and what a story! Mick shrugs off his human skin for a while and takes a walk on the wild side of vampirism... strong, powerful, reveling in his abilities and unleashing his aggression on a worthy target. This Mick would never get suckerpunched, because he'd never give his opponent a chance. He's fearless, he's brutal, and he's absolutely beautiful--the way a velociraptor is beautiful... whenever I see that little head jerk (like the one he makes when he says, "Missed me" to the bartender), I'm reminded of the velociraptors in Jurassic Park. Deadly, beautiful, intelligent and pitiless.
This is what I see and feel in your story. Mick's thought processes are so different here than they are in his "angel" mode. He's so aware of his physical environment. He feels the entire room, knows exactly what everyone in it is doing. As he says in your story, he's completely in his element, totally in command of the situation. There's a part of him that knows the staggering total of that tab he's running, but it's a price he's willing to pay, and for the moment he's glorying in it. For this little time, as he says, he's free... and Mick is almost never free of those chains he's forged, so I'm glad for his sake that he can enjoy slipping them once in a while, in a good cause. And this is a very, very good cause. It breaks my heart a little to see Mick acknowledging that he and Josh should have been friends... could have been, under different circumstances. Mick couldn't save Josh, but he can avenge him. And the imagery of that vengeance is scary and thrilling and very alluring in an extremely dark and violent way... it takes me places I don't usually go. (And your story reminds me once again of how superb the music was in Moonlight--Subterfuge by Adam Hamilton is absolutely PERFECT for the scene in Tejada's office!)
The beauty of your writing is its apparent effortlessness and simplicity, but that simplicity is the result of careful work and attention to every detail. What I love most about it is that your effort in creating the finished product is not apparent to the reader. Your stories read as if they're happening in real time. Their rhythms feel so natural, the voices of the characters have such authenticity, that your stories are an absolute joy to read. I always come away from one of your stories feeling as if I've just taken a vacation in someone else's head, and that's a remarkable thing. I hope you go on to write many, many more Moonlight stories.
This is what I see and feel in your story. Mick's thought processes are so different here than they are in his "angel" mode. He's so aware of his physical environment. He feels the entire room, knows exactly what everyone in it is doing. As he says in your story, he's completely in his element, totally in command of the situation. There's a part of him that knows the staggering total of that tab he's running, but it's a price he's willing to pay, and for the moment he's glorying in it. For this little time, as he says, he's free... and Mick is almost never free of those chains he's forged, so I'm glad for his sake that he can enjoy slipping them once in a while, in a good cause. And this is a very, very good cause. It breaks my heart a little to see Mick acknowledging that he and Josh should have been friends... could have been, under different circumstances. Mick couldn't save Josh, but he can avenge him. And the imagery of that vengeance is scary and thrilling and very alluring in an extremely dark and violent way... it takes me places I don't usually go. (And your story reminds me once again of how superb the music was in Moonlight--Subterfuge by Adam Hamilton is absolutely PERFECT for the scene in Tejada's office!)
The beauty of your writing is its apparent effortlessness and simplicity, but that simplicity is the result of careful work and attention to every detail. What I love most about it is that your effort in creating the finished product is not apparent to the reader. Your stories read as if they're happening in real time. Their rhythms feel so natural, the voices of the characters have such authenticity, that your stories are an absolute joy to read. I always come away from one of your stories feeling as if I've just taken a vacation in someone else's head, and that's a remarkable thing. I hope you go on to write many, many more Moonlight stories.
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Re: Killing Time - PG13 - Challenge #117
Thank you so much for your great comment, Ms. P. Coming from someone who "gets" the darker side of Mick the way you do, it is no small praise.
That's so true. I think at first, when he'd just been turned, he did hate what he was, but over the years those feelings have morphed into something much more complex. I'm honored that you think I've captured that.
Lucky -- as always you are one of my biggest cheerleaders, yet always ready with a gentle when need be.
Jen, Lucy, fairytoes, Nocturne -- Thank you all so very much for reading and leaving your kind words. They are greatly appreciated.
PNWgal wrote: ...Mick doesn't hate who he is. Mick hates enjoying what he is...
That's so true. I think at first, when he'd just been turned, he did hate what he was, but over the years those feelings have morphed into something much more complex. I'm honored that you think I've captured that.
Lucky -- as always you are one of my biggest cheerleaders, yet always ready with a gentle when need be.
That really sums up his whole problem, doesn't it?librarian_7 wrote:This is Mick, who so rarely realizes that he really is more than human, not less.
Jen, Lucy, fairytoes, Nocturne -- Thank you all so very much for reading and leaving your kind words. They are greatly appreciated.
Lilly
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