Shock (Mick, PG-13) Champagne Challenge #115

[allegrita]

Thank you, everyone, for your wonderful comments. It feels absolutely wonderful to have completed a story after struggling with a horrific case of writer's block. I'm grateful to all of you for sticking with me through the drought. I'm hoping this means that things will get easier from now on.

I will come back and address comments individually when I have time, but I wanted to acknowledge everyone and to thank you all for your thoughtful commentary on this story. I love delving into the characters' thoughts during pivotal scenes.

The last part, about the watch, came to me very late in the writing process. I was imagining how hard it would be for Mick to sleep, when he'd been so used to the vampire way, where they just kinda "power off" for a while. Here, Mick's surrounded by unfamiliar sights, sounds, and sensations. His mind must be whirling, and the little ticking sound would be very loud in the darkness... and then what Josef said just leapt out at me. THAT'S what he meant. And Mick would welcome that... it's his heart's desire, to listen to his life ticking by...

[fairytoes]

Oh, I love this! I'll have to read it again to pick my favorite lines.

Thank you!

[Moonlighter]

This was a wonderful look into Mick's head after such a life changing event. You delivered a delightful peek into Mick's psyche and moved us through a more detailed TMC as well. Thanks for that!

But now we get a more in-depth Mick's (swollen) eye view.

LOL!! You are still crazy, grace! And that's a good thing.

[allegrita]

I'm back to respond to your comments--thank you so much for taking the time to read the story and to comment. It means a great deal to me that you felt moved to respond.

jen, you're right. He was working it out, and it was doubly hard because he'd just had the cr@p kicked out of him... on top of everything else about his life changing....

darkstarrising, I think Mick must have been in shock. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. And he would have just been inundated with sensations--mostly painful ones-- that would get in the way of his thoughts. I'm so glad this worked for you. And yeah-- he finally gets Coraline's original gift, and now he's trying to process her new gift.

Lilly, I'm soooo glad you liked the tick-tick-tick thing. It honestly didn't occur to me till the final stages of revising the story, and when it did, I went, "Oh--of course!!" Mick wants nothing more than the very thing that Josef finds off-putting about humans.

Lucky, I'm really glad the last part worked for you too. And thanks for the good wishes about my writing. I really hope my muse is back.

norsmyth, thanks very much--it feels great to have finished something.

lynnrxgal, thank you so much--and hugs right back to you, honey.

Shadow, you caught some things that I was really happy with as I was writing, and I'm very glad they worked for you. That's just what I was trying to show--Mick's shock and the constant surprise as he's reminded again and again of what it means to be human. And I wanted to do justice to Coraline here. I think that the very act of having Coraline give him back his humanity, even for such a brief time, was the beginning of his ability to accept his vampirism when it came time for him to ask Josef to turn him back. His reconciliation with Coraline, and his forgiveness of her for what she'd done, were crucial to his later comfort with being a vampire again. And I'm glad you liked Mick's line about his face. I tried to capture his self-deprecating humor there... his humor is such a saving grace. Without it, he'd be gloomy and depressing. With it, he's... well, he's the Mick we love.

cassysj, thank you--it's great to WRITE a new story after so long! I agree that Mick and Coraline finally, finally started to "get" each other in TMC.

Lucy, Alex showed us every bump and bruise, and I'm glad you could feel them through my words, too. Poor Mick, indeed. Ouch!

francis, wow--I'm just thrilled. Yes, he's trying to process all of it, and file it in his memory... the beginning of his new life. I felt the same way you did about the snippets they showed us of Mick in his loft after he went home. I wanted to tie them all together, and I'm so happy you felt I did it justice. About Coraline--yes, I agree that he was trying to come to terms with what she'd done and with what it all meant. And I think he was scared to death of Lance, especially after Josef was so obviously uneasy about him. At first he couldn't rescue her because he was human. And I really think that when he turned back, there was more stopping him than just his deeper relationship with Beth: I think that he'd had time to think through what Josef told him about Lance, and that he was really, really scared to confront Lance and his brothers on their own turf. To his shame, maybe...

susieb, I'm so glad you liked it.

wpgrace, that's just what I was going for, and thank you so much for finding the right word to describe it! Mick's got huge issues from the past to deal with, and huge uncertainty about the future, too. But his moment-to-moment stuff is all about what's happening right now. Swollen-eye view, definitely. Everything looks different when your eye's swollen...

redwinter101, no... he wasn't meant to get his wish. I'm so happy you mentioned that line, because it was very important to me. That's what makes his week of mortality so very bittersweet to me. He didn't want to go back. He wanted more than anything to be one of those "mortal ones" Josef talked about so blithely. And yet he gave it up willingly.

Luxe de Luxe, wow, that's an incredible compliment. I absolutely agree about Mick's feelings toward Coraline. The idea that he'd just throw away her sacrifice with "it wasn't meant to be" was just so wrong. Redwinter101 wrote a fabulous story that does a much better job than I did here of tying up that horrible loose end.

fairytoes, thank you--and I hope you do come back!

Moonlighter, thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

[GuardianAngel]

Like Luxe I was amazed at how consumed I was by the story even though I knew the outcome. You added some wonderful in between moments and thoughts that made it flow all the better. What I also really appreciated were those very human, normal moments and thoughts.

what I wouldn’t give for some aspirin

My stomach growls and I start to laugh, then choke it back – laughing hurts

A bite of this, a bite of that. Oh, man… another bite of that…

With these lines we can vicariously feel Mick's already increasing joy at being human.

I've had similar thoughts to this:

Why did she sacrifice herself for me? Where is Lance taking her? Who is “he”? And what can I do about it? Honestly? Lance scares the crap out of Josef! I didn’t have a chance against him when I was a vampire, and now? It would be suicide.

If Mick had continued the struggle, Lance would have killed him. And then the sacrifice Coraline made would have been for nothing. That would have been a travesty.

I really enjoyed this, Alle. Thanks!

[redwinter101]

*sneaks in to say thanks, alle - you're a peach*



Red

[allegrita]

GuardianAngel - thank you so much for the compliment! It's not often that Mick talks to me these days, but he was talking loudly, and I'm just glad I had my laptop open so I could take notes.

Red - mine is a charcoal sketch. Yours is a polished jewel. Not that I'm putting mine down, because I'm very happy with it... and I will confess that I didn't even remember your story until I'd finished the first draft of this one. But I wouldn't be surprised if yours didn't get my muse percolating slowly, and if that's true, I'm ever-grateful.

ETA: For those who've never read it, here's Red's Reckoning

[mitzie]

I love how you filled in the blanks here. With every feeling that Mick was feeling, I was saying to myself oh yeah, I never thought of that. I'm glad you thought of all those things that he was feeling!!! Very believable and so Mick. Awesome story!!!!


mitzie

[jen]

Had to come back thru for a reread.

As we understand the rest of the story, that Mick elected to be turned back into a vampire in order to save 'his Beth,' sacrificing the remainder of his temporary excursion into the mortal coil. shows that he valued her more than he hated his vampiric state.

And as we can see here, he did love that brief stay.

Thanks, Alle.

[Moonlighter]

Just cruisin' through for a re-read, Alle!

[allegrita]

Mitzie, thank you so much for your comment! I'm so glad you liked the story.

Jen and Moonlighter, it's such a compliment that you reread my story and commented on it. Thank you so much!

[jen]

Rereads--especially rereads like this one--are a pleasure that keeps our love for Mick and Moonlight alive and strong.

Thanks, Alle!

Jenna

[allegrita]

[maggatha3]

How wonderful, alle, to view Mick's feelings and thoughts the very first moments of becoming human again. Pain, mortality , life, all his senses are different, he has a new struggle to fight, yet he enjoys every bit of it. His instict calls it an illusion of life, and that is exactly what it is, an illusion that will disappear sooner than he/we hoped for. And, alle, you taught him to close the door behind him when coming home in a bad shape, how thoughtful of you; thank god he did nt do it the previous time, we would have no story to tell now. ..

[allegrita]

Oh, maggatha, I'm glad you noticed that! I did it on purpose, but it was just a little joke with myself. I don't think Mick will ever make that mistake again, no matter how wounded he is. But you're right, if he hadn't made it that one time... we wouldn't have had our show.

I'm glad you brought up the "illusion of life" thing. In my mind, Mick had to keep reminding himself that this was only temporary, that it was an illusion...because he loved it so much, that if he didn't remind himself that it would pass, that he wasn't really cured... if he let himself forget... his heart would break when he turned back.

In some ways, I think that giving his humanity up by choice was better for him. He had the power that time. He made the choice to go back before he had to. So Mick-the-vampire-again has ownership of himself. He is his OWN vampire. Not someone else's. That must have been a powerful feeling... despite the sadness he felt.