5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

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allegrita
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Re: Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by allegrita »

There are so many levels to this story that I think I could find new things to ponder every time I reread it.

First, the bare description of events. The dream, so real (I, too, thought this was going to be a story of Mick's boyhood at first), dissolving into the cacophony of sensations as he struggles to remember, to hang on to his surety that, whatever else has happened, Ray's all right... and then the horrible knowledge that the unthinkable has happened.

This just grabbed me, because it's so very Mick:
But it was okay. If I was lost, if I was dead, it was okay. My family would mourn, my friends would drink away their passing grief and life would go on. It was okay because Ray was beneath me, safe. He could go home. He could have the life he deserved with Lilah. He could have my life.
Mick would so gladly have exchanged his life for Ray's... :hankie:

Then there's the beautifully done parallel between this experience and Mick's turning, which was described so richly by grace. I'm just awestruck by how subtly you've drawn it. Two huge turning points for him, two places where he'd rather have died than survived. But he wasn't granted his wish either time.

Then there's the amazing loop back from the beginning of your story to the ending: Mick wanting nothing more than to go back to the summer heat, lazing in an old boat with his friend. This is what finally did me in... that image of a devastated young man, bereft of everything, just wanting to crawl back into his dream. :Mickangel:

But there's so much more to this story, because we know the future...

You're right, Red; Mick's war experience should have been the worst thing to ever happen to him. And young people are resilient; they find a way to cope with the tragedy they've experienced. They move on. But there was no "moving on" for Mick. It was all a series of detours and dead ends and barriers. He tried to make his way through the experience of losing Ray by going home and taking care of Lilah. But that duty led to a detour. They fell in love, and he pushed down the guilt, because the comfort he and Lilah gave each other was so precious, it brought Ray back to them at the same time it made them feel they were betraying him... And then another dead end, another detour. Ray came back, and Mick's joy and relief that his best friend was still alive were lost in regret and still more sacrifice, as Mick had to leave.

So he struggled to recover from that, tried to make his way, find a life, and met the woman of any man's dreams. Rich, gorgeous, classy, exotic - and she loved him! But his marriage to Coraline was another, truly horrible detour... or maybe the ultimate dead end... and we know how long he struggled to free himself from that tangled relationship. And how ironic, how much in parallel to Ray, that Mick thought he'd killed Coraline, only to find out he was wrong about that, too! And just like the bookends in your story, Mick's story with Coraline is bookended by his mortality. She took everything he loved away from him at the very beginning. And then she sacrificed herself at the end, to give it back to him... and she left him free to try to find a way forward at last, with Beth.
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Re: Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by redwinter101 »

Thanks so much, alle, you wonderful woman... :heart: :heart:

I do worry sometimes about the openings to some of my stories as I don't really do preamble - much more of a "throw you in at the deep end" approach - and that can mean it's hard to get one's bearings. Here, more than any other story, I liked how that fit with Mick's disorientation. We've all felt it - that weird moment when you're not quite sure if you're awake or dreaming - and know how unsettling it can be. Magnify that with trauma and this was what I came up with. As I said above, I love that you believed he was there in that boat - because so did he. :sadface:
allegrita wrote:This is what finally did me in... that image of a devastated young man, bereft of everything, just wanting to crawl back into his dream.
That's beautiful - and a summary of how I see Mick. I loved your description of Mick's dead ends and detours too. It all builds a picture of someone who has endured more than any one person should have to - a true tragic hero, and one who deserves to find a little peace.

Oh Mick. I miss you.

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Re: Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by coco »

Apologies for being very late to this story, Red. :blushing:

The comments that have come before are all so perfect and I can only add my own appreciation of such a beautifully touching Medic Mick moment. :hearts: This one brought a tear this morning. :hankie:
Maybe, just maybe, if I wished hard enough, I'd be back in that little boat, drifting gently on the ocean, side by side with Ray.
You do have such a talent for those last lines (and every word in between). :notworthy:
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Re: Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by redwinter101 »

:cloud9: :cloud9:

It's always such a delight to see a comment from you, sweet coco - thank you. :flowers:

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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by jen »

It has been far too long since I read this lovely piece.

The mind is an amazing thing, and the opening--with Mick retreating into a snippet of memory from his youth at home, safe, with Ray floating lazily in that little boat--turnd out to be just a trick of the mind.

How heartbreaking that Mick was so accepting of his own death in this situation, that Ray could have his life (a bit of irony when he almost took Ray's place with Lilah, although I do not believe they did anything wrong). Mick sees the pain and harsh realities around him in the field hospital clearly and embraces the pain, as it means life--even as he yearns for the peace of that snippet of memory in that boat, floating lazily, with his friend.

Brava! Thank you!

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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by redwinter101 »

Oh, jen, Mick breaks my heart too. As I said a little further upthread, he's been through more than any person should have to - and still come out the other side, finding a way to keep going.

*sniffle*

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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by Shadow »

To start the new year I just had to come back to re-read this one . . . again . . .

This somehow gets even better every time I read it. I'm always surprised how short the piece actually is, since there's so, so much in it.

On this reading, this line particularly struck me, thinking about the parallels.
But it was okay. If I was lost, if I was dead, it was okay. My family would mourn, my friends would drink away their passing grief and life would go on.
Here Mick was more than willing to give his life to Ray. But in his second "death" experience, his life was taken from him against his will. At that time, his family would have mourned, and his friends would have grieved, just as he's thinking here . . . but Mick's reaction to that fact must have been very different.

I can't get over the way the events of Mick's life are layered in this story. This time when I was reading, I found myself also seeing the whole story told in the opposite way, as a story of Mick's turning with memories of this wartime experience slipping through.
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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

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Shadow wrote:I can't get over the way the events of Mick's life are layered in this story. This time when I was reading, I found myself also seeing the whole story told in the opposite way, as a story of Mick's turning with memories of this wartime experience slipping through.
For me they are inextricably linked. It's hardly surprising that Mick sees himself as somehow doomed, controlled by fate, when so many experiences drag him back to sorrow and pain. He knows loss; he understands rejections; he feels the weight of the path not taken.

Oh, Mick. :Mickangel:

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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by redwinter101 »

So why am I making my 20,000th post here?

Well, for me and Moonlight, it's a) all about Mick, and b) all about fic.

I've written a lot of stories. I guess they're like my kids - I love all of them, but for different reasons and some of them in spite of their many flaws (or maybe because of, I don't know). Some are special because they were the first, or the funniest, or got the snarkiest comments, or remind me of a certain moment.

It's difficult to pick a favourite without sounding self-obsessed, so I'll keep it brief.

It's this one. :teeth:

And, of course, my abiding thanks to all who have read over the years and provided so much feedback, support and encouragement.

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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by PNWgal »

Brava, Red, for the post count! :hug:

And to my everlasting shame, I realized I never left feedback on this, even though I LOVED it. :blushing:

As much as I love vampire Mick, I'm absolutely OBSESSED with past Mick, especially this past Mick. I love the way this one starts, with a blissful summer memory.
redwinter101 wrote:Precious moments of doing nothing; bonds formed in the silence of brotherhood.
How gorgeous is that? I think women don't always realize how deep the bonds of friendship go with men.

But too soon Mick realizes it's a dream and that reality is far, far worse:
redwinter101 wrote:Ray beneath me, my fingers clenched around his rough, bloody uniform as he trembled in fear and pain. I covered him. Let them do their worst but I'd make sure he was safe. A flash and whump. Everything around me shuddered, the pressure of displaced air forcing the breath from my lungs as I heard the whine of the mortar overhead; that sound, blocking out everything else. Then the light, the unnatural flare as it hit. The ground shook, all else lost.
On Taking Care of Lilah, you commented that Mick wasn't just the product of 55 years as a vampire, he was the product of 85 years as a man. This proves it:
redwinter101 wrote:Who lived and who died? Why? Why me? Why him? Why the kid from Oklahoma City whose name I never learned who only cared about getting home to help his dad keep the family store going. Or the sergeant, the professional, years of hard fighting and even harder living ground into every line on his face and every glance at the horizon. I cared for them, patched them up and sent them out to fight again, their blood on my hands. In the beginning it was a ritual to scrub away the human detritus that clung to every ridge and pore, under my fingernails, part of me now. Every day it got harder. The constant dipping into cavities that shouldn't exist; the hole in the boy's chest, still smoking from the shrapnel that had killed him, even though his body refused to accept its fate just yet. Still pushing and pumping and straining for life and breath. His eyes, dead youth staring back at me. He'd barely lived, not really. He'd seen more of death than life.
And if that isn't enough for a man to witness, how much worse the death of your best friend?
redwinter101 wrote:"Ray Fordham. Ford-ham. He was with me… in my patrol…"
redwinter101 wrote:"No. This is screwed up. You don't understand. He can't be…" Dead. I couldn't even say it. Ray had to be alive.

"I'm sorry, Mick." There was nothing more to say. The weary priest sat, waiting as though he knew how it would go and when he needed to leave me alone with my shock, my grief. As the shudder rose deep inside my battered body, shaking my head, shaking away his words, shaking away his truth, he relinquished his hold, moving his hand to rest on the bible, his lips whispering his prayer for the dead and those they left behind.
I think this is the beginning of the first layer of guilt Mick builds on for the rest of his existence. Grief at losing his best friend mingled with the guilt of not doing more to save him, it's all so heartbreakingly laid out here.

This was gorgeous. Sad and heart-rending and so, SO Mick.

:heart:
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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

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PNWgal wrote:I think women don't always realize how deep the bonds of friendship go with men.
Thanks, honey. :smooch: I love that - and I agree. I think his friendships with Ray and Bobby and, eventually, Josef, are the most important relationships in his life. I also think it's part of his conflict about Beth - he recognises Josh as one of the good guys. Someone who, in different circumstances, he would have called friend.
PNWgal wrote:On Taking Care of Lilah, you commented that Mick wasn't just the product of 55 years as a vampire, he was the product of 85 years as a man. This proves it:
redwinter101 wrote:Who lived and who died? Why? Why me? Why him? Why the kid from Oklahoma City whose name I never learned who only cared about getting home to help his dad keep the family store going. Or the sergeant, the professional, years of hard fighting and even harder living ground into every line on his face and every glance at the horizon. I cared for them, patched them up and sent them out to fight again, their blood on my hands. In the beginning it was a ritual to scrub away the human detritus that clung to every ridge and pore, under my fingernails, part of me now. Every day it got harder. The constant dipping into cavities that shouldn't exist; the hole in the boy's chest, still smoking from the shrapnel that had killed him, even though his body refused to accept its fate just yet. Still pushing and pumping and straining for life and breath. His eyes, dead youth staring back at me. He'd barely lived, not really. He'd seen more of death than life.
And if that isn't enough for a man to witness, how much worse the death of your best friend?
You know how much I adore Taking Care of Lilah - and I think there are so many common themes here. Mick didn't just lose his love, he lost his best friend, and his view of the man he thought he was. :Mickangel:

Thanks so much for stopping by - just... :heart:

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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

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redwinter101 wrote:You know how much I adore Taking Care of Lilah - and I think there are so many common themes here. Mick didn't just lose his love, he lost his best friend, and his view of the man he thought he was. :Mickangel:
The part I bolded jumped out at me, because it's SO Mick. The Mick we got to know had rules, even though as a vampire he wasn't bound to any rules - he imposed them on himself. He was raised a certain way, had a certain outlook of himself as a man, and by the twin-pronged actions of leaving his best friend and then sleeping with his wife, he was forced to look at himself just a little clearer. I'm bettin' he didn't like what he saw, which made him ripe for the picking when Coraline came along (something else you pointed out on Taking Care of Lilah).

:smooch: just cuz.
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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by redwinter101 »

Nodding, nodding, nodding.

And smoochin' :smooch: :smooch: :smooch: .

Oh, Mick... :heart: :Mickangel: :happysigh: :melts:

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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by jen »

This is another fic when the most eloquent response I can offer is to say nothing and let your words speak for themselves.

They will.

Brava.
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Re: 5. Sext (noon) - PG-13

Post by Shadow »

So much to read, but I got drawn back here for another re-read of this one. This story is so powerful . . . and so visual. I don't know if there's any way to make it work, but I would so love to make a video for this story . . . .

It was a wonderful, wonderful re-read. I think I'll be coming back to this story many, many times.
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