Letting Me Love You (In Between 5 and 6, PG13)

[Shadow]

Disclaimer: Moonlight is not mine and no copyright infringement is intended.












IN BETWEEN
five and six








Letting Me Love You




Mick had his blind spots, but he had always been good at reading people. Even as a human he’d been acutely aware of subtle changes in body language, and as a vampire he could pick up cues that no mortal ever could. But he was completely taken by surprise when Beth kissed him.

He stood in the parking lot by the Buzzwire van, stunned, thinking that’s one of the things I love about her – I never have any idea what she’ll do, even as he somehow managed to finish saying the word goodbye. And then, suddenly, he did know what she was going to do next - that she would put her hand gently to his face and kiss him again. She lingered for a moment this time, long enough for him to return her kiss, and then pulled away. A bright smile, a whirl of blond hair, and she was gone.

Had that really happened? Had Beth Turner really kissed him? He could still feel the warmth of her lips against his; he could feel the touch of her hand against his face. Yes, it happened. It was real. God only knew what she’d meant by it, but ---

Beth kissed me!












Mick drove away from Buzzwire in a daze of emotions. He was elated that he’d found Cherish in time to save her, but worried about what would become of her in the future. She’d had a taste of the high life, glamour and bright lights and money to burn; would she be able to give that up? Learning of her friend’s death had shaken her, but she was so young, she might still believe it couldn’t happen to her. But even vampires can die, and we really are supposed to be immortal. Mick was glad he’d been the one to survive, and he didn’t regret Mineo’s death, but there was still something terribly tragic about it. Mineo had been far older than Mick, but sixteen all the same. Mick remembered sixteen much too clearly - sex on his mind as often as the research he’d cited to Beth, Lilah in his life but a torment to him, so far out of his reach that she might as well have been on the moon. Sixteen had been too late to realize he loved her, because she was already in love with Ray, and there was no way that Mick could ever bring himself to come between them. Hurts went so deep, emotions were on fire . . . being a boy of sixteen forever would probably drive anyone mad.

What about being a girl of seventeen forever?

Or four? It could have happened to Beth.

It wasn’t right to turn a child. Coraline’s plans for Beth had frozen Mick’s soul. One happy family. It’ll work, Mick . . . you, me, and baby. How could Coraline ever have believed that he would want something like that? But Mick had hardly done better - he thought of how he'd carried Elaine, newly turned, into Half Moon House. He could still see the shock on Tyler's face; he could hear the anguish in his voice. Mick, she’s seventeen! Why?

He wanted to see Elaine, to tell her what had happened tonight. But he hadn’t even told her, yet, that Beth was back in his life. It was going to be hard . . . Mick’s happiness with Beth was bound to hurt Elaine. And he couldn’t possibly visit her tonight, because no matter what crossed his mind – worry for Cherish, bad memories of Coraline, guilt about Elaine – none of it could even begin to touch the way he felt about Beth’s kiss.

What had she meant by it? She still had Josh in her life, after all. And Mick was sure she hadn’t planned to kiss him. Beth was so impulsive. Maybe she hadn’t really meant to do it. Maybe it had been an accident, and she was regretting it even now. Next time he saw her, he ought to make sure she knew he understood that. But still –

She kissed me.














As he pulled into the parking garage his phone rang, and he picked it up without looking, ready to talk to anyone.

“Oh, it’s you. I thought I was going to get your voice mail,” Josef said. “So how’d it go? You find your missing girl?”

“Yeah, she’s safe with her parents now. Thanks for your help, by the way.”

“Any time. I’m not, ah, interrupting anything, am I?”

Mick grinned, heading for the elevator. “No, Josef. Nothing at all.”

“Oh.” Josef sounded disappointed. “It sure looked like something was going on this afternoon.”

Mick switched the phone to his other ear, feeling an almost human rush as he remembered the way Beth had flirted with him at Josef’s. Whatever you want, she’d said to him as she took off her coat, her voice pitched for seduction, sweet and sultry. Raised eyebrows, not-so-secret smiles . . . they’d both been blatantly obvious, and there was no way in the world that Josef could have missed it. Mick had loved it all, including every single expression that had crossed Josef’s face.

“Sorry to let you down,” Mick said casually. “But if you thought you were going to be interrupting something, why are you calling?”

“How else am I going to find out? It’s not like you share.” Josef paused. “Come on, Mick. Something’s happened between you two. You sound – different.”

“Okay,” Mick said agreeably. “Something happened.” He wasn’t going to admit to Josef just exactly what had happened; she asked about vampire sex and she kissed me would not be likely to impress him. Better to stay mysterious, because Josef would never really understand why Mick had gone over the moon after one innocent kiss.

She kissed me!














In spite of his distraction, Mick managed to type up his report on Cherish's case, automatically editing out the vampire element. Then he started work on another case, one he’d set aside when Cherish’s came up. It was a missing persons case, but a vintage one – a little boy named Gregory Foster had disappeared from Culver City in 1950. The boy’s great-niece had hired Mick to find out what had happened. She knew well enough how small the chances were that he’d be able to find anything, but she’d always been disturbed by the mystery, and she wanted him to try. Even if it’s hopeless, she’d said sturdily. A case this old came with extra difficulties – most of the adults of the time were dead now, and the police report he’d found might as well have been blank. Mick had been living nearby, but he didn’t remember even hearing about the missing boy. How could a child disappear like that, without the slightest trace? It could have been a vampire. Mick was almost unbearably relieved that the boy hadn’t vanished in 1952. He didn’t think he’d ever killed a child - but he wasn’t sure if he remembered everything that had happened back then. God, I hope it wasn’t Coraline. But it couldn’t have been her; she’d been in Europe in 1950. Anyway, it was far more likely that a human predator had been involved.

He pushed aside the file and checked his email, in case any of his contacts had sent new information. Or in case Beth left a message. There was nothing from his contacts, or from Beth – not that he actually expected anything from her so soon - but judging by the vampspam, Logan was back in town. He’s going to drive me crazy. Hope he doesn’t send this stuff to anyone else . . . he’s liable to lose his head. After Mick had deleted “Get your BLO@D here All types Low cost” and “HOT HOT Freshie girls want YOU” he saw that there was an actual message from Logan as well. Just got back to L.A. Why didn’t you tell me Elaine was here? She came by today, surprised the hell out of me. Anyway – once again you can count on me for all your computer needs. Well, unless I’m at a gaming con. Cash and all major blood types accepted.

Mick smiled, glad that Elaine had broken her isolation and made contact with an old friend. And he could use some computer help, at that. He sent Logan the boy’s Culver City address, with a request for the names of families who’d lived nearby in 1950. He already had the names of Gregory Foster’s first-grade classmates, and had come up with a list of possible email addresses and phone numbers for most of them. He could send the email tonight, but the phone calls would have to wait till tomorrow.

He opened the file again, took out a faded newspaper photo of the boy, and stared at it for a time. It was odd how he still thought of this as a search for a child, when Gregory, if he was by some chance still alive, would be over sixty years old now. In a way, Gregory Foster was as trapped in time as a vampire - six years old forever in the eyes of everyone who knew his story.

Mick put the photograph back in the boy’s file, the child’s innocent face reminding him of the dream he’d had on the way home from the desert. In the back seat of the car, with Beth sleeping in his arms, he’d dreamed that she had been on the beach with a dark-haired little boy. It felt so real. But it must have only seemed that way because he hadn’t been sleeping in his freezer. He was accustomed now to the cold faded dreams of the freezer, dreams he almost never remembered. It was only on very rare occasions that they could become vivid, like the recurring nightmares he’d recently had about Coraline. And thank God those were fainter than mortal dreams. He wasn’t sure if he could have endured them otherwise. Most of the vampire dreams he could remember had, in fact, been nightmares.

But once . . . once he’d dreamed a life with Lilah, a life in which they had married, raised children, and grown old together. Or had he dreamed it more than once? He must have, for him to have retained as much of it as he had. Still, he only remembered fragments of it now, and he couldn’t quite call up the images of the children he had dreamed. A son, and two daughters. They were only shadows in his memory, shy smiles and dark wavy hair and the sound of laughter across the room, but he treasured them. Lilah had been clearer in his dream, changing beautifully from a young woman to an old one while he grew old at her side. Waking from the dream had been pure pain, as he returned to reality, to the freezer, to the knowledge that Lilah had died of old age while he had stayed young. But he still loved to remember what he could of that dream, of that lost life.














Holding a human woman close. Making love to her. He had been in love with Lilah; he had always loved her, and for one brief moment he’d thought that she was his. There had been other women after her, but no one else he’d truly loved until Coraline - and she had hardly been human. After he was turned, he’d never let himself get close to a human again, not even when Coraline was gone. He couldn’t bear the thought of being intimate with a woman who didn’t know what he really was. Josef believed freshies were the obvious solution, and didn’t understand Mick’s aversion to them. Oh, Mick liked some of Josef’s girls well enough, and until Beth he’d fed from them freely, but he knew they were only interested in him because he was a vampire. That was just as off-putting to him as it would be to hide his nature from a lover. So he’d simply stayed away from humans for all of these years – until now.

He’d almost broken apart the first time Beth had embraced him – I was alone for so long, so terribly long - and now that she knew, body and soul, that he was a vampire, she treated him exactly the same way. Not afraid of the vampire, but not excited by it either. She purely and simply cared about Mick.

He lay in his freezer that morning and let his mind fill with Beth’s image, with the feel of her lips against his, with the gentleness of her touch. He thought, smiling, of the questions she’d asked about vampires and sex. Had it really been only a few days since he’d made plans to disappear from her life forever? Now she was not only back in his life, but back in a new and different way. Not that she’d done anything as radical as leaving her boyfriend, but there was no doubt that she was interested in Mick. And she was definitely interested in him as more than just a friend.

He shouldn’t encourage it, of course. He’d told her himself that a relationship between a human and a vampire wouldn’t work. He’d heard all the stories, and he’d seen some of them played out, and none of them had ended well. But that didn’t mean it was impossible for it to work. Inadvisable, he’d told Beth. Not impossible.

Mick fell asleep at last, and dropped his keys, and somehow they ended up out of reach beneath his car. He lowered himself to the pavement and crawled halfway under the car to retrieve them, thinking of Beth, of fate, of Beth’s innocent look behind her sunglasses as she’d asked how sex worked between vampires and humans. I’m talking totally hypothetically, believe me, she’d said sweetly, giving him a look that had made him completely forget to watch the road. He was lucky he hadn’t crashed the car.

He straightened up, keys in hand, to find Beth right beside him. He was so startled he almost dropped the keys under the car again. How had Beth gotten so close without him knowing she was there? He realized that he’d been thinking of her so intently, with all of his senses so completely in tune with her, he hadn’t been aware that he was truly catching her scent, instead of just a memory of it.

“You could at least have said goodbye,” Beth said, unaware of how monumental it was that he hadn’t noticed her arrival, and he was halfway through the word when she kissed him. Then she smiled, put a hand to his face, and kissed him again. She broke the kiss after a moment, but didn’t move her hand away from him. She brushed it across his face, to his forehead, and then trailed her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes, and she took both his hands in hers. She led him through the door of her bedroom, and he hesitated, holding back.

“You said it wasn’t impossible. Remember?” Beth didn’t let go of his hands.

“It’s inadvisable,” Mick whispered.

“Then there’s not a problem. Because you must have noticed that I’m not very good at taking advice.”

She pulled him down onto the bed beside her. Slowly she massaged his chest and back, working her way down to his waist, and then slipped her hands beneath his shirt to stroke his bare skin. His sense of touch had been dulled ever since he was turned, but her hands – oh God - her lightest touch could still set his whole body aflame. One of his hands was tangled in her hair; with the other he caressed her through the cloth of her blouse, finding the smooth curve of her waist, the soft warmth of her breast. Her breath caught, and he was intensely aware of the way she responded to his touch, the way her heart beat faster with every move of his hand. He shifted to lean over her, kissing her, undoing the buttons of her blouse, and she brought her face up to his, deepening the kiss almost desperately. Her arousal sparked his, and suddenly he felt the vampire stir within him, felt his eyes turning pale. Startled, he pulled back from her, fighting down the change. He hadn’t expected to lose control over it when he was with a human woman . . . and oh, he didn’t want to change when he was with Beth. Please, not with Beth.

“Mick, what is it?” Beth reached out to touch his arm. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just . . . I just need a minute.” He looked away from her, afraid that she might have seen his eyes change. But he didn’t think she had. She moved her hand from his arm, giving him space, but her worried gaze was still fixed on him. He took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Beth, I don’t know what will happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I haven’t done this before. I haven’t been with a human woman since I became a vampire.”

Mick glanced up at her. She looked surprised for a moment, then thoughtful. She propped herself up on one elbow and said, “Well . . . what happens when you’re with a vampire woman?”

Her tone was so matter-of-fact, it wasn’t even hard for him to answer. “I change,” he said. “I vamp out. And it can be rough. I usually – bite down.”

“Really?” She smiled crookedly, disconcerting him. “That sounds all right to me.”

"But if I hurt you --"

“You didn’t even hurt me when you were dying. I’m really not that fragile.”

He gently stroked the hair back from her face. “Yes, you are. You’re mortal.” All humans are fragile, compared to us.

“Well, I’m not like all the other mortals, am I?”

“Oh, no. You’re not.” He trailed his fingers down her face, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and she shivered.

“It’s all right, Mick,” she whispered. “It’ll be fine. Really.” She pulled him close in a reassuring hug, and in the comfort of her embrace, all of his fears faded and vanished. He hugged her back, tightening his arms around her, suddenly sure that it really could work. Josef slept with human women all the time, and nothing had ever gone wrong. . . Mick could feel the vampire, very close to the surface now, but he ignored it and leaned over Beth to kiss her again.

They lay on an untidy pile of blankets on Mick’s rooftop, their clothes discarded around them, a three-quarters moon giving even Beth enough light to see. Under her touch, overwhelmed with desire, he had no hope of stopping the change. Into the monster. He couldn’t help thinking it, and couldn’t help turning his face away so that she wouldn’t see.

“Mick. Don’t turn away. Look at me.”

She took his face in her hands, and ever so slowly he turned back to her. He would let her see the monster. But she didn’t believe he was one. She didn’t believe it, all the way down into her soul, and she didn’t care that he had changed into the vampire. She loved him the same either way. She traced his fangs with her fingertips, lightly kissed the corners of his pale eyes, then kissed his mouth just as deeply as she had before. The vampire never cried, but now he felt tears in his cold eyes . . . he heard a breath of a whisper as she broke the kiss . . . “Come here, Mick. . .” Her voice echoed softly in his mind, breaking through all of his barriers, casting them aside. She shifted beneath him, putting a hand to the back of his head to press his face against her throat, then moved both hands to his hips to guide him to her. Her blood pulsed against his mouth, just under her warm skin, and he remembered the sweet rich taste of it.

“Oh God,” he whispered. “Beth –"

Thunder crashed around them, out of a clear sky, and they both sat up with a start, still in each other’s arms. It was day. Mick flung up a hand to shield his eyes and looked back at Beth, but she was gone, and then the sky was gone and Mick was lying in his freezer, staring up at the cloudy condensation on its lid. Someone was pounding on it, a shadowy dark shape. Josef.

Everything else had been a dream. A dream that was turning cold, freezing and fading even as he reached out to try to remember it. Beth had been there . . . in the parking lot . . . she’d kissed him . . . he could still hear her voice, saying you said it wasn’t impossible . . .

“Get up!” Josef shouted, and threw the freezer lid open.

The rest of it was gone. He wished he could remember; he was sure it had been good. But the memory of what had happened last night was all he really needed.

Beth kissed me.

He let the dream go, and came back to the real world.

















-

[francis]

I love Mick’s reaction to the kiss – stunned, happy, slightly worried that it was just an accident.
Love his thoughts about Elaine and the turning of mere children, it was bound to come up with the teen vampire he just killed. Mick had so much pity for him.
Josef is so Josef here, he sure picked up the flirting they did in his office. Mick is giddy about such innocent things, they mean a lot for him, but Josef wouldn’t understand.
I love the Vamp spam from Logan. Of course they would have something like that. Probably the online version of the Vamptastic magazine that Tam is creating.
Mick is so stuck in his version of what a great life would be, having a family and kids. He can’t appreciate the life he has. That’s not a vampire problem, there are millions of people who just don’t get their dream life, women who don’t get pregnant, men who don’t find a girl, people who get sick or who’s partner dies early. Why does he think it’s his right to have the 2,5 kids and the picket fence that no-one really has? He’s a dreamer.

It must be so refreshing for Mick that Beth doesn’t treat him different. That’s making all the difference to other humans, and vampires. It must be like that when you are of a different color or culture or maybe disabled and you meet someone who is neither racist nor supremacist but just ignores that you are different. No politics, no point to prove, just human contact.

The last dream about being with Beth, that was great. He so wants her, he wants to be accepted and loved. My heart aches for him, he’s been so lonely, and here is a woman within his grasp but she belongs to someone else. Yet. And then Josef bangs in.

Great great writing, Shadow!!!

[helloeeze]

Wonderful story! Mick's thoughts after the kiss! I love to hear his thoughts about all the women he has loved. Loved all the details in this. So romantic. I liked the part where Josef called digging for information. Knowing all this, it is a miracle that Mick could ever control himself in BC! It's that vampire self-denial. Makes Mick seem like a man of steel, knowing he was dreaming about Beth in his freezer. I hope you keep up this story, filling in all the gaps with Mick's romantic longings!

[AussieJo]

Oh, Mick! darling, baby, sweetheart!
Jo will make it all better!
God love him. He's so needy isn't he?
And as usual here comes the lovely Josef.
Oh dear! I do hope Mick hasn't 'embarrassed himself.'
He'd never hear the end of it!!!
Well done, Shadow.

[Shadow]

I love Mick’s reaction to the kiss – stunned, happy, slightly worried that it was just an accident.
Love his thoughts about Elaine and the turning of mere children, it was bound to come up with the teen vampire he just killed. Mick had so much pity for him.
Josef is so Josef here, he sure picked up the flirting they did in his office. Mick is giddy about such innocent things, they mean a lot for him, but Josef wouldn’t understand.
I love the Vamp spam from Logan. Of course they would have something like that. Probably the online version of the Vamptastic magazine that Tam is creating.
Mick is so stuck in his version of what a great life would be, having a family and kids. He can’t appreciate the life he has. That’s not a vampire problem, there are millions of people who just don’t get their dream life, women who don’t get pregnant, men who don’t find a girl, people who get sick or who’s partner dies early. Why does he think it’s his right to have the 2,5 kids and the picket fence that no-one really has? He’s a dreamer.

It must be so refreshing for Mick that Beth doesn’t treat him different. That’s making all the difference to other humans, and vampires. It must be like that when you are of a different color or culture or maybe disabled and you meet someone who is neither racist nor supremacist but just ignores that you are different. No politics, no point to prove, just human contact.

The last dream about being with Beth, that was great. He so wants her, he wants to be accepted and loved. My heart aches for him, he’s been so lonely, and here is a woman within his grasp but she belongs to someone else. Yet. And then Josef bangs in.

Great great writing, Shadow!!!

Thank you, francis! That is so great to hear. Happy as Mick was at the end of A.D., I thought he'd still have some reflections about Mineo, and not just because of Elaine. Mick did seem to pity the teen vamp in the episode, and want to help him.
And Mick sure did get giddy about the kiss at the end! That smile ... I can't see Josef quite getting it.
Liked what you said about Mick's regrets about family ... really a universal theme.
Josef does have some terrible timing here. But I think that would probably be just Mick's luck.

[wollstonecraft61]

Uh, that had to be a little embarrassing when Josef awakened Mick from that erotic dream...

[francis]

Uh, that had to be a little embarrassing when Josef awakened Mick from that erotic dream...

I didn't even think of THAT. Of course, why would Josef be so eager to hand Mick a towel? He doesn't strike me as the bashful type, but Mick on the other hand seemed rather embarrassed.

[Shadow]

Wonderful story! Mick's thoughts after the kiss! I love to hear his thoughts about all the women he has loved. Loved all the details in this. So romantic. I liked the part where Josef called digging for information. Knowing all this, it is a miracle that Mick could ever control himself in BC! It's that vampire self-denial. Makes Mick seem like a man of steel, knowing he was dreaming about Beth in his freezer. I hope you keep up this story, filling in all the gaps with Mick's romantic longings!

Thanks helloeeze! You're so right about B.C. .... this would definitely make it harder for Mick. But since in B.C. he seemed just barely in control anyway I thought it would fit. I'll definitely keep going with this, and it's great to know you want to see more .....

[Shadow]

Oh, Mick! darling, baby, sweetheart!
Jo will make it all better!
God love him. He's so needy isn't he?
And as usual here comes the lovely Josef.
Oh dear! I do hope Mick hasn't 'embarrassed himself.'
He'd never hear the end of it!!!
Well done, Shadow.

Thanks so much Jo! After all the things I do to him, I think Mick is gonna need your help, too....
(Actually I think maybe he did 'embarrass himself' .... something about the way Josef tossed the towel over Mick at the start of B.C. .....)

[Shadow]

Uh, that had to be a little embarrassing when Josef awakened Mick from that erotic dream...

ohhh yes.

[Shadow]

Uh, that had to be a little embarrassing when Josef awakened Mick from that erotic dream...

I didn't even think of THAT. Of course, why would Josef be so eager to hand Mick a towel? He doesn't strike me as the bashful type, but Mick on the other hand seemed rather embarrassed.

I too thought Josef was awfully quick with that towel ...

[wpgrace]

OHHHHHHHHH SHADOW!!!!!!!!!!!

This one, this In Between, is just precious and wonderful! The whole first half of it is soooo perfectly in keeping and in character with his beautific smile after that kiss... still my favorite kiss in the series. I love how you portrayed him so similarly to a smitten human young kid... cause that is exactly how his face looked in that scene. This follows that scene seamlessly, utterly seamlessly.

The little hint of further insight into Elaine is wonderful. I am totally wrapped up into that side story in this series... and hang on every little bit of her story that you give us!

The poignancy of his dreams of Lilah and their "family" is just heart rending and emotional and lovely.

I totally giggled at the Logan bits... "vampspam". You are beyond clever.

And then his wishful, erotic AND romantic Beth-dream, interrupted by Josef to begin our next ep, just the perfect ending to what had been a perfectly begun, perfectly continued, and perfectly rendered chapter in your story!

I am SO enjoying this series!

[aolver]

This is my favorite "in between" so far Shadow. Maybe it's because we are getting deeper into how Mick and Beth really feel about each other. Their relationship has always captured my romantic side, and you are writing that so well. This chapter almost made me tear up. Thank you.

[moonlightlover60]

I am just loving all of this. Mick's giddiness at Beth's kiss in the parking lot and that beautiful smile he had at the end. AD is my most favorite ML episode because of that first kiss as you can see from my banner. That man is such a tortured soul but Beth is giving him hope that he can be loved equally as a man and a vampire. She only sees one person and not two separate beings like Mick sees himself. Wow loved seeing his dreams too, he's already so in love with her but I don't think he's even realized how much yet to himself. Damn Josef for showing up.
Every time you mention Elaine I want more. I'm just dying to know what her story is. Why, why would Mick turn a seventeen year old girl? she had to be dying for him to do something like that.
This was wonderful and you truly capture Mick perfectly in your story. I'm really anxious to see his thoughts when Beth came to his place high on BC and wanted him to Join her. I honestly thought (hoped ) that he was going to go for it in that episode, but alas he was the true gentleman that he is. Thanks Shadow

[wollstonecraft61]

I agree, this first kiss is my favorite. It is so innocent, yet full of promise. And the look on Mick's face is priceless and so sweet, what with that look of surprise ("she likes me, she really likes me"), then that sweet little smile. (This is where Alex's acting talents shine; he can express so much in just these types of mannerisms. It's what made me fall helplessly in love with him. )