Promise Forever (PG-13)
Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 6:35 pm
I must be in a morbid mood. This scene popped into my head and wouldn't leave. In my imaginings, this is about a month or so after Sonata and is something that I think would have been inevitable.
My thanks to PNWgal for her suggestions and direction. I'd be stumbling in the dark without her!
Promise Forever
She contemplated him from the doorway. His hands were braced on the top of the half-wall as he stared off into the night. He was a thousand miles away. Figuratively. For now. But she knew what was coming. She’d pretended not to notice his restlessness. The increasing coolness and preoccupation.
How do you fight a fever, an infection that burns you up? Doctor it? Fight it? Or just let it run its course?
A cool breeze swept the terrace, causing her to shiver and wrap her arms around herself. Beth watched as the wind played through the waves of his hair like loving fingers and tears stung her eyes. He was drifting from her and she didn’t know how to moor him.
She stepped out into the dark, feeling it seep into her. Always, the night had held promise for her; a sky full of wishing stars, a breather from school and work, a time for sharing between lovers. Not now. Not anymore. The night without Mick was truly lightless.
“Mick?” Beth wrapped her arms around him, rested her cheek against his frigid back and suppressed a shudder. She felt him stiffen but he didn't move away.
"You should go in. It's chilly up here tonight." Like his body, his voice held no warmth.
"I...I have an idea." Forcing enthusiasm, Beth rubbed her cheek against him. "Why don't we grab some blankets and lie under the stars? We haven't done that in ages."
The answering sigh had her swallowing back the lump in her throat. He was going to make an excuse and she couldn't bear another one.
"Beth." He bowed his head but still hadn't looked at her.
Even the way he said her name had changed. It used to hold a gentle caress, a longing, but lately it only held a weariness that panicked her.
She slid around him, under his arm and wedged herself between him and the wall. His hand automatically came up to hold her back away from the edge of the wall. The small gesture thrilled her.
Beth placed her hand on Mick's cheek, drawing his eyes to hers. She searched his face, hoping to find a trace of the Mick who'd swept her off her feet. Instead, the face that met hers was devoid of emotion. Disheartening though it was, she couldn't give up.
"Mick, what is it?" The crack in his armor was slight, almost invisible but she saw it; a shift of the eyes, a tightening of the jaw. "Talk to me. Please."
He swallowed and looked over her shoulder, back into his own world. "I don't know what you want me to say."
Tired of the dance, Beth decided to end it and force him to face the ghost who'd taken up residence between them, haunting them with relentless spite.
She slid her hand down to his chest and gave a soft slap before moving away, leaning against the wall next to him. She crossed her arms in front of her, tilted her head and looked at him. "When are you leaving?"
His gaze snapped to hers. Surprise slackened his jaw, parting his lips. "How do you know I'm going somewhere?"
A sad smile pulled at her mouth. "Investigative reporter, remember?"
"Ah." He gave a brief nod.
"You're going to France to find Coraline."
Another nod followed by a shift in weight from one foot to the other.
"And if I asked you not to?" She held her breathe, hoping, praying he would say he wouldn't go even though she knew better.
He began to pace, finally stopping in front of her, his hand held out, beseeching. "I've got to go, Beth."
Her hope was choked, strangled. She dropped her head, hiding the humiliation that washed through her. How could she ever have thought that he'd ever truly be hers.
"She sacrificed herself for me. My happiness can't be at her expense. I can't live with that." He waited for her response, clearly wanting her understanding.
But she didn't. She didn't understand and she didn't want to. She shook her head and looked up into his face. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "But her happiness can be at the expense of mine?"
Mick closed his eyes, unable to look at her pain.
If Coraline was afraid to meet what was waiting for her in France he should be too, but that was not Mick's fear. What he feared most was staring up at him through blue pools of pain. How do I make her understand? Only in assuring that Coraline did not suffer on his behalf could he embrace what he'd found with Beth. He thought he could, he tried. But more and more he wondered who 'he' was, and what made his ex-wife fear him so much. Lance had been formidable and she hadn't bowed to him, so why this other person? Bottom line was he couldn't leave her to suffer the consequences alone.
"I can come with you." It was spoken low, as if she'd tried not to suggest it and couldn't bear to hear the words out loud.
Her words squeezed his heart. The truth was he'd thought about it. Leaving Beth was something he'd struggled over, but he had no idea what he'd be walking into. Or if he would even make it home.
Mick realized he hadn't handled this situation all that well. At first he hadn't been sure what he was going to do and once he decided, he didn't know how to tell Beth. He'd begun to distance himself, dreading the pain of the inevitable separation. He should have known that she'd figure it out and that he'd only hurt her in the process.
He stepped forward, laying his forehead against hers and his hands on her shoulders.
"No." His answer was a whisper against her cheek.
Her body convulsed, every fiber of her being jolted by the pain of his rejection.
Mick wrapped his arms around her holding her close, hands grasping at her, desperate to keep her from leaving him. He knew what he was asking of her wasn't fair.
Ignoring the searing burn in her chest, Beth nodded her head against his shoulder, telling him she understood even though she didn't. She could never understand why, if he loved her as he said, he couldn't let his ex-wife go. Why he continued to let her between them.
"I don't know how dangerous it will be, Beth." He grabbed her upper arms, holding her away so he could see her face. "Tell me you understand. Tell me you'll wait for me."
Placing her hands on either cheek, she peered up at him. "I'll tell you what I understand. I understand that you have a ghost you need to put to rest and I understand that I can't help you." Her breath hitched. "Now promise me something."
"Anything." His shaking hand caressed her temple.
"Promise you'll come back to me. Promise me forever and I'll wait however long it takes." Her tears reflected the moonlight, sparkling like the stars above.
"I promise." His voice lowered to a soft rasp, wet with tears of his own. "I love you, Beth Turner."
"You better." Beth's hands moved to encircle his neck as she reached up to kiss him. Mouths moved against each other, sealing promises made and wordlessly making new ones.
Beth let her hand graze his arm as she stepped away and moved towards the door.
"You promised me forever and forever is a very long time, Mick St. John."
My thanks to PNWgal for her suggestions and direction. I'd be stumbling in the dark without her!
Promise Forever
She contemplated him from the doorway. His hands were braced on the top of the half-wall as he stared off into the night. He was a thousand miles away. Figuratively. For now. But she knew what was coming. She’d pretended not to notice his restlessness. The increasing coolness and preoccupation.
How do you fight a fever, an infection that burns you up? Doctor it? Fight it? Or just let it run its course?
A cool breeze swept the terrace, causing her to shiver and wrap her arms around herself. Beth watched as the wind played through the waves of his hair like loving fingers and tears stung her eyes. He was drifting from her and she didn’t know how to moor him.
She stepped out into the dark, feeling it seep into her. Always, the night had held promise for her; a sky full of wishing stars, a breather from school and work, a time for sharing between lovers. Not now. Not anymore. The night without Mick was truly lightless.
“Mick?” Beth wrapped her arms around him, rested her cheek against his frigid back and suppressed a shudder. She felt him stiffen but he didn't move away.
"You should go in. It's chilly up here tonight." Like his body, his voice held no warmth.
"I...I have an idea." Forcing enthusiasm, Beth rubbed her cheek against him. "Why don't we grab some blankets and lie under the stars? We haven't done that in ages."
The answering sigh had her swallowing back the lump in her throat. He was going to make an excuse and she couldn't bear another one.
"Beth." He bowed his head but still hadn't looked at her.
Even the way he said her name had changed. It used to hold a gentle caress, a longing, but lately it only held a weariness that panicked her.
She slid around him, under his arm and wedged herself between him and the wall. His hand automatically came up to hold her back away from the edge of the wall. The small gesture thrilled her.
Beth placed her hand on Mick's cheek, drawing his eyes to hers. She searched his face, hoping to find a trace of the Mick who'd swept her off her feet. Instead, the face that met hers was devoid of emotion. Disheartening though it was, she couldn't give up.
"Mick, what is it?" The crack in his armor was slight, almost invisible but she saw it; a shift of the eyes, a tightening of the jaw. "Talk to me. Please."
He swallowed and looked over her shoulder, back into his own world. "I don't know what you want me to say."
Tired of the dance, Beth decided to end it and force him to face the ghost who'd taken up residence between them, haunting them with relentless spite.
She slid her hand down to his chest and gave a soft slap before moving away, leaning against the wall next to him. She crossed her arms in front of her, tilted her head and looked at him. "When are you leaving?"
His gaze snapped to hers. Surprise slackened his jaw, parting his lips. "How do you know I'm going somewhere?"
A sad smile pulled at her mouth. "Investigative reporter, remember?"
"Ah." He gave a brief nod.
"You're going to France to find Coraline."
Another nod followed by a shift in weight from one foot to the other.
"And if I asked you not to?" She held her breathe, hoping, praying he would say he wouldn't go even though she knew better.
He began to pace, finally stopping in front of her, his hand held out, beseeching. "I've got to go, Beth."
Her hope was choked, strangled. She dropped her head, hiding the humiliation that washed through her. How could she ever have thought that he'd ever truly be hers.
"She sacrificed herself for me. My happiness can't be at her expense. I can't live with that." He waited for her response, clearly wanting her understanding.
But she didn't. She didn't understand and she didn't want to. She shook her head and looked up into his face. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "But her happiness can be at the expense of mine?"
Mick closed his eyes, unable to look at her pain.
If Coraline was afraid to meet what was waiting for her in France he should be too, but that was not Mick's fear. What he feared most was staring up at him through blue pools of pain. How do I make her understand? Only in assuring that Coraline did not suffer on his behalf could he embrace what he'd found with Beth. He thought he could, he tried. But more and more he wondered who 'he' was, and what made his ex-wife fear him so much. Lance had been formidable and she hadn't bowed to him, so why this other person? Bottom line was he couldn't leave her to suffer the consequences alone.
"I can come with you." It was spoken low, as if she'd tried not to suggest it and couldn't bear to hear the words out loud.
Her words squeezed his heart. The truth was he'd thought about it. Leaving Beth was something he'd struggled over, but he had no idea what he'd be walking into. Or if he would even make it home.
Mick realized he hadn't handled this situation all that well. At first he hadn't been sure what he was going to do and once he decided, he didn't know how to tell Beth. He'd begun to distance himself, dreading the pain of the inevitable separation. He should have known that she'd figure it out and that he'd only hurt her in the process.
He stepped forward, laying his forehead against hers and his hands on her shoulders.
"No." His answer was a whisper against her cheek.
Her body convulsed, every fiber of her being jolted by the pain of his rejection.
Mick wrapped his arms around her holding her close, hands grasping at her, desperate to keep her from leaving him. He knew what he was asking of her wasn't fair.
Ignoring the searing burn in her chest, Beth nodded her head against his shoulder, telling him she understood even though she didn't. She could never understand why, if he loved her as he said, he couldn't let his ex-wife go. Why he continued to let her between them.
"I don't know how dangerous it will be, Beth." He grabbed her upper arms, holding her away so he could see her face. "Tell me you understand. Tell me you'll wait for me."
Placing her hands on either cheek, she peered up at him. "I'll tell you what I understand. I understand that you have a ghost you need to put to rest and I understand that I can't help you." Her breath hitched. "Now promise me something."
"Anything." His shaking hand caressed her temple.
"Promise you'll come back to me. Promise me forever and I'll wait however long it takes." Her tears reflected the moonlight, sparkling like the stars above.
"I promise." His voice lowered to a soft rasp, wet with tears of his own. "I love you, Beth Turner."
"You better." Beth's hands moved to encircle his neck as she reached up to kiss him. Mouths moved against each other, sealing promises made and wordlessly making new ones.
Beth let her hand graze his arm as she stepped away and moved towards the door.
"You promised me forever and forever is a very long time, Mick St. John."