Promise Forever (PG-13)

[GuardianAngel]

I must be in a morbid mood. This scene popped into my head and wouldn't leave. In my imaginings, this is about a month or so after Sonata and is something that I think would have been inevitable.

My thanks to PNWgal for her suggestions and direction. I'd be stumbling in the dark without her!


Promise Forever


She contemplated him from the doorway. His hands were braced on the top of the half-wall as he stared off into the night. He was a thousand miles away. Figuratively. For now. But she knew what was coming. She’d pretended not to notice his restlessness. The increasing coolness and preoccupation.

How do you fight a fever, an infection that burns you up? Doctor it? Fight it? Or just let it run its course?

A cool breeze swept the terrace, causing her to shiver and wrap her arms around herself. Beth watched as the wind played through the waves of his hair like loving fingers and tears stung her eyes. He was drifting from her and she didn’t know how to moor him.

She stepped out into the dark, feeling it seep into her. Always, the night had held promise for her; a sky full of wishing stars, a breather from school and work, a time for sharing between lovers. Not now. Not anymore. The night without Mick was truly lightless.

“Mick?” Beth wrapped her arms around him, rested her cheek against his frigid back and suppressed a shudder. She felt him stiffen but he didn't move away.

"You should go in. It's chilly up here tonight." Like his body, his voice held no warmth.

"I...I have an idea." Forcing enthusiasm, Beth rubbed her cheek against him. "Why don't we grab some blankets and lie under the stars? We haven't done that in ages."

The answering sigh had her swallowing back the lump in her throat. He was going to make an excuse and she couldn't bear another one.

"Beth." He bowed his head but still hadn't looked at her.

Even the way he said her name had changed. It used to hold a gentle caress, a longing, but lately it only held a weariness that panicked her.

She slid around him, under his arm and wedged herself between him and the wall. His hand automatically came up to hold her back away from the edge of the wall. The small gesture thrilled her.

Beth placed her hand on Mick's cheek, drawing his eyes to hers. She searched his face, hoping to find a trace of the Mick who'd swept her off her feet. Instead, the face that met hers was devoid of emotion. Disheartening though it was, she couldn't give up.

"Mick, what is it?" The crack in his armor was slight, almost invisible but she saw it; a shift of the eyes, a tightening of the jaw. "Talk to me. Please."

He swallowed and looked over her shoulder, back into his own world. "I don't know what you want me to say."

Tired of the dance, Beth decided to end it and force him to face the ghost who'd taken up residence between them, haunting them with relentless spite.

She slid her hand down to his chest and gave a soft slap before moving away, leaning against the wall next to him. She crossed her arms in front of her, tilted her head and looked at him. "When are you leaving?"

His gaze snapped to hers. Surprise slackened his jaw, parting his lips. "How do you know I'm going somewhere?"

A sad smile pulled at her mouth. "Investigative reporter, remember?"

"Ah." He gave a brief nod.

"You're going to France to find Coraline."

Another nod followed by a shift in weight from one foot to the other.

"And if I asked you not to?" She held her breathe, hoping, praying he would say he wouldn't go even though she knew better.

He began to pace, finally stopping in front of her, his hand held out, beseeching. "I've got to go, Beth."

Her hope was choked, strangled. She dropped her head, hiding the humiliation that washed through her. How could she ever have thought that he'd ever truly be hers.

"She sacrificed herself for me. My happiness can't be at her expense. I can't live with that." He waited for her response, clearly wanting her understanding.

But she didn't. She didn't understand and she didn't want to. She shook her head and looked up into his face. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "But her happiness can be at the expense of mine?"

Mick closed his eyes, unable to look at her pain.

If Coraline was afraid to meet what was waiting for her in France he should be too, but that was not Mick's fear. What he feared most was staring up at him through blue pools of pain. How do I make her understand? Only in assuring that Coraline did not suffer on his behalf could he embrace what he'd found with Beth. He thought he could, he tried. But more and more he wondered who 'he' was, and what made his ex-wife fear him so much. Lance had been formidable and she hadn't bowed to him, so why this other person? Bottom line was he couldn't leave her to suffer the consequences alone.

"I can come with you." It was spoken low, as if she'd tried not to suggest it and couldn't bear to hear the words out loud.

Her words squeezed his heart. The truth was he'd thought about it. Leaving Beth was something he'd struggled over, but he had no idea what he'd be walking into. Or if he would even make it home.

Mick realized he hadn't handled this situation all that well. At first he hadn't been sure what he was going to do and once he decided, he didn't know how to tell Beth. He'd begun to distance himself, dreading the pain of the inevitable separation. He should have known that she'd figure it out and that he'd only hurt her in the process.

He stepped forward, laying his forehead against hers and his hands on her shoulders.

"No." His answer was a whisper against her cheek.

Her body convulsed, every fiber of her being jolted by the pain of his rejection.

Mick wrapped his arms around her holding her close, hands grasping at her, desperate to keep her from leaving him. He knew what he was asking of her wasn't fair.

Ignoring the searing burn in her chest, Beth nodded her head against his shoulder, telling him she understood even though she didn't. She could never understand why, if he loved her as he said, he couldn't let his ex-wife go. Why he continued to let her between them.

"I don't know how dangerous it will be, Beth." He grabbed her upper arms, holding her away so he could see her face. "Tell me you understand. Tell me you'll wait for me."

Placing her hands on either cheek, she peered up at him. "I'll tell you what I understand. I understand that you have a ghost you need to put to rest and I understand that I can't help you." Her breath hitched. "Now promise me something."

"Anything." His shaking hand caressed her temple.

"Promise you'll come back to me. Promise me forever and I'll wait however long it takes." Her tears reflected the moonlight, sparkling like the stars above.

"I promise." His voice lowered to a soft rasp, wet with tears of his own. "I love you, Beth Turner."

"You better." Beth's hands moved to encircle his neck as she reached up to kiss him. Mouths moved against each other, sealing promises made and wordlessly making new ones.

Beth let her hand graze his arm as she stepped away and moved towards the door.

"You promised me forever and forever is a very long time, Mick St. John."

[wpgrace]

Sooooo glad to see this here... and still just as in love with OUR Mick... for this guy here is OUR Mick, as I ever was. Beth will cope. SHE fell in love with OUR Mick too after all...

[coco]

GA this was extra special on the holiday board so I'm really pleased to see this here. I may be a M/B shipper but the Mick I love would never have left Coraline to that fate without trying to help her. It's just not him. Beth is a strong woman who may not understand this because it's about Coraline but she would wait for him and he would come back to her.

Just wonderful GA

[GuardianAngel]

Thank you, grace and coco. You guys are exactly right. Our Mick, the one we fell in love with right from the beginning could never turn a blind eye to the sacrifice Coraline made for him or the danger she might be in. And even though Beth cannot fully understand Mick's need to go, she would know that he DOES have to go.

[francis]

I put off reading this because I wasn't up for something sad, but now I am.

He was drifting from her and she didn’t know how to moor him.

This was the first sentence that made me choke up. But many more followed.
You use the imagery of the cold evening wonderfully to tell a story of loss and loneliness and fate.
Mick has always been a saviour, a hero and a guardian angel for everyone who needed his help, without judgement. Beth was always ready to take him for what he was, when it suited her. Now that it doesn’t, she fails to understand him.
But the ending had me in tears even more. He promised her something he might not be able to fulfill, and she knows it and still steps away. Sigh.
I need to imagine that you wrote a follow-up a few months or even years later when he comes back to her and everything works out, or I won’t be able to lay this story to rest. Just my romantic heart.
And still – because you leave it open, it’s a story that I love and that haunts me just in a good way.

[GuardianAngel]

fancis, I wanted you to know that occasionally, when writing, there are a few people that come to my mind and I'll ask myself 'will so and so like this' or 'will so and so hate this'. You are one of those people that often comes to mind. Just thought I'd let you know. So I'm always glad when you tell me you like it.

Beth was always ready to take him for what he was, when it suited her. Now that it doesn’t, she fails to understand him.

I have to somewhat disagree. I don't think it is that Beth does not understand Mick. I think she does - increasingly so. She realizes he needs to do this and he is having a hard time discussing it with her. Which is why she pushes. And why she does not give him any ultimatums. But she doesn't have to like it when his wants and needs are in direct conflict with her. Nor does she have to refrain from telling him. Beth's a lot more open and honest than Mick is.

[Luxe de Luxe]

I absolutely adored this the first time I read it, GA, and it is just as great on a re-read. The emotions here as so complex, so adult. I love her acceptance of his decision, even though it hurts her, she understands he needs to do this, or he wouldn't be the man she loves. Wonderful stuff.

[darkstarrising]

thankfully, this little gem bubbled to the top where it belongs....

GA, this is quite possibly the way it could have gone, had we been granted a second season....but you have brought the pain and longing out so beautifully, we can feel what they do

The night without Mick was truly lightless.

True for Beth, true for us.

[GuardianAngel]

Thank you, Luxe. Thank you, dsr. I, myself, could see this happening in the near ML future. It would have complicated things but would be necessary. They'd both try to ignore it at first but eventually accept that Mick MUST go. No matter how much it hurt. As you've said, it's who Mick is, the person Beth fell in love with. But can you imagine the heartache of watching him leave, no knowing what's waiting for him or if he'll come back?

[mitzie]

This story gave me chills!! Mick already trying to distance himself from Beth in the way he doesn't react to her in the same way he had been. I love that Beth didn't let him get away with it!!! Yes, Mick would have to go after Coraline, that is Mick's way. I loved the last few lines they held the promise and the love that Mick and Beth have for each other!! Beautiful story!!!!


mitzie

[starbucksjunkie]

GA,

This is a lovely story, and I too could see this happening in a ML universe.

I would love to know what happens next.

[wpgrace]

Thank you, Luxe. Thank you, dsr. I, myself, could see this happening in the near ML future. It would have complicated things but would be necessary. They'd both try to ignore it at first but eventually accept that Mick MUST go. No matter how much it hurt. As you've said, it's who Mick is, the person Beth fell in love with. But can you imagine the heartache of watching him leave, no knowing what's waiting for him or if he'll come back?

Love your question, which I guess you asked yourself when you were writing this... clever question. Yeah... will he be killed... will Cora somehow ensnare him again... will some darkness within him make him feel, for whatever reason, that he can't come back to Beth? She could never know, once she let him go, what would happen... and I'm guessing he wouldn't be real reliable sending postcards, phone calls, or emails, ya know.

So that heartache for Beth... they love each other, but the man she loves can't be the man she loves UNLESS he goes. And she can't ask him to be someone else... difficult dangerous and complicated. And painful.

Have you ever thought of writing a sequel????????

[nutmegger911]

This is not morbid, it is lovely. You allow us to experience the worry and fear through both Beth's and Mick's eyes; and then remind us of their love, caring and commitment to each other. We see them as the individuals and as the couple that they are. Kudos. Well done.

[jen]

Wonderful. So true to character.

I will add my voice to the others who ask if this could be continued. I see a wonderful, suspenseful story of Mick's trip to France.

Of course Mick would have to go after her but what will he find? Will Coraline be a prisoner or is it a trap?

I would love to see more of this !!!

[Liana]

Very touching story!! Woman, you know how to have me in tears.
At least I'm not the only sensitive soul here, if it's any consolation.
I've read this story before, it was nice to read again, emotional roller-coaster.

As to would Mick have gone after Coraline in real ML world... No, I believe he wouldn't have.
First of all, the way Coraline was mentioned, and only once in all last four epis, left no doubt to me about Mick's feelings towards the ex. By giving him the cure she made up for turning him. "Apology" accepted. Period. Btw, Mick did try to fight off Lance when he tried to take Corlaine, even though he was human, and it was stupid and pointless.
If we had the second season, Coraline would have been back in LA with Lance. So she wasn't killed by "him", anyway. IMO Mick wouldn't leave Beth unprotected, knowing how trouble comes to her from out of nowhere, and go chase after Coraline. And he wouldn't have left her under Josef's care either. In FTP it was made clear, he had to be the one to save Beth, though he could have involved other vamps to do the job.
And one more thing. Though many people here say that this is Mick we love and know from the show, I have to disagree. Mick wasn't some kind of narcissistic pseudo-hero, a knight in shining armour driven by guilt of being a monster in the past, lurking in the shadows seeking people he could save to somehow make up for those lives he presumably ruined himself (we don't know what sort of things he was talking about in LLF he did in the past. We only saw him after his turning, when Coraline brought him his first snack).
If you think more, all those people he saved and helped in ML, came to him. He was helping those who asked his help, or he was looking into cases that involved vampires. And btw, Mick had very interesting logic in judgement when it came to those he dealt with. Lee Jay was surely a monster by his standards, Lola had to go, permanently,... Tejada... but at the same time he was sympathizing the teen vamp from AD, though the kid killed many girls, not only in LA! The same thing with dr. Pollack - Mick tried to talk to him first, make him see he didn't have to kill to survive. In both cases Mick was talking from personal experience, and sympathized the "bad guys", even tried to help them, because he once was in their shoes.

What I'm trying to say is many people here put Mick on a pedestal as a hero, in case of this story, saying that Mick should have gone to save Coraline, because it was the right thing to do. But Mick not always did what was right from our POV, more like he tried to do what was not wrong. Again, judging by his own standards! This is what makes Mick so interesting to me. If he was a typical hero, he would have been sooo boring!
But why he DIDN'T even think of going after Coraline - personally to me it would be more interesting to read about, because first of all, that's the way it was in ML, and second, it would add more interesting layers to the character of Mick St. John, make him less perfect, true to Mick from ML, not the Mick we want or expect him to be (even though I'm a 100% MickBeth girl, I felt a bit sorry for Coraline's manipulative ass when Lance took her, the dude was very creepy, and superb in his creepiness. But in the end of every story every character gets what they deserve so to speak, so I guess it was the writer's way of doing justice to Coraline for her deeds). Though in fanfic all bets are off, I guess.

Sorry for the long post with digression.
I agree, we need a sequel to this story!
The dude has to come back safe in one piece, he made a promis after all!