Instinct - PG13 - Champagne Challenge #103
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2009 2:51 am
This is my response to the "I'm a Vampire" Champagne Challenge (#103). Told as a Mick voice over.
Disclaimer: I don't own the world of Moonlight or its inhabitants, but I like to think of it was my home away from home. No copyright infringement is ever intended.
Instinct
The instinct for survival is strong. It’s what keeps a species going. For vampires, it’s part of us on a cellular level. You can try to maintain some sort of control – a grasp of who you are – but the fact is, there’s a point where who you are takes a back seat to what you are. And the result can tear you apart.
So what happened tonight?
Spaulding screwed up. The same way I did twenty-five years ago. If he’d been less talk and more action, he could have finished the job. And I could have gone down in a blaze of – what? Not glory. There’s no glory when you’re lying on the ground, writhing in pain. But at least I could have died as Beth’s hero – instead of living as her worst nightmare.
Tonight she ended Lee Jay’s life – and turned mine upside down.
When you’ve got a back full of silver and the poison is spreading, instinct keeps you going, keeps you focused on what you need to do to survive. That’s how I got here. Everything else was static – white noise – until I heard her heart pounding, like she was trying to break down my door. Only problem is, I had left the damn door open. And she walked right in. I guess even instinct screws up once in a while.
She caught me red-handed – literally. And there was nowhere to hide anymore. Believe me, I tried. Problem is – instinct doesn’t always think things through. You can’t turn off the vampire when survival is on the line – and immediate survival means blood, not worrying about who knows you’re a monster.
She was asking questions, but the only one that registered – the only one that mattered – was, “What are you?” And there was no way out. As my body was screaming, blood, damn it, I need blood; my soul was whimpering an answer. What am I? I’m broken and I’m naked and I’m alone. And right now I’m more scared than I’ve been in fifty-five years. I tried to run away back then, but there’s no escaping it now.
“I’m a vampire.”
You can tell a lot from a person’s eyes, and for a split second I thought she heard me begging her, please don’t be afraid of me. Then the horror registered on her face and I knew there was no going back to the shadows. Everything I had protected for all those years was destroyed in the light of three blinding words.
They say the best defense is a good offense – not that I made a conscious decision. I yelled at her, “Get out. Get out and don’t come back.” Yeah, maybe it was instinct kicking in again. But if I’m being honest, I can’t tell you which one of us I was trying to protect. My body was waging a battle with my head. Sooner or later, the need for blood was going to win and I didn’t want her there when it did. I don’t know how, but I pulled myself up and let her see the blood-stained monster in all its glory. Larger than life. Uglier than death.
She hesitated, opened her mouth like she wanted to say something. But all I heard was my name, like a question asking what happened to the man she thought she knew.
“Go!” It came out more of a snarl than I intended, but instinct had smelled an opening. I half expected some resistance, but she was still in shock. She looked back once and asked if I’d be all right. Maybe I shouldn’t have turned my back, but I just couldn’t stand to see that look in her eyes again.
Pity and condemnation are two side of the same coin and I wasn’t taking donations. At least not that kind. I just never thought the sound of that door clicking shut could bring me to my knees so quickly.
What now? I don’t know. There’s a poison inside me and it’s deeper and more deadly than what Guillermo dug out. I’ll live, but I’ll never be alive again. I thought I’d gotten used to that idea until tonight. It’s instinct -- you go on because you have to. But whatever it is that keeps me here – I’m not sure it’s enough anymore. I just drove off the one thing that made it bearable.
So here I am with this lighter – flicking it on, off, on – staring into the flames again and wondering if I should finish what Spaulding started. Wondering – if who I am is greater than what I am.
Maybe it’s not up to me to decide. The instinct for survival is strong – but sometimes the need for connection is stronger.
-------
Disclaimer: I don't own the world of Moonlight or its inhabitants, but I like to think of it was my home away from home. No copyright infringement is ever intended.
Instinct
The instinct for survival is strong. It’s what keeps a species going. For vampires, it’s part of us on a cellular level. You can try to maintain some sort of control – a grasp of who you are – but the fact is, there’s a point where who you are takes a back seat to what you are. And the result can tear you apart.
So what happened tonight?
Spaulding screwed up. The same way I did twenty-five years ago. If he’d been less talk and more action, he could have finished the job. And I could have gone down in a blaze of – what? Not glory. There’s no glory when you’re lying on the ground, writhing in pain. But at least I could have died as Beth’s hero – instead of living as her worst nightmare.
Tonight she ended Lee Jay’s life – and turned mine upside down.
When you’ve got a back full of silver and the poison is spreading, instinct keeps you going, keeps you focused on what you need to do to survive. That’s how I got here. Everything else was static – white noise – until I heard her heart pounding, like she was trying to break down my door. Only problem is, I had left the damn door open. And she walked right in. I guess even instinct screws up once in a while.
She caught me red-handed – literally. And there was nowhere to hide anymore. Believe me, I tried. Problem is – instinct doesn’t always think things through. You can’t turn off the vampire when survival is on the line – and immediate survival means blood, not worrying about who knows you’re a monster.
She was asking questions, but the only one that registered – the only one that mattered – was, “What are you?” And there was no way out. As my body was screaming, blood, damn it, I need blood; my soul was whimpering an answer. What am I? I’m broken and I’m naked and I’m alone. And right now I’m more scared than I’ve been in fifty-five years. I tried to run away back then, but there’s no escaping it now.
“I’m a vampire.”
You can tell a lot from a person’s eyes, and for a split second I thought she heard me begging her, please don’t be afraid of me. Then the horror registered on her face and I knew there was no going back to the shadows. Everything I had protected for all those years was destroyed in the light of three blinding words.
They say the best defense is a good offense – not that I made a conscious decision. I yelled at her, “Get out. Get out and don’t come back.” Yeah, maybe it was instinct kicking in again. But if I’m being honest, I can’t tell you which one of us I was trying to protect. My body was waging a battle with my head. Sooner or later, the need for blood was going to win and I didn’t want her there when it did. I don’t know how, but I pulled myself up and let her see the blood-stained monster in all its glory. Larger than life. Uglier than death.
She hesitated, opened her mouth like she wanted to say something. But all I heard was my name, like a question asking what happened to the man she thought she knew.
“Go!” It came out more of a snarl than I intended, but instinct had smelled an opening. I half expected some resistance, but she was still in shock. She looked back once and asked if I’d be all right. Maybe I shouldn’t have turned my back, but I just couldn’t stand to see that look in her eyes again.
Pity and condemnation are two side of the same coin and I wasn’t taking donations. At least not that kind. I just never thought the sound of that door clicking shut could bring me to my knees so quickly.
What now? I don’t know. There’s a poison inside me and it’s deeper and more deadly than what Guillermo dug out. I’ll live, but I’ll never be alive again. I thought I’d gotten used to that idea until tonight. It’s instinct -- you go on because you have to. But whatever it is that keeps me here – I’m not sure it’s enough anymore. I just drove off the one thing that made it bearable.
So here I am with this lighter – flicking it on, off, on – staring into the flames again and wondering if I should finish what Spaulding started. Wondering – if who I am is greater than what I am.
Maybe it’s not up to me to decide. The instinct for survival is strong – but sometimes the need for connection is stronger.
-------
You really have a wonderful ear for him. Interesting take on the challenge with Mick's POV.
I wasn't sure -- posting so late and right before the board closing -- if many people would even see this.