Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

User avatar
librarian_7
Forever Moonlightaholic
Posts: 23481
Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:21 pm
Location: wherever Josef is
Contact:

Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by librarian_7 »

Disclaimer: The usual, don't own anything.

My take on Champagne Challenge #103 "He's a vampire!"

Promise


I shot a man three days ago. Shot and killed him. I’d never shot at a human being before. It was probably an accident that I hit him at all—I certainly wasn’t aiming for his neck. I just knew I had to stop him, before he killed Mick.

It was awful, more awful than I could have imagined. I’d seen bodies before, after all, I’ve been doing reports from crime scenes for a long time now. And I guess I knew how much blood there is in a body, but somehow it’s different when you see it spraying out from a fresh wound, and you know you caused it. It wasn’t self-defense, exactly, but they’ll say it was justifiable. Lee Jay was standing over Mick—holding a blowtorch just inches away from his face...I had to do something. So I squeezed the trigger, like the instructor at the shooting range always said, and the gun went off.

It’s not like I was voted “Most likely to shoot a man” in my high school yearbook, or anything.

And you’d think, really, that killing a homicidal ex-con to save someone’s life might be the most stunning thing that would happen in the space of one night. I thought I’d get a chance to wrap my brain around that, before anything else happened.

But I was worried about Mick. I knew he’d been hurt, and somehow in all the confusion once the police got there, he slipped away. I should have gone to him as soon as Lee Jay went down, and I meant to, but I was standing there, and I had the oddest flashes of what happened to me when I was four. I could see the woman in white, and the fire, and the man who saved me, and it was like all those dreams I’d had over the years. Maybe it was Mick, lying on the floor, cringing away from that flame. Maybe it was the trauma of the whole thing. But for awhile, after the gun went off, I just stood and stared stupidly at Lee Jay’s body, and Mick—poor wounded Mick—crawled away and disappeared.

Later, when my consciousness started functioning again, I knew I had to find him, I had to make sure he was all right. Why? Hey, if I’m willing to shoot someone to save their life, I’m interested enough to want to check up on them afterward.

I didn’t really expect to find him at his loft, but it seemed like the place to start. And then, when I got there, I could see from the elevator that his door was standing open. That was another surprise, and it scared me a little. From what I’d seen, Mick was anything but careless.

I got really worried when I saw that, and before I could stop and think about it, I was running for the doorway. I remember skidding to a stop just inside the door.

He was there, huddled on the floor, back to me…I could see the holes in the shoulder of his coat, the fabric shiny with blood around them. Yet he didn’t act somehow like I expected, either. There had been so many things that didn’t add up, so many oddities. When he heard me in the door, he hunched down further, and when I asked if he was all right, all he said was “Please leave.” He wouldn’t look at me.

I babbled something…I forget what, exactly, and circled around, trying to get a good look at him. He tried to hide, tried to keep me from seeing him. His hair was hanging in greasy strings, and he was almost unrecognizable. He was twitching and clutching a bag of something, some liquid. I’d done a story once that involved going into one of the worst parts of town, talking to strung-out junkies, and this reminded me of that.

“Please don’t look at me.” There was so much pain and shame in his voice, and he was still trying to hide. Maybe I should have listened, maybe I should have walked away like he wanted me to. Then again, he probably should have known me better than that. I remember thinking, what is he trying to hide, why is he trying to hide from me? It hadn’t been that long since we parted at the warehouse. What could have happened to him, to cause this?

That’s when he looked up, and I saw those silver eyes for the first time, saw the blood drying on his chin, realized what was in the plastic bag he was clutching like a lifeline. And before the pain in those eyes could register, the words just tumbled out of my mouth. Words I regretted before they were completely spoken.

“What are you?”

I don’t think I can ever forget the look on his face when he replied.

“I’m a vampire.”

I’M A VAMPIRE!? Just stop and let that one sink in for a minute. And if that’s not enough to make a girl run screaming into the morning light, I don’t know what is.

I didn’t, though. I stood there in shock, hand still over my mouth. I could almost feel the questions start forming in my brain, packs of them jostling to get to my tongue and be first out the gate. Ready to go live with camera and lights, on a story I could never tell. But I didn’t start asking questions, not then. For once, I guess shock was a good thing.

My feet really turned into the first response team. They moved me toward the door, and as I went, my brain clicked into motion again. So when I got to the door, instead of going on through it, and back into the reality I used to know, I stopped. Closed it softly. I didn’t think he wanted anyone else wandering in and discovering what he’d obviously been keeping very secret.

Meanwhile, little odds and ends of pieces were falling together in my head. All the stuff that didn’t add up. The picture in Julia’s book, the way he seemed to be able to get places faster than he should be, Bobby Desmond’s statements that contradicted what Mick had told me. And all the things Mick had been reluctant to tell me….it was all making, not sense, there’s no way someone tells you they’re a fictional monster and it makes sense, but nevertheless, it did.

When I turned around, he’d huddled down further on the floor. I knew he thought I’d left. The twitching in his shoulders was worse. He looked…desolate.

Maybe I should have been afraid. After all, I’d never read anything about vampires that didn’t say they were (or would be, if they existed, of course) anything but dangerous, possibly deadly. But this was Mick, for heaven’s sakes. If he was what he said…and those eyes had been really convincing…he’d had lots of chances to hurt me. And I didn’t think he would. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t see it.

Right then, he was obviously hurt, and the only question I let out of my mouth was, “Mick, how can I help?”

He didn’t turn around and look, he just fisted his hands and put them over his eyes. He still had that bag of blood in one hand, but I think he’d forgotten it. “You can’t,” he said. “No one can.”

Okay, that pissed me off. So I pointed out that he didn’t wander off and leave me, when that insane serial killer of a grad student had me. That he didn’t leave Julia to get killed by Lee Jay.

In answer, he told me to go again. “I can take care of myself,” he said. “Just leave. Please.”

“Yeah,” I told him. “Not when you’re hurt.” There was a little voice in the back of my head that kept saying it had to be a delusion, that whatever he had in those plastic bags, couldn’t be blood. The other little voice told me that with a back full of buckshot—and I’d heard the blasts as I ran into the warehouse—he wouldn’t have been able to get back to his apartment. So I walked over closer, and picked up a bag, which was clearly labeled as human blood, type A+, and knelt down beside him. “You were drinking this,” I said, “does it help?”

He peered up over his fists at me, then shot a hand out and grabbed the bag from me. I didn’t know anyone could move that fast. “Yes,” he mumbled, “it helps.” There was a long pause, like he was trying to gather his thoughts. “But I can’t drink in front of you, Beth.”

There’s not much more to tell, I guess. I hated to leave him like that, but he swore he had someone coming by to help—a friend—and he’d be okay. I offered to wait for his friend to arrive, and that sent him into more of a spin.

So I left. What else could I do? He swore he’d call me, let me know he was all right. But it’s been three days, and no word. If I don’t hear from him today, I’m going over there. Tonight. And then, we’re going to talk. That’s a promise.
User avatar
cassysj
100% Moonlightaholic
Posts: 12740
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 5:58 am

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by cassysj »

I really like how this touched on the emotional shock for Beth that evening. I also liked this part
librarian_7 wrote:
It wasn’t self-defense, exactly, but they’ll say it was justifiable.
It shows clearly Beth's mind when it comes to Mick. It also makes it so much easier to believe that Beth in a couple of months would contact Josef to order a hit on someone who would bring harm to Mick.

I've read more Beth in the last few days than I have in a year.
Image
User avatar
allegrita
Moonlightaholic Admin
Posts: 45960
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 9:22 am
Location: Snuggled under the brown afghan, watching the fire

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by allegrita »

Lucky, I love this. I love comparing it to my own entry in this challenge. It's as if mine reflects Beth's response as it happened and yours shows Beth thinking about it a few days later, after she sorted some of it out. Yeah, the details aren't the same, but I think we both have the same sense of Beth's response to what happened that night. And I'm proud to feel that way--because I have so much respect for you as a writer and for your utter sense of the Moonlight world.

Beautiful job.
Image
User avatar
MoonShadow
Logan's WoW nemesis
Posts: 938
Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2009 2:26 am
Location: Sitting on a staircase somewhere

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by MoonShadow »

Nicely done lady. I always hated the editing on that shot. It begged for more. Yeah!!! more early stuff.

MoonShadow

who should be studying and writing both papers that are due, but who instead is reading fanfic and trying to copy all her fic to storage for the big move.
Image
Banner by Lilly

Be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn
The power of man, for none of woman born
Shall harm Macbeth.

Macbeth, 4. 1
User avatar
librarian_7
Forever Moonlightaholic
Posts: 23481
Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:21 pm
Location: wherever Josef is
Contact:

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by librarian_7 »

Thanks, Cassy...see, a little Beth now and then is good for you!

And Alle...I haven't read yours yet, as I wanted to post before reading other challenge responses...but trust me, I'm on my way there now!

Lucky
User avatar
PNWgal
Moonlightaholic Mod
Posts: 14732
Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 8:40 pm
Location: Stuck in the middle between Mick and Josef

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by PNWgal »

Oh lovely, Lucky - written from Beth's POV!
And before the pain in those eyes could register, the words just tumbled out of my mouth. Words I regretted before they were completely spoken.
I always wondered if she even thought about what she had said - WHAT are you. Like he's some sort of creature instead of a tortured soul.

I love Beth's voice here - she wants to help but doesn't know how. The only thing she can do is to leave him.

Very nice!
Image

Banner by the talented GuardianAngel


"It is better to keep silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." - George Eliot

"The dogs may bark, but the caravan passes on." - old Arab proverb

"Do the best you can do. Love many. Trust few." - Jack Ingram
User avatar
wpgrace
100% Moonlightaholic
Posts: 16429
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 2:25 pm

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by wpgrace »

LOVE it!!

Such a calm, practical approach, by Beth and by you, in describing what happened next... and what she thought about it at the time, and later. I love how you have her walking to the door to close it... cause he shouldn't've left the damn thing open. I love how you have her think of the comparison with a junkie and a story she would've done... that really WOULD be her point of reference. I love how you have her threatening to go over there after 3 days... and that she's called him and he hasn't responded... we KNOW that happens with him.

The only part I question is... are you SURE she wasn't voted most likely to shoot a man in school? :devil:

And your entry isn't late... last is never least... and I love this challenge!!!
Image
Banner by redwinter101. I miss you, Beloved.
Awesome avatar by the awesome, clever, and gracious Lilly.

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed. Lilly Tomlin

Grateful to Alex for Mick, Andy, and McG. :)
User avatar
AggieVamp
Rogue vampire
Posts: 1509
Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2009 2:26 am
Location: Central Texas
Contact:

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by AggieVamp »

Lucky -

I loved this! :) Great to see how Beth perceived all she saw.

:cheer:

Karen
Image
Banner by HotMicks

Growing Old is Mandatory, Growing Up is Optional - and I Opt NOT to Grow Up!
:petcat: :petcat:
User avatar
coco
Cleaner
Posts: 6983
Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 6:17 pm
Location: In my own little corner of Moonlight heaven :)
Contact:

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by coco »

As I mentioned when I commented on Alle's story I love anything from Beth's POV so I feel spoiled tonight. I just loved this Lucky :clapping:
coco's Fan Vids/coco's Graphic Art
Image
Avi by TugaFanatic & banner by me. Thank you.

"Maybe it was her blood in my veins that let me feel her. The beating of her very living heart. Or maybe, we've always been connected." Mick & Beth - Moonlight


coco's YT channel
coco's Vimeo channel
100% Moonlight Tumblr
:twothumbs:
User avatar
one.zebra
Logan's WoW nemesis
Posts: 942
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2009 10:35 am
Location: -in Michigan...give blood-->play hockey!

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by one.zebra »

Crap...note to self: write your comment BEFORE you read everyone elses' thoughtful, eloquently written comments....brain is empty now...
Image
Banner and avatar by Twilightdew!

Travelling 33rpm in an iPod world
User avatar
darkstarrising
100% Moonlightaholic
Posts: 11014
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 2:25 am

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by darkstarrising »

Lucky,

Loved how you realistically brought Beth's reaction into shooting and killing someone into the story...she was dazed as she walked away and was still trying to wrap her brain around it all.

Yet, what drives her on is her concern for Mick...she's got to find out what happened and when she finds him, she can barely wrap her brain around that as well. She wants to help, but has to trust him that he'll be ok. But, in true reporter form, she will return and find out what happened. That's her promise.
darkstarrising
Love – the universal language, the story of Moonlight
View My Fanfic Index

Image

Thanks to the talented and generous Phoenix for my beautiful banner!
User avatar
librarian_7
Forever Moonlightaholic
Posts: 23481
Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:21 pm
Location: wherever Josef is
Contact:

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by librarian_7 »

Thanks, PNW...I thought it would be nice to explore what Beth was thinking (or not thinking!) in that scene...we think so much about what was going through Mick's brain, but Beth is the one who really got a surprise.

Grace, I've always thought, if he'd just closed the door, he wouldn't have been in the position. And I've always liked the idea that he would think she was leaving, when she wasn't.

Karen, coco, O.Z, thanks for reading. I haven't written much Beth, so this was extra challenging!

And DSR, I did think she was way too shellshocked at that time to be thinking straight. But knowing how dogged she is in pursuit of a story, it's not surprising she'd come back to question him once she'd had a chance to process things a bit.

Lucky
mitzie
Courtesan
Posts: 2911
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:39 am
Location: Somewhere in Moonlight land...

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by mitzie »

Love this! You do Beth quite well!! :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :yahoo: :groupwave: :cheering: :yahoo: :hyper: :hyper: :hyper: :hyper: :thud: :thud: :clapping: :rose:

mitzie
User avatar
redwinter101
100% Moonlightaholic
Posts: 23759
Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 10:19 am
Location: lost in Moonlight, forever

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by redwinter101 »

What I loved most about this was the precision of Beth's internal monologue. I can hear her having those conversations - I can even imagine her giving them voice. She has always struck me as someone who works things out and acts based on her own thought process and I love how you've laid that out here.

The mix of emotion, confusion, and the speed with which she gets over the act of taking a life all ring very true indeed.

Red
Image

Click here for my story index

"Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality" - Emily Dickinson
User avatar
jenstc2003
Rogue vampire
Posts: 1622
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 3:31 am
Location: Just this side of insanity, sitting on Mick's lap
Contact:

Re: Promise PG-13 (Challenge #103)

Post by jenstc2003 »

Very nicely done Lucky!!!
Jen

Image

Mick's Synful One
Post Reply

Return to “Mick and Beth”