The Great Divide- A Syn Freshie Fic PG13

[jenstc2003]

The Great Divide
Rating- Pg 13
Disclaimer- Nope- I don't own Mick and Josef. Carson and Syn, however, are all mine.
Notes- This story developed from the basic situation that has been created on the Willing Freshies Forever threads, which have taken the characters and realities from Moonlight, and gone in an alternate direction with them.
Synclaire Smythe is my alter ego in the WFF and this is the continuation of her story.

October 7, 2008
This has to rank as one of the hardest days of my life. I throw myself down on my bed and just sob as soon as I hear the door shut behind him. Maybe it’s not the end of the world, but it’s damned close. All I want to do is just close my eyes and forget that it ever happened… but it’s not possible.

Carson had been woken up this morning by an early phone call, and came back into the room about ten minutes later, sitting beside me on the bed and looking at me, stunned- as if he didn’t know what to say. “Baby, I don’t know how to even… begin to tell you what I was just asked to do. That was Miranda. She wants me to- well, she wanted to talk. She thinks that I have been… neglecting her, to put it mildly. She says I need to get my priorities worked out. Either I give you up, or I give up Freshie life. She says that it’s impossible to have both- at least at the same time. And she is serious about it- she’d probably go so far as to see to it that you were hurt if I didn’t make a choice between you. What am I going to do? I don’t want to lose you- but...”

He looked- broken. But there was nothing I could do to make it any better- we both know perfectly well what could happen if we challenged her. But that doesn’t make it any easier to accept. “How dare she expect that? My God! Of course, it’s hard to keep a relationship going and be an Ex- we both know that. But to expect you to just give up on a relationship that is working for her convenience? That’s just… selfish beyond words.” Truth be told, if she had been here, I’d probably have lobbed her head off on the spot. I was that angry. I threw a pillow against the mattress, and I could see Morg flinch from her doggie bed at the foot of our bed. She’s not used to me being upset, and it always bothers her- and it has since she was a tiny puppy.

Carson noticed her reaction too, and took me in his arms, trying to calm me before I could do or say anything else. “I don’t have the answers to that one. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Why can’t we just be happy? Mick’s fine with it- and Miranda was. What changed?”

He take a few seconds to reply, as if mulling over the words. “I wish I could tell you. That was the first question I asked myself- and her. She wouldn't answer it. But I have been spending a lot less time with her than I used to- maybe I have been neglecting her a bit. She sure seems to think so. But if I am, it’s certainly not badly enough to make her this angry. I think it’s the fact that I’m working so hard to balance everything- she’s worried about me, and she’s not one to admit that, so she lashes out. You know how some people are. She even said that she liked you- just that, for now, you were a distraction.”

That doesn’t help me at all. “So- I’m a good person, but because I keep you from focuing every ounce of your attention from her, I’m a threat?”

“That’s the general thrust of her argument. I even told her that I love you- but it didn’t help. What it really comes down to is that she wants me to focus on her while I’m a Freshie- and I can’t necessarily blame her for that. Especially since I used to be there so often. So-the question is, what do we do? I’d leave her for you- but I don’t know if it’s time… do you want me to do that?”

I had to think about that one for a minute- mostly that he’d even ask- because the answer was painfully obvious. “I’m not going to ask that of you. You love the Freshie life too much- and so do I. As much as I hate it, it’s not time for that yet. We could go to Mick- he or Josef might be able to talk some sense into her. They’re both respected in the community- maybe it would help.”

“Yeah- we could. I know Mick is a good guy- he’d probably do whatever he could do. That’s just about our only option if we decide to challenge her. But I don’t see it working.”

“Me either. We both know how hard it is to keep our relationship going and still do right by our vamps. It’s beyond exhausting- but we’ve managed to do it. I think that says something about us. But, I also think we both knew that it was going to have to come to a head at some point- you can’t keep juggling six things at once without dropping something. I know how much you like her, and I don’t want to see you two fighting over me. So… it looks like…”

He pulled me close, rubbing my shoulder, and petting my hair as I held on to him and cried. “Yeah. We really only have one option. We can’t win this one, babe. Not right now anyway. But- that doesn’t make it right.”

I looked up at him, doing my best to regain my composure, but failing miserably when I see the veil of tears forming in his eyes. “If we are going to do it, then we need to just say good bye- walk through that door and be done. We’ll see each other- if only at the dog park. And she never said we had to stop being friends.”

“No- I guess that’s true. So- we say good bye for now, and when we’re ready…”

I nodded, wanting nothing more than to just hold him and make this nightmare disappear. “Yeah. I guess that’s what we have to do. We aren’t going to stop caring for each other- I think that’s a given. Maybe we can find a way to come back to this when we’re ready. Damn, I hate it, though.”

At that, he began to sob too, and I could feel his arm tightening around my back, as if he was trying to hold on to me for as long as possible. “Believe me, so do I. But sometimes… things don’t work for a reason. I know you have wanted to spend more time at the FOS- maybe this is your chance to do that. I’m sure Mick will appreciate that. So- you enjoy being with your friends and with Mick. I’ll do the same with Miranda and the guys… then we’ll see what happens when we are ready to retire. But never doubt- never doubt that I love you.”

For some reason, I don’t dare return the endearment- as if to admit it would make it that much harder to walk away. Besides, we both know how we feel. “I have wanted to spend more time with Mick and the girls- I just never thought it would have to hurt this much.”

“Me either. But I guess we don’t get to make the rules. We just have to live within them.” The brave words came at a price, though. I could see him fighting back a major deluge of tears- and he’s not a man who I could ever imagine crying easily. He held me like that for a long time, then kissed me one last time and walked out with a quiet. “I’ll see you later, beautiful.”

So, here I am, crying, and trying to make sense of the impossible. There’s really only one thing that can break the clouds that have gathered over my head. So I hold Morg until the tears have dried, then give her a long walk and drive over to the FOS, hoping that someone will be there. I don’t want to be alone right now.

[francis]

:shock: Sniff. I haven't read this before. It's difficult for a freshie to have a normal relationship, and seems even harder for a male freshie, as their vamp seems to be more jealous than I can imagine Josef or Mick ever to be. Poor Syn.

[jenstc2003]

*Nods* Yeah- that was a black day. Its' very hard for ANY Freshie to have a normal relationship, but for two Freshies- much less two Ex's (a more intense level of commitment to the vamps)- it's doubly difficult. I think the jealousy thing is very individual. For example, I don't see Josef handling one of his Ex's having a relationship outside of being a Freshie very well at all (not that they would). Mick is somewhat more understanding of that- in fact, one of his Ex's was married at one time. I think Mick sees a world for them that includes life after Freshiedom in ways that J doesn't.

:shock: Sniff. I haven't read this before. It's difficult for a freshie to have a normal relationship, and seems even harder for a male freshie, as their vamp seems to be more jealous than I can imagine Josef or Mick ever to be. Poor Syn.