Finding Innocence - Chapter 4 - PG
Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 6:53 pm
Chapter 4
Mick stood up, putting aside his own immediate concerns, and pulled out his phone and the piece of paper Renee Williams had given him. He didn’t want the boy’s mother to worry any longer than necessary. He had to call her - it was the right thing to do. “Mrs. Williams? Mick St. John. I’ve got Matthew – he’s fine. Don’t worry. I’ll have him back to you as soon as I can.” He spoke vaguely as he ended the call, hoping to buy himself a little more time.
Mick looked down at Matthew who was now lying face down on the ground intently tracing vague outlines with his finger in the gravelly dust. When Mick reached down to take the boy’s small hand, Matthew wrenched it free, rolling onto his back. He immediately held the offended hand out in front of his face, examining the palm just briefly. Then, with jerky motions, he began moving it in and out before his eyes as if playing Dixieland trombone.
“Uh, uh, unh, uh, uh.”
Mick squatted back down next to Matthew, trying to get the little boy to make eye contact with him.
“Hey, Buddy – can you look at me for a minute?”
“Uh, uh, unh, uh, uh, unh, unh...”
When Matthew finally sat up and turned to the vampire, he looked at Mick’s eyes studying them for a moment, before announcing “I like the white ones better.”
Mick closed his eyes and drew in a breath.
“Matthew, do you trust me?”
“What is “trust”?”
Trust? The irony was not lost on Mick, that he, of all people, should be explaining the concept of trust to anyone. He and trust had been strangers for more years than he cared to count. Trust was certainly not his forte. Still, he had no choice but to try. He sat down next to the boy, legs outstretched.
“Trust is when you believe -,” he began thoughtfully, “when you know that someone won’t hurt you.”
“Won’t hurt you.” Matthew repeated. He then turned his attention back to his hands, which he shook alternately on either side of his face, as he made short humming sounds. Mick sensed that the boy was still listening, and so he decided to continue.
“It’s important – really important that you don’t tell anyone you think I’m a vampire. All right, Buddy?”
“Why?” The boy stopped his movements.
“Because,” Mick explained, “It wouldn’t be good for people to know.”
“Why?”
“It’s complicated – they wouldn’t understand.” Mick offered, “It can be our secret.”
“It’s not good to keep secrets. Mommy said it. No secrets – ‘specially with strangers.” Matthew began to rock back and forth.
The PI had to admit that this was an important rule, a sadly necessary caution against the human predators all too common in today’s world. It was exactly what any mother should tell her child. How could he ask this boy to make an exception and disregard such a critical lesson? How could he undermine the child’s relationship with his mother – the one person who was clearly his lifeline to the “normal” world? Mick couldn’t ask the little boy to hide the truth and he wouldn’t ask him to lie. With his secret in the balance, it seemed no matter what approach Mick tried, he was bound to pit his own self-interest against the child’s. They were at an impasse. What it finally came down to was that he could ask Matthew for no assurances and the boy could give him none.
They sat silently side by side for several minutes – an odd pair. Neither one truly at ease in the world around them, yet neither willing to be shut out. Finally, the child turned to the PI and climbed onto his legs. Looking directly into Mick’s eyes, the little boy tilted his head from one side to the other, regarding him curiously.
“Do it again.”
Mick tensed. Even though he suspected he knew the answer, he felt compelled to ask, “Do what again?”
Matthew leaned close and whispered, “Be - a vampire.”
With that single uttered breath, an unfamiliar warmth washed over Mick. He was completely taken aback by the simplicity, the purity of the request. It was that honesty and naiveté that somehow compelled him to act against his better judgment - to ignore every self-protective instinct, every carefully measured ounce of self-control he had struggled to maintain. Such thick walls of reserve had taken years to build, and in just minutes - in the company of a child with no regard for social mores or personal space – they crumbled. As wide-eyed innocence looked on, he closed his eyes and lowered his head – and set the vampire free.
Matthew stared in wonder as the silver-blue eyes slowly opened, looking back at him with a vulnerability that he was incapable of understanding. Taking in every nuance of the change, he held the face of a monster without fear or condemnation. Mick sat motionless as the child gazed at him in wonder.
The vampire could not have been more still if there were a stake imbedded in his heart. He feared that any unintended gesture or wrong movement might scare the little boy and end the moment. He needn’t have worried, though, because the child had no sense of any danger from his new friend. Matthew smiled a truly joyful smile. And, from a place deep within his soul, the vampire smiled back - fangs and all.
“Ahhhhh,” the little boy sighed, like small motor winding down to a stop. “You – crack – me - up.”
He threw his arms around the vampire’s chest and hugged him with his whole being. And, when he was done, he stayed there, perfectly content, with his head resting on the lapel of Mick’s coat. It was as though he had found the most comfortable place in the world - a safe place where he was no longer bombarded with confusing signals that he had to navigate or arbitrary expectations that he was required to meet. He found a place where he could just – be.
It was the difference between being accepted in spite of what you are and being totally embraced because of what you are. Although that distinction might be lost on some, the feeling was anything but subtle to Mick St. John. After all, there was a small child snuggled on his lap – on the vampire’s lap.
Mick’s head dropped down until his chin came to a rest on top of Matthew’s fine brown hair. For the first time – ever –he was totally at peace within that pale, translucent skin. In those few heartbeats, he had no desire to be anything other than what he was at that instant. Fully aware of the fleeting nature of the moment, he savored it and let the warmth of that small, gentle acceptance fill him. It nourished his weary soul in a way he no longer thought possible. He knew too well that the somber realities of his unnatural existence would flood back with the light of the next sunrise, but, whatever the repercussions; tonight there would be no regrets.
It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes, but that small part of an hour soothed the wounds of the previous half of a century. For his part, Mick understood that it couldn’t last. He pulled the vampire inward as he allowed his cheek to rest on the boy’s head one last time. “Well,” he told himself, “it’s time to face the music.” There was an undeniable sadness in that thought, but the music this time had nothing to do with the blues.
Mick patted Matthew on the back and said resolutely, “C’mon buddy – it’s time to take you back to your mom.” They stood up together, looking each other over for a minute. Mick held out his hand, but the boy refused to take it. He did, however, walk closely beside the PI as they headed back toward the main street. Passing the dumpster, Mick stooped down to retrieve the slightly scratched Nintendo DS and offered it to Matthew.
“Thank – you.”
Mick smiled and turned to continue on, but Matthew didn’t move. Much to Mick’s dismay, the child was frowning at him again. “What’s the matter now?” Mick was forced to ask.
“You’re sup –posed to say ‘You’re welcome’.” the glaring boy reprimanded.
Mick raised his eyebrows. “You’re welcome.”
“O – K.”
As they emerged from the out of the shadows into the light of the city street, a small hand found its way up to the PI’s sleeve and held on.
-----
Mick stood up, putting aside his own immediate concerns, and pulled out his phone and the piece of paper Renee Williams had given him. He didn’t want the boy’s mother to worry any longer than necessary. He had to call her - it was the right thing to do. “Mrs. Williams? Mick St. John. I’ve got Matthew – he’s fine. Don’t worry. I’ll have him back to you as soon as I can.” He spoke vaguely as he ended the call, hoping to buy himself a little more time.
Mick looked down at Matthew who was now lying face down on the ground intently tracing vague outlines with his finger in the gravelly dust. When Mick reached down to take the boy’s small hand, Matthew wrenched it free, rolling onto his back. He immediately held the offended hand out in front of his face, examining the palm just briefly. Then, with jerky motions, he began moving it in and out before his eyes as if playing Dixieland trombone.
“Uh, uh, unh, uh, uh.”
Mick squatted back down next to Matthew, trying to get the little boy to make eye contact with him.
“Hey, Buddy – can you look at me for a minute?”
“Uh, uh, unh, uh, uh, unh, unh...”
When Matthew finally sat up and turned to the vampire, he looked at Mick’s eyes studying them for a moment, before announcing “I like the white ones better.”
Mick closed his eyes and drew in a breath.
“Matthew, do you trust me?”
“What is “trust”?”
Trust? The irony was not lost on Mick, that he, of all people, should be explaining the concept of trust to anyone. He and trust had been strangers for more years than he cared to count. Trust was certainly not his forte. Still, he had no choice but to try. He sat down next to the boy, legs outstretched.
“Trust is when you believe -,” he began thoughtfully, “when you know that someone won’t hurt you.”
“Won’t hurt you.” Matthew repeated. He then turned his attention back to his hands, which he shook alternately on either side of his face, as he made short humming sounds. Mick sensed that the boy was still listening, and so he decided to continue.
“It’s important – really important that you don’t tell anyone you think I’m a vampire. All right, Buddy?”
“Why?” The boy stopped his movements.
“Because,” Mick explained, “It wouldn’t be good for people to know.”
“Why?”
“It’s complicated – they wouldn’t understand.” Mick offered, “It can be our secret.”
“It’s not good to keep secrets. Mommy said it. No secrets – ‘specially with strangers.” Matthew began to rock back and forth.
The PI had to admit that this was an important rule, a sadly necessary caution against the human predators all too common in today’s world. It was exactly what any mother should tell her child. How could he ask this boy to make an exception and disregard such a critical lesson? How could he undermine the child’s relationship with his mother – the one person who was clearly his lifeline to the “normal” world? Mick couldn’t ask the little boy to hide the truth and he wouldn’t ask him to lie. With his secret in the balance, it seemed no matter what approach Mick tried, he was bound to pit his own self-interest against the child’s. They were at an impasse. What it finally came down to was that he could ask Matthew for no assurances and the boy could give him none.
They sat silently side by side for several minutes – an odd pair. Neither one truly at ease in the world around them, yet neither willing to be shut out. Finally, the child turned to the PI and climbed onto his legs. Looking directly into Mick’s eyes, the little boy tilted his head from one side to the other, regarding him curiously.
“Do it again.”
Mick tensed. Even though he suspected he knew the answer, he felt compelled to ask, “Do what again?”
Matthew leaned close and whispered, “Be - a vampire.”
With that single uttered breath, an unfamiliar warmth washed over Mick. He was completely taken aback by the simplicity, the purity of the request. It was that honesty and naiveté that somehow compelled him to act against his better judgment - to ignore every self-protective instinct, every carefully measured ounce of self-control he had struggled to maintain. Such thick walls of reserve had taken years to build, and in just minutes - in the company of a child with no regard for social mores or personal space – they crumbled. As wide-eyed innocence looked on, he closed his eyes and lowered his head – and set the vampire free.
Matthew stared in wonder as the silver-blue eyes slowly opened, looking back at him with a vulnerability that he was incapable of understanding. Taking in every nuance of the change, he held the face of a monster without fear or condemnation. Mick sat motionless as the child gazed at him in wonder.
The vampire could not have been more still if there were a stake imbedded in his heart. He feared that any unintended gesture or wrong movement might scare the little boy and end the moment. He needn’t have worried, though, because the child had no sense of any danger from his new friend. Matthew smiled a truly joyful smile. And, from a place deep within his soul, the vampire smiled back - fangs and all.
“Ahhhhh,” the little boy sighed, like small motor winding down to a stop. “You – crack – me - up.”
He threw his arms around the vampire’s chest and hugged him with his whole being. And, when he was done, he stayed there, perfectly content, with his head resting on the lapel of Mick’s coat. It was as though he had found the most comfortable place in the world - a safe place where he was no longer bombarded with confusing signals that he had to navigate or arbitrary expectations that he was required to meet. He found a place where he could just – be.
It was the difference between being accepted in spite of what you are and being totally embraced because of what you are. Although that distinction might be lost on some, the feeling was anything but subtle to Mick St. John. After all, there was a small child snuggled on his lap – on the vampire’s lap.
Mick’s head dropped down until his chin came to a rest on top of Matthew’s fine brown hair. For the first time – ever –he was totally at peace within that pale, translucent skin. In those few heartbeats, he had no desire to be anything other than what he was at that instant. Fully aware of the fleeting nature of the moment, he savored it and let the warmth of that small, gentle acceptance fill him. It nourished his weary soul in a way he no longer thought possible. He knew too well that the somber realities of his unnatural existence would flood back with the light of the next sunrise, but, whatever the repercussions; tonight there would be no regrets.
It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes, but that small part of an hour soothed the wounds of the previous half of a century. For his part, Mick understood that it couldn’t last. He pulled the vampire inward as he allowed his cheek to rest on the boy’s head one last time. “Well,” he told himself, “it’s time to face the music.” There was an undeniable sadness in that thought, but the music this time had nothing to do with the blues.
Mick patted Matthew on the back and said resolutely, “C’mon buddy – it’s time to take you back to your mom.” They stood up together, looking each other over for a minute. Mick held out his hand, but the boy refused to take it. He did, however, walk closely beside the PI as they headed back toward the main street. Passing the dumpster, Mick stooped down to retrieve the slightly scratched Nintendo DS and offered it to Matthew.
“Thank – you.”
Mick smiled and turned to continue on, but Matthew didn’t move. Much to Mick’s dismay, the child was frowning at him again. “What’s the matter now?” Mick was forced to ask.
“You’re sup –posed to say ‘You’re welcome’.” the glaring boy reprimanded.
Mick raised his eyebrows. “You’re welcome.”
“O – K.”
As they emerged from the out of the shadows into the light of the city street, a small hand found its way up to the PI’s sleeve and held on.
-----
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