Twists of Fate Chapter 17 (PG-13)
Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 2:27 pm
The usual disclaimers still apply. The fabulous redwinter101 still is my beta. Thank you, girl!
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link from chapter 16
viewtopic.php?f=75&t=2945
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Josh’s 'phone buzzed with another text message. „I’m home. Where are you? Beth.“
He sighed and answered: „I’m on my way.“
Driving the familiar route to Beth’s apartment he thought that it could well be the last time he visited her place. He wasn’t sure how he felt. He held little hope that their relationship could stand this test, but he was reluctant to give it up. He felt the warm glow of nostalgia, reflecting on the good times, the way it was after they met, their first dates, the excitement of getting to know each other. He thought about how it had begun to feel more like routine, with set dates for movie night and sleepovers. Maybe that’s what went wrong. He had stifled Beth, treating her like a wife, keeping her on a schedule. She wasn’t one for boring routine, she craved adventure. Maybe she hadn’t been the right one for him from the get-go. But then again, he liked adventure and excitement too. He had seen that when he went out with Morgan.
Josh parked his car at his regular spot in front of Beth’s door. It was a miracle that this place was almost always free when he needed it. Her light was still on.
He knocked and she opened immediately. It was late, past midnight, but she was still in her jeans and blouse, with make-up and her hair in a comfortable ponytail. He couldn’t quite make sense of her facial expression, she seemed apprehensive and almost guilty. Perhaps she just mirrored his own face.
„So, did you get your story?“ he asked.
„Yeah. The killer got away, but the escort he kidnapped is safe. We reunited her with her parents at Buzzwire.“ She absentmindedly fluffed the couch cushions and cleaned the clutter from the coffee table.
„We?“ he inquired, glad to find an opening.
„Yes.“ She faced him and crossed her arms. „Mick helped to track the killer down. Do you have a problem with that?“
He rubbed his neck, embarrassed. „Actually, I appreciate that he kept you safe. I guess you would have gone after the killer alone otherwise.“
She was surprised. „You weren’t so understanding when I left for the morgue yesterday.“
He sat on one arm of the couch. „Listen. I know I overreacted. I just felt so embarrassed that you would leave our dinner for work. It didn’t really have to do with Mick. But then again, I saw how you looked at each other.“
„Oh, for God’s sake, Josh“, she cried out, but she looked guilty.
„Look me in the eyes, Beth. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t have feelings for him. Look me in the eyes and tell me that.“
She fell silent, meeting his gaze, then looking away.
„You’re right. I’m sorry, Josh. I didn’t mean to, but there are feelings. Actually, I kissed him tonight.“
He gasped. She held up her hands. „It’s not as if he reciprocated. I think I took him by surprise. I was just so grateful for what he did – helping me with the story, risking his life. They had a fight, you know, and he was still disheveled and grimy from it. I just wanted to say thank you.“
He closed his eyes for a second. Here it was. The moment of truth.
„Beth, I need to tell you something. We have been drifting apart for some time now, and I’m not sure about my feelings either.“
She looked up, trembling.
He continued: „I have been with Morgan Vincent today. You know her, the photographer from Buzzwire. She asked me for help last week, to accompany her to an assignment.“
„You didn’t think about telling me?“ she accused him.
„You don’t tell me where you are, either.“
She nodded. „Go on.“
„When you ran off last night I called her and asked her to meet me. I needed something to take my mind off our fight. We took a walk to MacArthur park and she photographed the place. Today she called me to look through the photos. And – it just happened. I - …“
„You slept with her?“ she cried out and stood up. Tears welled in her eyes, and she was trembling. „You have the guts to scold me for developing feelings for someone else, when you go and bang the first woman who asks you a favor – and then you come back to me and are all jealous about Mick?“ Her tone was shrill now, and she looked as if she was about to throw something.
He looked down. „You have this all wrong. I was jealous of Mick before I met Morgan. The one thing has nothing to do with the other –.“
That was the wrong thing to say, and it was a lie. He knew it. She was seething now.
„This has everything to do with the other. This is about us. You said we drifted apart, and you’re right. And then I met someone who appreciates me, and who doesn’t patronize me, who actually helps me with my stories instead of telling me off. It’s not that I WANTED to fall for Mick. It just happened, and I haven’t done anything to advance this further. It’s just a crush, and I didn’t act on it. I am still true to you. But you - “ She had to stop and take some steadying breaths. „You go and sleep with a woman you hardly know just because I bruised your ego in front of your friends.“ She stilled and asked in a small voice: „Or do you love her?“
Defeated, he met her gaze. „No. Not yet, anyway. You’re right, Beth. It was wrong. But I still feel for you, and if it’s possible I want to save our relationship. What we had was good.“
Her anger dissolved into tears. She fell back into the armchair and began to weep into her hands. He couldn’t stand it. He went over, knelt down and laid his hands on her knees.
„Beth. Beth, please. I don’t know – where do we go from here? Is this the end? You know, when I drove here, I had to stop once because I couldn’t breathe anymore. This is very hard on me. Don’t think that I’m not suffering too. I care for you. I still do.“
She scoffed. „You smell like her. How can you do something like that and then regret it the next moment? How can men be so careless about sex? Didn’t it mean anything to you what we had, what we were? Did it mean nothing that you slept with her either? Maybe it wasn’t important to you when you slept with me, too?“
That wounded him. He stood up. „I’ve always been good to you. Don’t deny that. I’ve loved and cherished you from the moment we met. And I still love you. What happened with Morgan doesn’t mean anything. You’re right, I was hurt. It was some sort of comfort for me to be appreciated by her. You were avoiding me all day, sending text messages instead of coming home and explaining to me why you left the dinner. So what did you expect? That I would wait for you and just overlook what you did?“
„Don’t make this about me now.“ she shouted. „I told you that it was work. You know I have to take any opportunity I can get for information on hot stories. You understand my work, you know that I don’t get the headlines because I stay at home and do a nine to five job. It was bad luck that the serial killer chose our anniversary to kill again. What more did you want to hear? An apology? For what? Marisa told me you weren’t even mad.“
„You talked with Marisa about it but not with me? I can’t believe it!“
„It wasn’t a big deal. She came to me and tried to convince me that you and I were fated and should take the next step. You know how nosy she is.“
Talking about Marisa had a calming effect on them both. This was common ground, charted territory. He knew that Beth would never tell Marisa straight away what she thought of her, but he also knew that she didn’t like her much. They happened to work together and shared a lot without being real friends.
There was a minute of silence, both lost in their own confusion and anguish. Beth spoke first.
„You know, I would have never thought it would end like this. Once when we had that row about work, I thought that maybe I should look at my decisions and ask myself what’s important, and when I decided I just couldn’t give up investigative reporting even for your sake, I feared that might bring us apart. But I would never have thought that it could all go down because you betrayed me. I thought better of you.“
She sounded so bitter. He couldn’t stand the thought that she was dissappointed in him.
„You know, it didn’t start there. It started with you being totally enamored with Mick. That’s when it went wrong.“
„That’s. Not. True“, she spat. „It didn’t have to be that way. It’s a silly crush, and if you hadn’t acted all jealous it would have led to nothing. You drove me away. You didn’t trust me. And I trusted you. We were both wrong.“
He was defeated. They were going in circles, and there was nothing more to say. They could only hurt each other more. He looked at her, her face blotched from crying, her breathing ragged, her hair disheveled. He guessed that he didn’t look any better, though he tried hard not to cry.
„Beth“, he choked out. „I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry. Maybe we should just end this. If you don’t want me any more I can understand.“ He took a step forward, wanting to comfort her somehow but knowing he couldn’t.
She opened up to him and hugged him close. In between sobs she said: „I’m sorry, Josh. I don’t know. You’re – you were so right for me – and yet I can’t see a future now. All of this scares me.“
He returned the hug, pressing his face into her shoulder and smelling her hair. He would miss her. Considering their work they were bound to meet once in a while. Maybe it would be possible to stay friends, or become friends again. They never had been friends before they became lovers, maybe that’s what made her go for Mick. She and Mick shared a lot. It stung that he felt left out on that. It would definitely sting some more now.
He sighed and pushed away. „I’m going home. Call me if you think we should talk some more, but for now I don’t think we’re getting anywhere.“
„You’re right. I need to sleep. I’ll call you when I have myself sorted out, okay?“
„Okay.“
He took his jacket and turned. He hesitated. He expected her to say something, a last word, a gesture to keep the door open. But she just stood there. Taking a last look at her he opened the door and left. It felt like forever.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
link to chapter 18:
viewtopic.php?f=75&t=3278
xxxxxxxxxx
link from chapter 16
viewtopic.php?f=75&t=2945
xxxxxxxxxxx
Josh’s 'phone buzzed with another text message. „I’m home. Where are you? Beth.“
He sighed and answered: „I’m on my way.“
Driving the familiar route to Beth’s apartment he thought that it could well be the last time he visited her place. He wasn’t sure how he felt. He held little hope that their relationship could stand this test, but he was reluctant to give it up. He felt the warm glow of nostalgia, reflecting on the good times, the way it was after they met, their first dates, the excitement of getting to know each other. He thought about how it had begun to feel more like routine, with set dates for movie night and sleepovers. Maybe that’s what went wrong. He had stifled Beth, treating her like a wife, keeping her on a schedule. She wasn’t one for boring routine, she craved adventure. Maybe she hadn’t been the right one for him from the get-go. But then again, he liked adventure and excitement too. He had seen that when he went out with Morgan.
Josh parked his car at his regular spot in front of Beth’s door. It was a miracle that this place was almost always free when he needed it. Her light was still on.
He knocked and she opened immediately. It was late, past midnight, but she was still in her jeans and blouse, with make-up and her hair in a comfortable ponytail. He couldn’t quite make sense of her facial expression, she seemed apprehensive and almost guilty. Perhaps she just mirrored his own face.
„So, did you get your story?“ he asked.
„Yeah. The killer got away, but the escort he kidnapped is safe. We reunited her with her parents at Buzzwire.“ She absentmindedly fluffed the couch cushions and cleaned the clutter from the coffee table.
„We?“ he inquired, glad to find an opening.
„Yes.“ She faced him and crossed her arms. „Mick helped to track the killer down. Do you have a problem with that?“
He rubbed his neck, embarrassed. „Actually, I appreciate that he kept you safe. I guess you would have gone after the killer alone otherwise.“
She was surprised. „You weren’t so understanding when I left for the morgue yesterday.“
He sat on one arm of the couch. „Listen. I know I overreacted. I just felt so embarrassed that you would leave our dinner for work. It didn’t really have to do with Mick. But then again, I saw how you looked at each other.“
„Oh, for God’s sake, Josh“, she cried out, but she looked guilty.
„Look me in the eyes, Beth. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t have feelings for him. Look me in the eyes and tell me that.“
She fell silent, meeting his gaze, then looking away.
„You’re right. I’m sorry, Josh. I didn’t mean to, but there are feelings. Actually, I kissed him tonight.“
He gasped. She held up her hands. „It’s not as if he reciprocated. I think I took him by surprise. I was just so grateful for what he did – helping me with the story, risking his life. They had a fight, you know, and he was still disheveled and grimy from it. I just wanted to say thank you.“
He closed his eyes for a second. Here it was. The moment of truth.
„Beth, I need to tell you something. We have been drifting apart for some time now, and I’m not sure about my feelings either.“
She looked up, trembling.
He continued: „I have been with Morgan Vincent today. You know her, the photographer from Buzzwire. She asked me for help last week, to accompany her to an assignment.“
„You didn’t think about telling me?“ she accused him.
„You don’t tell me where you are, either.“
She nodded. „Go on.“
„When you ran off last night I called her and asked her to meet me. I needed something to take my mind off our fight. We took a walk to MacArthur park and she photographed the place. Today she called me to look through the photos. And – it just happened. I - …“
„You slept with her?“ she cried out and stood up. Tears welled in her eyes, and she was trembling. „You have the guts to scold me for developing feelings for someone else, when you go and bang the first woman who asks you a favor – and then you come back to me and are all jealous about Mick?“ Her tone was shrill now, and she looked as if she was about to throw something.
He looked down. „You have this all wrong. I was jealous of Mick before I met Morgan. The one thing has nothing to do with the other –.“
That was the wrong thing to say, and it was a lie. He knew it. She was seething now.
„This has everything to do with the other. This is about us. You said we drifted apart, and you’re right. And then I met someone who appreciates me, and who doesn’t patronize me, who actually helps me with my stories instead of telling me off. It’s not that I WANTED to fall for Mick. It just happened, and I haven’t done anything to advance this further. It’s just a crush, and I didn’t act on it. I am still true to you. But you - “ She had to stop and take some steadying breaths. „You go and sleep with a woman you hardly know just because I bruised your ego in front of your friends.“ She stilled and asked in a small voice: „Or do you love her?“
Defeated, he met her gaze. „No. Not yet, anyway. You’re right, Beth. It was wrong. But I still feel for you, and if it’s possible I want to save our relationship. What we had was good.“
Her anger dissolved into tears. She fell back into the armchair and began to weep into her hands. He couldn’t stand it. He went over, knelt down and laid his hands on her knees.
„Beth. Beth, please. I don’t know – where do we go from here? Is this the end? You know, when I drove here, I had to stop once because I couldn’t breathe anymore. This is very hard on me. Don’t think that I’m not suffering too. I care for you. I still do.“
She scoffed. „You smell like her. How can you do something like that and then regret it the next moment? How can men be so careless about sex? Didn’t it mean anything to you what we had, what we were? Did it mean nothing that you slept with her either? Maybe it wasn’t important to you when you slept with me, too?“
That wounded him. He stood up. „I’ve always been good to you. Don’t deny that. I’ve loved and cherished you from the moment we met. And I still love you. What happened with Morgan doesn’t mean anything. You’re right, I was hurt. It was some sort of comfort for me to be appreciated by her. You were avoiding me all day, sending text messages instead of coming home and explaining to me why you left the dinner. So what did you expect? That I would wait for you and just overlook what you did?“
„Don’t make this about me now.“ she shouted. „I told you that it was work. You know I have to take any opportunity I can get for information on hot stories. You understand my work, you know that I don’t get the headlines because I stay at home and do a nine to five job. It was bad luck that the serial killer chose our anniversary to kill again. What more did you want to hear? An apology? For what? Marisa told me you weren’t even mad.“
„You talked with Marisa about it but not with me? I can’t believe it!“
„It wasn’t a big deal. She came to me and tried to convince me that you and I were fated and should take the next step. You know how nosy she is.“
Talking about Marisa had a calming effect on them both. This was common ground, charted territory. He knew that Beth would never tell Marisa straight away what she thought of her, but he also knew that she didn’t like her much. They happened to work together and shared a lot without being real friends.
There was a minute of silence, both lost in their own confusion and anguish. Beth spoke first.
„You know, I would have never thought it would end like this. Once when we had that row about work, I thought that maybe I should look at my decisions and ask myself what’s important, and when I decided I just couldn’t give up investigative reporting even for your sake, I feared that might bring us apart. But I would never have thought that it could all go down because you betrayed me. I thought better of you.“
She sounded so bitter. He couldn’t stand the thought that she was dissappointed in him.
„You know, it didn’t start there. It started with you being totally enamored with Mick. That’s when it went wrong.“
„That’s. Not. True“, she spat. „It didn’t have to be that way. It’s a silly crush, and if you hadn’t acted all jealous it would have led to nothing. You drove me away. You didn’t trust me. And I trusted you. We were both wrong.“
He was defeated. They were going in circles, and there was nothing more to say. They could only hurt each other more. He looked at her, her face blotched from crying, her breathing ragged, her hair disheveled. He guessed that he didn’t look any better, though he tried hard not to cry.
„Beth“, he choked out. „I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry. Maybe we should just end this. If you don’t want me any more I can understand.“ He took a step forward, wanting to comfort her somehow but knowing he couldn’t.
She opened up to him and hugged him close. In between sobs she said: „I’m sorry, Josh. I don’t know. You’re – you were so right for me – and yet I can’t see a future now. All of this scares me.“
He returned the hug, pressing his face into her shoulder and smelling her hair. He would miss her. Considering their work they were bound to meet once in a while. Maybe it would be possible to stay friends, or become friends again. They never had been friends before they became lovers, maybe that’s what made her go for Mick. She and Mick shared a lot. It stung that he felt left out on that. It would definitely sting some more now.
He sighed and pushed away. „I’m going home. Call me if you think we should talk some more, but for now I don’t think we’re getting anywhere.“
„You’re right. I need to sleep. I’ll call you when I have myself sorted out, okay?“
„Okay.“
He took his jacket and turned. He hesitated. He expected her to say something, a last word, a gesture to keep the door open. But she just stood there. Taking a last look at her he opened the door and left. It felt like forever.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
link to chapter 18:
viewtopic.php?f=75&t=3278