The Moon and the Stars (One-shot) New 1/31/09 PG

[darkstarrising]

Hi,

This is a one shot filling in the gaps on the day of Josh's funeral from Mick's POV. This one shot complements another 'The Sun and the Moon' which provides Beth's POV as she prepares for the funeral.

Anyway, I don't own any of the characters, but I certainly do like to play with them.

Any quotations taken from an episode are made with the deepest respect for the writer who authored them.

A/N A phrase is used in this story 'carpe diem', which is Latin for 'seize the day'

A/N 2 - This is for wpgrace, who is in need of something to comment on. For the rest of you, please enjoy!

Rated PG

The Moon and the Stars

Man, do I hurt. Every muscle screams at me, every joint is stiff. I can barely move without some part of me complaining. Right now, I feel every minute of my age. And it’s no wonder. You get your ass kicked that badly, you’re gonna pay.

A look in the mirror confirms my fears. Yeah, those cuts are pretty deep. That one over the eye maybe shoulda got some stitches. It’s gonna be a while before these bad boys disappear. If they disappear. I bet other parts of my body resemble some tattoos gone bad. I’ll find out soon enough.

Of all the days to look like a human train wreck, it had to be today. But at least I’m human and part of being human means pain and suffering. I know for the next few days, I’ll have my share of pain. For others, though, death has relieved them of their pain.

They’re going to bury Josh Lindsey today. I don’t know if Beth wants me to come to the funeral or not. We never got to talk about it. Part of me thinks I’d be an unwelcome reminder of what we feel for each other. Today of all days is not the time to acknowledge that. Today is for Josh. I know she loved him and he worshiped her. That’s the one thing he and I had in common. I don’t want to intrude, but still, I’d like to pay my respects to a man who died for his convictions and maybe even for her.

I liked Josh. I don’t know that he would have said the same about me. Not that I gave him any reason to. At first, he probably thought I was just a bad influence on Beth. Encouraging her to follow dangerous stories better left alone. Stories that inevitably drew her closer to me. Later, he saw me for what I was; a rival for her affections. I didn’t mean to come between them, but in the end, I couldn’t deny my own feelings for her. Feelings he couldn’t possibly have understood.

Josh thought that Beth was his. But he was wrong. The two of them could never have made it work and not just because I came on the scene. Beth is too independent, too spontaneous, too fearless for a man like Josh. She has a wild, inquisitive, impulsive streak that no one will ever tame. Not even me. Not that I’d want to.

Breakfast. Gotta eat something, but man, does my jaw hurt. Too many blows and kicks to the head will do that. At least get some coffee down. I’m gonna need it to get going. And I’d better get going if I’m to make the funeral.

One thing I’m not proud of was hurting Josh. I didn’t mean to, but I did. You don’t have to be a vamp to know when someone’s heart is breaking. I could see it in his eyes the night Beth and I went to New York. He knew she was slipping away from him. And to what? To some scruffy PI with a shady past and uncertain future? He couldn’t understand how she could give up the love and security he offered for the likes of me. Neither could I. But I wasn’t going to fight it. Not anymore.

What would have happened if Beth had stayed in New York with me for another day or two? I’ll never know. Maybe I would have gotten up the courage to tell her how I felt. Maybe we could have figured out where the two of us were going, if we could make it work between us. I don’t know. But I wonder, if we had stayed, would Josh still be alive? Maybe. Maybe not. Even if Beth had broken it off with him, he would have stood up for his convictions. And standing up for his convictions is what ultimately got him killed.

The coffee is beginning to kick in, but I’m not ready to climb the stairs just yet. I keep thinking back to Josh and the good he was trying to do and all that comes to mind is David and Goliath. I’ve lived a long time, mostly as a vamp, and I know evil when I see it. Tejada was the closest thing to the devil I’d seen in a long time. He instilled fear before he killed. He played with his victims. He tortured them. Tejada was the ultimate terrorist and Josh was a good and decent man who chose the wrong moment in his life to take a stand. Unlike David, Josh never had a chance. Not against the likes of Tejada. Maybe if Josh had backed off, he’d be alive today. But could he have lived with himself? I doubt it.

Maybe I couldn’t save you, Josh, but I did try. Maybe I couldn’t stop Death from claiming you, but I helped Death find another that night. For you, Josh, I sent Tejada back to the devil who spawned him. The last thing that monster saw before he went to hell was my face, covered in his blood. For the first and last time in his life, Tejada felt the terror he inflicted on so many others. I made sure of that.

Beth. I knew she’d be angry with me when I refused to turn Josh. I knew she didn’t understand what she was asking for. She was just desperate to keep a man she cared for alive. She didn’t realize she’d be condemning him to eternal death.

I knew that she’d need time to grieve, to work through her anger. But I didn’t realize just how much I missed her until she cut herself off from me. When I saw her at the police station, I could see and feel just how raw her pain still was, and I knew she wasn’t ready for me to return to her life. She blamed me for his death. Her words and her eyes said so. I knew it was pain and anger that caused her to feel that way, but it hurt, just the same.

When she came over last night, the first thing she told me was that she didn’t blame me anymore. That felt incredibly good. But when she told me about Josh’s plan to propose, I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. I almost lost her to Josh. Forever. I never knew it would hurt so bad. For a brief moment, I was glad he was dead. Then I felt ashamed. But when she said she wasn’t sure she could have married him, my gut unclenched. Maybe there was hope after all.

Just as I was getting up the nerve to ask why, there’s a knock on my door. Damn, but doesn’t my ex-wife know how to spoil the moment. Beth disappears, looking like someone had just kicked her in the gut and Coraline stays. If she hadn’t, though, I never would have been given the cure and I never would have been human again.

OK , St. John, time to leave the past behind and focus on the present. If I can manage to get up the stairs, I’ll shower and make myself as presentable as possible. That could take some doing. Then I’ll have to get down the stairs again and out to the car. That could take all morning.

As I peel off my clothes, I assess the damage. O yeah….black and blue all over with a few other colors tossed in as well. The shower should help some of the stiffness, but it won’t do much for the bruises. I’m lucky to have walked, no, crawled away from that beating. They could have killed me. Easily. But they didn’t. Coraline made a deal with them to spare my life. She gave herself up to them, just to save me. Not too much different from what Josh did for Beth.

Finally, I’m ready. Just getting dressed was a challenge that took more time than normal. I’ve missed the funeral, but that’s probably just as well. The less Beth sees of me today, the better. Being in a room full of people with her now might just be unbearable. For both of us.

By the time I get to the cemetery, the hearse has just arrived and the mourners are making their way to the grave site. Too bad I’m not a vamp anymore. It would be so much easier to hide in the shadows and disappear quickly should my presence be unwelcome. I’ve parked a little ways away, thinking I can stay on the fringe of the crowd and not distract Beth. This has got to be hard on her. For once, I can’t help her. Saying good bye to Josh is something she has to do on her own.

OK. So maybe parking so far away wasn’t such a good idea. Walking from the car to the grave site seems to take forever and every step hurts. But I’ll be able to see Beth again and that makes the pain bearable.

She sees me. We meet and exchange a few words before the service begins. She’s doing better than I thought and I try to tell her what’s happened, why I look like hell. Then the words I think she needs to hear.

Coraline’s gone. It wasn’t meant to be. Never was.

Then I see the ring on her finger, and I wonder what it means. Another barrier between us? Even in death? Then she calms my fears:

I kinda know how that feels.

It’s time. We separate and take our places on opposite sides of the casket of a good and decent man who shouldn’t have died. As the minister speaks, I try to concentrate on Josh, but I can’t stop glancing at Beth. She’s having the same problem. As her eyes capture mine, we both take to heart the minister’s words:

‘We're gathered here to celebrate the life of Josh Lindsey, whose journey has come to an end. While the event that brought us all here together is nothing less than tragic, part of what makes life so invigorating is its finite nature. We're all mortal. Our time is limited. It's part of what allows us to love and hurt. And in the end it inspires us to make the most of the time we are given.’

I know my time as a mortal is limited. I know about pain. But I also know about love. Two people gave up their lives out of love for others. Maybe life isn’t just about pain and suffering, but about love and happiness as well. Maybe there’s more to life than just anticipating death. Maybe it’s time for me to find out.

Carpe diem.

[wpgrace]

Ahhhwwwww!!! Thanks for posting this to me!!!

First of all I love the title and how it fits Mick so... and fits in with the companion Beth piece!

I love these little glimpses into the characters' minds... filling in blanks, allowing us to hear their voices more.

And I love the whole last paragraph.. he knows about pain but he knows about love, acknowledges that for he and Beth to be together, two others have loved and lost... and it is time for him to find out what more there is to life!!!!

This sets up FtP very well!

[darkstarrising]

Ahhhwwwww!!! Thanks for posting this to me!!!

First of all I love the title and how it fits Mick so... and fits in with the companion Beth piece!

I love these little glimpses into the characters' minds... filling in blanks, allowing us to hear their voices more.

And I love the whole last paragraph.. he knows about pain but he knows about love, acknowledges that for he and Beth to be together, two others have loved and lost... and it is time for him to find out what more there is to life!!!!

This sets up FtP very well!

wpgrace,

You're very welcome!! Until I read your comment about verbose writers (and readers) yesterday, I hadn't thought about a companion piece. So, in a very real way, you're responsible for this.

[coco]

dsr this is the perfect companion to Beth's POV.
Fantastic

[mitzie]

This is a wonderful companion to Beth's POV! I love Mick's study of his feelings. Loved it!! Excellent!!!! *scream* *scream* *scream* *thud* *thud*

mitzie

[darkstarrising]

dsr this is the perfect companion to Beth's POV.
Fantastic

coco,

thanks....just as they are perfect companions to each other.

[darkstarrising]

This is a wonderful companion to Beth's POV! I love Mick's study of his feelings. Loved it!! Excellent!!!! *scream* *scream* *scream* *thud* *thud*

mitzie

mitzie,

thanks so much...Mick was grieving as Beth was, but he did mourn the senseless death of someone he respected.

[GuardianAngel]

I don't know if you can feel it, but I'm hugging you, dsr. This is a wonderful companion piece to The Sun and Moon.

Mick is always blaming himself for everything - his guilt working overtime. It's nice to see into his head at this time. How could he not be conflicted? Sad that a good man is gone in such a violent fashion. Yet it presents him with an opportunity that he has longed for. Well, if Beth can get over her grief.

I love how you stress Mick's humanness; the pain, the limitations.

Carpe diem. Yes.

[skbnjgirl]

I know my time as a mortal is limited. I know about pain. But I also know about love. Two people gave up their lives out of love for others. Maybe life isn’t just about pain and suffering, but about love and happiness as well. Maybe there’s more to life than just anticipating death. Maybe it’s time for me to find out.

Carpe diem.

Perfect, DSR. Just perfect! Wonderful view from Mick's perspective.

Tessa

[darkstarrising]

I don't know if you can feel it, but I'm hugging you, dsr. This is a wonderful companion piece to The Sun and Moon.

Mick is always blaming himself for everything - his guilt working overtime. It's nice to see into his head at this time. How could he not be conflicted? Sad that a good man is gone in such a violent fashion. Yet it presents him with an opportunity that he has longed for. Well, if Beth can get over her grief.

I love how you stress Mick's humanness; the pain, the limitations.

Carpe diem. Yes.

GA,

I feel and appreciate the hugs and send some back to you. I love getting inside Mick's head. You're right. He's conflicted. He really wouldn't wish death on Josh, but he's not going to let an opportunity go by. Especially if it involves Beth. From Beth's POV, all of her pain was emotional - she had lost someone she loved and was afraid she had pushed the man she was in love with away. Mick's pain is physical - he's black and blue, but it can't compete with the pain of losing Beth. In both their cases, their own pain and the minister's words cause them to focus on each other and to take advantage of what the two of them have together for the time that they have.

[darkstarrising]

I know my time as a mortal is limited. I know about pain. But I also know about love. Two people gave up their lives out of love for others. Maybe life isn’t just about pain and suffering, but about love and happiness as well. Maybe there’s more to life than just anticipating death. Maybe it’s time for me to find out.

Carpe diem.

Perfect, DSR. Just perfect! Wonderful view from Mick's perspective.

Tessa

Tessa,

thanks...it's just too bad that Josh had to die for Mick and Beth to see what they could have together.

[GuardianAngel]

I know a lot of people made fun of Josh but I thought he was a great guy. He was dedicated, successful and a caring boyfriend. He wasn't too hard on the eyes either. No, he was no Mick but he WAS a good catch. A good human catch. At first I was pissed that they killed him off. It seemed so harsh. But after thinking about it I realized that he would have to be totally elliminated from the equation in order for Beth and Mick to proceed. Even if there weren't a Mick I don't think Josh and Beth would have made it. Beth was too ambitious, too compulsive for Josh. Beth craved more excitement than she could get from him. But as long as he was around, Mick would have used him as an excuse not to overcome his own fears and he would have been a comfort zone for Beth.

[lorig]

dsr, you know I love anything you write and this didn't disapoint. I love how Mick focused less on the guilt of challenging for Beth's affection and more on the respect he had for Josh as a person. This was incredible. Thank you.

[darkstarrising]

I know a lot of people made fun of Josh but I thought he was a great guy. He was dedicated, successful and a caring boyfriend. He wasn't too hard on the eyes either. No, he was no Mick but he WAS a good catch. A good human catch. At first I was pissed that they killed him off. It seemed so harsh. But after thinking about it I realized that he would have to be totally elliminated from the equation in order for Beth and Mick to proceed. Even if there weren't a Mick I don't think Josh and Beth would have made it. Beth was too ambitious, too compulsive for Josh. Beth craved more excitement than she could get from him. But as long as he was around, Mick would have used him as an excuse not to overcome his own fears and he would have been a comfort zone for Beth.

GA,

ITA....Josh is a nice, cute guy who's got his nice, secure life all planned out. The only other way they could have kept Josh around was to have him become adversarial. If Beth had made a decision to break it off with Josh and start a serious relationship with Mick, Josh would have been hurt. And hurt people can do some pretty stupid things. Josh may have tried to dig up dirt on Mick and God only knows where that would have gotten him. It would have been interesting though to see Josh as a more aggressive, not-so-nice kinda guy.

[darkstarrising]

dsr, you know I love anything you write and this didn't disapoint. I love how Mick focused less on the guilt of challenging for Beth's affection and more on the respect he had for Josh as a person. This was incredible. Thank you.

lorig,

thank you, dear *hugs* Josh may have been a rival, but he was a good man, one that Mick respected and tried very hard to save.