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Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:42 am
by LadyAilith
Another wonderful Lucky story! Thank you so much!! I adore her stories...she seems fragile sometimes; other times she's velvet covered steel.

:hug:

LadyAilith

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 2:02 am
by Lilly
LadyAilith wrote:... other times she's velvet covered steel.
What a wonderful description! :yes:

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 2:09 am
by mitzie
This is so wonderful! So very realistic. You laid it all out so beautifully and thoughtfully!! It is such an in-depth look at all of their relationships and the flaws and misunderstandings that are a part of these relationships. I love all the detail you always put into your stories! I felt like I was right there, a part of the whole sequence of events that took place. Now if Beth would just learn to shut her mouth we would be all set!!! :whistle: I love, love, love this story!!!! :yahoo: :yahoo: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :biggrin: :whistle: :gasp: :eek2: :getclue: :bash: :jester: :chin: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :thud: :thud: :thud: :thud: :hyper2: :hyper2: :hyper2: :hyper2: :notworthy: :worship: :rainbow: :flowers:


mitzie :mooncat:

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:07 am
by MickLifeCrisis
You know that every so often I wander into the Lucky freshie stories, and I am so glad I found this one! Very enjoyable, and very easy to picture. It played like it's own movie in my mind.

Thanks! :thumbs: :flowers:

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:25 am
by eris
Lucky should've punched her. :biggrin:

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:42 am
by Luxe de Luxe
eris wrote:Lucky should've punched her. :biggrin:
Oi! No inciting violence here Miss Eris! :snicker:

Ouch! It hurt that Beth was so unkind in the beginning. I'm glad you had her realise her mistake and make up for it.

I was hoping for a bit of a cat fight here though Lucky. e.g.:
“Ms. Turner, I know you don’t like freshies, but I’ll tell you this. At least I feed my vampire.”
"I don't need to feed my vampire to keep him."

"Well perhaps if you did, he wouldn't look so unhappy."

"That's not unhappiness, it's post-coital fatigue."

:snicker: :snicker: :snicker: You wussed out! (Glad you did, otherwise it would have made it difficult for Beth to come back from the brink and befriend her.)

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:48 am
by Lilly
Luxe de Luxe wrote: I was hoping for a bit of a cat fight here though Lucky. e.g.:
“Ms. Turner, I know you don’t like freshies, but I’ll tell you this. At least I feed my vampire.”
"I don't need to feed my vampire to keep him."

"Well perhaps if you did, he wouldn't look so unhappy."

"That's not unhappiness, it's post-coital fatigue."
Lucky: "My vampire doesn't get fatigued."

Just sayin'. :whistle:

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:49 am
by Luxe de Luxe
Lilly wrote:
Luxe de Luxe wrote: I was hoping for a bit of a cat fight here though Lucky. e.g.:
“Ms. Turner, I know you don’t like freshies, but I’ll tell you this. At least I feed my vampire.”
"I don't need to feed my vampire to keep him."

"Well perhaps if you did, he wouldn't look so unhappy."

"That's not unhappiness, it's post-coital fatigue."
Lucky: "My vampire doesn't get fatigued."

Just sayin'. :whistle:
Beth: "That's because you're not doing it right."

:snicker: :snicker: :snicker:


ETA: *laughing* thank you so much, Lilly. I really wanted to see that scene. I know, I'm a bad person. :snicker: :snicker:

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:53 am
by librarian_7
I think I'll just sit back and let you ladies do the re-write...do carry on! :rolling:

Lucky

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:01 am
by darkstarrising
Lucky,

How I do love these stories.... :heart:

Lucky, so nervous about what Mick thinks of her, is blindsided by one who should be a friend. Jealousy is an ugly thing, and Beth certainly demonstrates that...I'll actually go with Eris on this one - Lucky should have punched her.

But what I really love is how you've created a woman that Josef can relax around, can be himself with, even though she worries what others think of her. She is in a word, human, yet despite it, or perhaps because of it, Josef loves her.

You've also created a wonderful 'comfortable intimacy' with each vamp-human couple. Josef wrapping himself around protectively around Lucky, telling her to relax, that he's got her. Mick with his head in Beth's lap, himself relaxed with their relationship.

Sigh....all's well with the world, except for the mosquitos!

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:45 am
by moonlight_vixen
First and foremost, I absolutely love the fact that Josef is slowly but surely coming out with his "relationship" with Lucky. It's good to see him in this state on occasion!

And then there's Beth. Oh, geez, Beth :slaphead: Could she have made dinner any more awkward??
The vampires were finding their own pleasures, in the taste of familiar flesh, the warmth of human contact. Josef, surrounding Lucky, placed himself between her and the rest of the world. Mick, supported by Beth, reached out to the world through her.
I absolutely loved this description. So perfect...

I laughed out loud at the movie-An American Werewolf In London. In a cemetery. Classic choice! :rolling:

These stories make my day, Lucky! You've got yourself another brilliant one! :thumbs:

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:26 pm
by librarian_7
I just wanted to thank everyone again, for all the lovely comments. I find it interesting so many of you singled out one particular description, as being what really struck you. I have to say, I wrote that, just as it came to me, and afterward, thought, hmm, that is a pretty good description of the differences between their relationships. So it's great that others came to the same conclusion.

And Allegrita, how much do I love you for noticing the napkin thing? Because, yes, that was very deliberate.

Thanks to everyone who reads, as well as those who comment. It makes the labor all worth it.

Lucky

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:45 pm
by Emma-lee
I loved this Lucky........

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 7:50 am
by Liana
Absolutely lovely story!!
Ouch, Beth! She still needs to learn so much about the vamp world, but the one who needs to teach her isn't really willing to do so... HIS mistake, first of all! Beth's impulsiveness comes from defensiveness, because of all 4 of them at the diner, she's the one still on the ouside looking in, more than Lucky, who deals with feeding vamps almost every day...
But the difference is still there - Lucky is a freshie, Beth never was! I bet she didn't even know vamps like to drink alcohol spiced with blood... like she found out Mick sleeps in a freezer only in epi 13!!
Josef is right, Mick has some teaching to do!
But I loved how Beth apologized to Lucky and maybe they could become friends, who knows...
The vampires were finding their own pleasures, in the taste of familiar flesh, the warmth of human contact. Josef, surrounding Lucky, placed himself between her and the rest of the world. Mick, supported by Beth, reached out to the world through her.
Loved this part very much!!
And this one made me :rolling:
“Damned bloodsuckers!” Beth exclaimed. “This is going to make such a welt.”

Lucky waved a hand in front of her to chase away the offending insects. “Mine too.”

“We’re going to get eaten alive,” Beth said, then looked more closely at Mick and Josef. “Hey. They aren’t even lighting on you two. This is so unfair, how come they aren't biting you guys?”

Josef smirked. “Professional courtesy?”

Re: The Double (PG-13)

Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:15 pm
by Phoenix
Brilliant, Lucky. :notworthy: