Wow--what a wonderful ending to a wonderful story. I want to say first that I
like the fact that this ending is actually more like a threshold. It's an ending that lets us readers imagine the things that will come next, and to me that's the best kind of ending. This one situation is resolved, and a whole new world of possibility has opened to Mick. And that world includes Beth and, maybe, Rosie. It's wonderful, and wonderfully done. You are really an excellent writer.
I was struck by the way you used heat and cold, light and dark to show the differences between Mick's feelings about being a monster, cut off from everyone by his instincts, and his dawning belief that he could be connected again, that he could begin to live. Such lovely parallels with things that were used on the show, too--such as the dawn conversation in 12:04AM. Back then, Mick couldn't believe in the light. In your story, he's beginning to be able to love being alive again. Not just human--the end of your story feels like a dawning of Mick's acceptance of himself as a
total being--a man who is a vampire. And I love Beth teasing him about wearing his humanity well, bringing us back to that lovely moment in B.C. It's just the kind of moment I can see between Mick and Beth, a little levity to lighten the mood after such a deeply emotional conversation.
Your comparison of vampirism to war worked so well, and and is unique--at least I've never seen anyone else use it. For someone like Mick, whose psychic war wounds were still so raw, it makes perfect sense. Especially in the early stages, when he was so much a victim of his urges, unable to resist them--and Coraline either couldn't or wouldn't help him figure out how to be a more compassionate predator, so to speak. I love the way you describe Josef, too. He has such a small role in this story, but his influence looms very large (as it did in the show). Nicely done!
Getting back to Mick's relationship with Coraline, I can see her being bewildered with his reaction to what he had become, and not understanding how to handle him other than to just tough it out and try not to let him figure out how to kill himself. I agree with you that Mick might very likely have been suicidal for quite a while after being turned--especially if he'd done what he did in your story. The image of him trying desperately to end his existence and only giving up because it made him do even more of what he was trying to avoid--I found it truly heartbreaking, so desperately sad. Poor Mick.
I also love the way you introduced the fleury cross. It always struck me as odd that Mick wore something so obviously French, and I hoped that the show would have a chance to explain where Mick's jewelry came from...but yours is a wonderfully simple explanation--and the simple, reasonable ones are always the best. And it's so very like Mick to wear that pendant all those years to remind himself both of his sister's love for him, and of his own horrible actions and basic monstrosity.
Last of all, I want to thank you for your vision of Beth--for her generosity of spirit, her empathy with Mick, her vitality, and her courage. This is the Beth I see, as well; and for all her faults and foibles, I believe this generosity is the essence of Beth. She pushes Mick just enough to make him take the steps he really wants to take--but is afraid to try. She is his courage. She's his light in the darkness, his warmth in the cold. They really do make a great team.
I apologize for such long-winded comments--but this story really affected me!
Edited to fix an awkward sentence.