Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

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SharonC
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Re: Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

Post by SharonC »

The Legion? OMG we don't need them getting a grip on things but Beth getting a grip on Mick's phone and calling this in, well why not. She needs to know how the whole vampire clean up works too. It might be dangerous but she knows all that after hearing it from Mick so many times. Legion are DANGEROUS though
jen
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Re: Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

Post by jen »

Francis

Really?

Thank you! I liked that one and it was first. Later, I changed it again when it wasn't clearly understood so there is something different there now that makes it more clear that it is Beth and the Cleaner.

Thanks for your comment!

Jenna

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jen
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Re: Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

Post by jen »

Luxe

You are not the only person to think that the ending was not clear. I have changed it a couple of times in an attempt to provide some more clarity. Beth and the Cleaner have essentially completed their conversation and are walking away from each other. Beth mutters something under her breath and the Cleaner, also walking away, is able to hear her with a vampire's enhanced hearing.

The Cleaner has just told Beth to keep her telephone number as she may need it again and that she had done well by calling the Cleaners. As Beth is walking away, she originally said '...beth that hurt...' and the Cleaner, still walking away, muttered, '...she has no idea...'

The current incarnation has Beth muttering '...vampires...' and the Cleaner '...I heard that!...stupid human...'

Thanks!

Jenna

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jen
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Re: Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

Post by jen »

SharonC

Totally agree. Legion is very dangerous, but as I see it, Beth has already chosen sides and she is going with Mick. She may have to fight a certain amount of anti human prejudice among the vamps, but she's tough and she's all in!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Jenna

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cassysj
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Re: Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

Post by cassysj »

I do like this. I understand completely why the Cleaners don't want to associate with humans after all they are trash that is cleaned up every day. If you get involved with them your job becomes more difficult. They are pleased though that Beth seems to have some common sense.
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Moonlighter
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Re: Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

Post by Moonlighter »

jen wrote:... but Mick told me never to remove a stake from a vampire I didn’t know.”
This kind of made me giggle -- like a parent telling their child not to take candy from strangers!

I'm glad you clarified the end. I wasn't quite sure who was saying those two lines and even thought maybe the staked vampire wasn't really dead and was saying he could hear Beth! But now I'm straight. I'm glad Beth had the Cleaner's number because she sure as hell gets herself in the middle of all kinds of vampire business and so would be in need of it.
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jen
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Re: Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

Post by jen »

Cassysj

I think the Cleaner, in spite of the attitude of vampire-superiority, has a grudging respect for the human who has the good sense to call them in the first place and the hutzpah to dish the guff right back to her!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Jenna

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cassysj
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Re: Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

Post by cassysj »

Humans and Cleaners working together. :flowers:
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jen
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Re: Cooperation - Challenge # 135 PG

Post by jen »

If the LAPD discovered that scene first...awkward and potentially very dangerous. The cleaners should be nice to Beth.

Just sayin'

Thank you for reading this old story.

Jenna

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