Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

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Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby francis » Mon May 03, 2010 4:56 pm

I'm late to the party but this story just didn't want to get in line.
I took a line that I wrote myself long ago and made it into a short something. Just a little glimpse.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bored to undeath at the Hawaii themed party at his pool, Mick suddenly caught eye of the sultry brunette lead singer of the band, crooning a song in her sparkling red skin tight dress, and he instantly knew he would have her.

He listened to her voice singing a female version of “The Nearness of You”. Her voice was deep and smoky, more so than Patti Page, and she infused it with her own style. She held a sparkler in her hand and was waving it and her hips in rhythm with the music; it made for a great visual with the song. She was wasted on providing background noise for an upscale party.

His friend Josef walked by, hands in his pockets, turned back towards Mick and raised an eyebrow. “You seem quite a goner about that singer.”

The host raised his glass of Brandy. “She’s a beauty to behold, you have to give her that, Josef. And if the way she’s singing is any indication, she must be an interesting character. Passionate. Lively. Unconventional. I wanna play with that.”

Josef shrugged. “It’s none of my business. Just make sure she doesn’t end up prattling about the secret.”

“No sweat. I just wanna have a taste. You coming for pool night next Sunday?”

“Wouldn’t miss it. By the way, I’ve decided. I’ll relocate to New York on New Year.”

“Start a fresh year in a new location, how fitting. You sure about doing this?”

“I’ve been here too long already. I’m looking younger than you, can’t stay more than a decade or so. I’ll be back.”

“Good. Cause you make for a great poker buddy.”

Mick sat his glass down on the side table, stood in a fluid motion and stretched his back. “I’m gonna have a talk with the lady.” He winked.

Josef gave him a crooked grin and made his way to the bar.

Bypassing the pool in the middle of his garden Mick strutted to the patio where the band was. Two bland young men in red hawaii shirts, not much more than college boys, maybe war buddies, provided the piano and guitar to accompany the stunning brunette. Her hair was wavy and her skin flawless. Curves in all the right places, accentuated by the expensive dress. If she had to sing to make a living it was probably rented. She could have been straight from Hawaii, only she wasn’t the type to go on stage in a grass skirt and a lei. She had class.

When the song ended, the boys started some instrumental Aloha tune that made Mick’s skin crawl. He had endured too much Hawaii themed entertainment already. How had he let himself be talked into this by his party planners? They had convinced him that the newest addition to the United States was highly popular and that a party with leis and fruity cocktails, flashy shirts in bright colors and a beach atmosphere would be the cat’s meow. He had given them free reign just to get them out of his hair. Now he started to rue it – except for this exotic beauty in the band.

She stood at the edge of the patio, a glass of white wine in her hands, and enjoyed a short breather. He leaned on the pole next to her and asked: “Can’t you play something that’ll get this snore on it’s feet?”

She laughed, a pearly sound that made his heart swell. “Like what?”

He thought about that with knitted eyebrows and a smile. “I don’t know, like Winony Harris or just something with a little more rhythm?”

She beamed with glee over his suggestion. “How about How High the Moon?”

He grinned. “How about something from Nat King Cole? I think that would be much more shocking, coming from you. Don’t you?”

She took a step forward and watched him from below. “On one condition.”

He bent down closer to her face and his voice dropped about an octave. “Whatever you want.”

“That’s a dangerous word.” she said, and added with a husky voice: “I want you, tonight.”

And while he stood on his patio, mouth agape about her brazenness, she stepped up to the stage, exchanged a few words with her band and started the song. Heads were turning towards her. “Ain’t that just like a woman” was a risky song of choice to sing for a man, but having this lyrics sung by a woman was incredible. She did it with just a hint of sarcastic wit, a lot of charme and a confidence that would make every man forgive her for every sin a woman had ever done.

She was unforgettable. She would make a great vampire, he thought.

And he was getting way ahead of himself.
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby Lucy » Mon May 03, 2010 8:22 pm

nothing like a simple twist of fate??????

Excellent answer to the challenge! :clapping:
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby NightAir » Mon May 03, 2010 8:31 pm

What a great way to explore Coraline's motives by flipping the ML world around.

I wonder if Mick would turn her without warning and if so, would she react the way he did?

This is an eye opening little glimpse with a fresh view. I haven't read anything looking at these characters from this perspective before. I'd love to read more. :flowers:
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby fairytoes » Mon May 03, 2010 8:40 pm

Ooohhh,I liked that!! :clapping:
And I really wonder how this story would continue. :chin:

Thank you :flowers:
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby francis » Mon May 03, 2010 9:09 pm

Lucy wrote:nothing like a simple twist of fate??????

Excellent answer to the challenge! :clapping:


Thank you, Lucy. Yeah, you got my love for twists. :snicker:
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby francis » Mon May 03, 2010 9:11 pm

NightAir wrote:What a great way to explore Coraline's motives by flipping the ML world around.

I wonder if Mick would turn her without warning and if so, would she react the way he did?

This is an eye opening little glimpse with a fresh view. I haven't read anything looking at these characters from this perspective before. I'd love to read more. :flowers:


I wonder about that too, NightAir. I thought I should leave the outcome to your imagination. Coraline is quite clear in her attempt to get Mick, which is quite unusual for the time, and alluring to Mick.
More? Let's see what the muse decides. :whistle:
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby francis » Mon May 03, 2010 9:11 pm

fairytoes wrote:Ooohhh,I liked that!! :clapping:
And I really wonder how this story would continue. :chin:

Thank you :flowers:


Hmm, I wonder too. Thank you for your comment! :heart:
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby darkstarrising » Tue May 04, 2010 1:48 am

Indeed, francis, you have flipped the roles here, but in a very convincing manner....Coraline (it is Cora, isn't it?) is still a seductress, still the one in charge, but does she know what she's getting into?

I'd really like to see how that 'first date' went!!!
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby cassysj » Tue May 04, 2010 2:17 am

Really interesting twist here. I love the idea of the Mick/Cora world turning on it's head. I would love to see more if the muse allows.
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby MoonlitRose » Tue May 04, 2010 2:36 am

Francis

Nice Twist on the situation/reversals of Coraline and Mick! :clapping:

:thumbs:
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby Luxe de Luxe » Tue May 04, 2010 3:40 am

what a great twist, francis. enthralling from start to finish. I love seeing predatory Mick.
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby crazy fluffy » Tue May 04, 2010 12:16 pm

Loved it francis! :flowers:
The line about that Coraline could have been straight from Hawaii...did you wrote that because the actress of Coraline was born in Hawaii? :chin: :snicker:
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby wpgrace » Tue May 04, 2010 12:28 pm

Fabulous twist!!! :clapping:

LOVE this Mick. He is fascinating... and how I'd love to hear
francis wrote:I wanna play with that.”
in HIS voice. :melts:

And love the Hawaii connections... Shannyn AND now Alex.
Way clever.
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby allegrita » Tue May 04, 2010 10:59 pm

Oh, this is great. I love your twists, and this one... well, this one has so many unanswered questions. If Mick wasn't turned by Coraline, when was he turned, and by whom...? How old is he?! And yeah--what's going to happen when Coraline finds out Mick's a vampire--'cause I'm pretty sure this Mick wouldn't wait as long as Coraline did, to bite... :melts: :melts: :melts: :melts:

Sorry, just went off into happy-vamp-Mick dreamland for a second there... :happysigh: :happysigh: :happysigh: :happysigh:
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Re: Unforgettable (PG-13) (First Line Challenge #114)

Postby Lucy » Tue May 04, 2010 11:42 pm

allegrita wrote:Oh, this is great. I love your twists, and this one... well, this one has so many unanswered questions. If Mick wasn't turned by Coraline, when was he turned, and by whom...? How old is he?! And yeah--what's going to happen when Coraline finds out Mick's a vampire--'cause I'm pretty sure this Mick wouldn't wait as long as Coraline did, to bite... :melts: :melts: :melts: :melts:

Sorry, just went off into happy-vamp-Mick dreamland for a second there... :happysigh: :happysigh: :happysigh: :happysigh:



Well, francis did so well to cause all these questions that she should go on, right, Allegrita? (I'll lead a fan club for the tales' continuance) :cheer:
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