Cold Indigo - challenge #124 (PG)

[redwinter101]

Title: Cold Indigo
Author: redwinter101
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Moonlight or any of its characters
Note: for Champagne Challenge #124 - It's "Cold". This was inspired by Luxe de Luxe's beautiful Fall from Eden.

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--- Cold Indigo ---

Mick curled tighter, deeper into the warm glow, a blanket of isolation, the rest of the world blocked out beyond its barrier. He was inside, protected.

Safe.

Within, colour was true, an unfiltered spectrum, soft edges tinged with indigo and violet.

Points of light picked out a soft-focus blur of honey and sepia. No black, no white, no cold, no dark.

He felt her move against him, heat flowing through. The swish of her hair across his chest; the gentle rumble of her moan; her body welcoming his, connecting.

Muffled sounds as they turned and moved and held and laughed.

He didn't need to hear the chambers of her heart contract; he knew it quickened for him.
He didn't need to see the tiny muscles in her eyes tighten as her pupils dilated; he knew her desire flared for him.
He didn't need to gauge the changes in her body temperature; he knew she burned for him.

He licked his lips at this, the taste of happiness. Real, warm, human. He could let go, lose himself in the moment, forget.

No fear, no pain.

Safe.

Images, sensations, every touch and taste, flitting by, stuck on fast-forward, flashing moment to moment.

Mick clawed and gripped at the edges of consciousness, eyes pressing tighter, tighter, trying to force the retreat. A moment, just a moment longer, his silent plea. But the tide was relentless, unforgiving.

A shiver rippled through him as freezer chill forced out the dream's heat, a trail of goose bumps in its wake. His jaw clenched as the harsh, cold light filtered through. Perception's shutters rose, the prism adjusted; edges sharpened, points of pain pricking his skin as the sensory assault began.

The sluggish swirl of blood in his veins; the crackle of frost on lashes as his eyes flickered open; the buzz and hum inside his cold cocoon. Glass, steel, fluorescence, the hard edges and sharp lines of his seclusion. The start of another day.

Shaking off the foolishness of grieving for a dream, Mick rose and headed downstairs, pausing at the open door to the empty bedroom. The sinking sun recreated the dream's cruel illusion, casting a shaft of day across the bare bed.

"Is that you, Mick?" Beth's voice floated up the stairs, calm, warm, welcoming. She was here. Every night, now, she was here. The dreamtime perfection was fantasy but this reality held its own daily share of wonder. With a brief, sad smile, Mick shook off the last remnants of sleep and padded down to her.

"You slept late. Everything okay?"

He pulled her close and nodded against her neck, breathing her in. "How was your day?"

They settled on the sofa, their evening routine well-established: her day, his night, the highs and lows, holding, laughing, sometimes an argument, sometimes just the silent joy of presence.

For so long he'd imagined perfection; always slipping just out of his reach, the universe taunting him with other plans. But now, in their own imperfectly perfect existence, he had no idea what it was let alone how to achieve it. It had become a phantom, a wisp of smoke on the midnight air.

What value her humanity? What price his immortality? Where was their place in the world? Even in his momentary melancholy he smiled at the strange and wonderful notion that they might have one. It was a challenge, every day, to make it work, somehow. Each to be what the other needed. Amid the daily wonders of their life together, some days, his yearning for simplicity was overwhelming.

He rose and moved to the window, looking down to the bustling street below, the oblivious normality of the commuters and shoppers and muggers and street-sweepers.

He closed his eyes and he could see; his longed-for picture postcard dream.

He and Beth together, walking hand and hand under the glare of the setting sun.

[Luxe de Luxe]

wow, Red, I hadn't seen your A/N til after I'd read this. what an honour. Thankyou.

I was going to say that I might have to come back for a re-read and make a proper comment after I'd given this one time to percolate. This one is full of subtlety and I'd like to re-read to see if I can understand all the nuances.

I don't think I've read a fic with quite the tone of this one.. melancholy, yet hopeful. what I particularly liked was Mick's acceptance of their reality, the human and the vampire.

Loved this....

Perception's shutters rose, the prism adjusted;

and this,

Within, colour was true, an unfiltered spectrum, soft edges tinged with indigo and violet.

the safety of the womb, so warm, so comfortable. Not sure whether this was intended, but it definitely filled me with that warm sense of womb-like safety.

Mick dreams of being human, and wakes to a reality that can never be and yet

now, in their own imperfectly perfect existence,

he comes to accept that what they have and what they are is

strange and wonderful

and that

The dreamtime perfection was fantasy but this reality held its own daily share of wonder.

I think I've figured out what the unusual tone is... There is no angst, no anger, no worry, no ambivalence or rejection... Mick has submitted, he's no longer fighting the happiness life offers him, despite it being different from what he's always dreamed. The reality,

He and Beth together, walking hand and hand under the glare of the setting sun.

is just as good.

You convey a really compassionate view of these two people as a couple that makes this fic a joy to read.

[jen]

Red

This is lovely--not only the story, which gives us a glimpse of Mick and Beth as a couple, with all the inherent joys and pains. Like 'Cold' which relates to sensory percetion of the environment as it relates to internal temperature and 'indigo' which relates to color or the absence of light, Mick and Beth are two different people whose differences mesh wonderfully here.

I'm encouraged that Mick expresses the vague yearning for more. Good. That means there is room for growth, and discovery. His way of expressing his instinctive knowledge that there is more to be sought and found here. I love this section.

For so long he'd imagined perfection; always slipping just out of his reach, the universe taunting him with other plans. But now, in their own imperfectly perfect existence, he had no idea what it was let alone how to achieve it. It had become a phantom, a wisp of smoke on the midnight air.

What value her humanity? What price his immortality? Where was their place in the world? Even in his momentary melancholy he smiled at the strange and wonderful notion that they might have one. It was a challenge, every day, to make it work, somehow. Each to be what the other needed. Amid the daily wonders of their life together, some days, his yearning for simplicity was overwhelming.

Exquisite. Clearly, Mick cherishes their togetherness even as he struggles to understand it. Where are they going? What lies ahead?

We all have experienced the inner miracle of our subconsious mind 'untangling' a knotty problem we deal with while we sleep and upon awakening, find waiting as we greet the new day. Mick is working it out.

He didn't need to hear the chambers of her heart contract; he knew it quickened for him.
He didn't need to see the tiny muscles in her eyes tighten as her pupils dilated; he knew her desire flared for him.
He didn't need to gauge the changes in her body temperature; he knew she burned for him.

He licked his lips at this, the taste of happiness. Real, warm, human. He could let go, lose himself in the moment, forget.

No fear, no pain.

Yet, Mick still reaches out to take hold his humanity, which long ago passed beyond his grasp. As Beth once said to him when he begged for time to figure out where they were going, "Don't take too long. You may have forever, but I don't."

A beautiful circle. The easy answer seems to be sitting in his mind, already solved by his subconscious. But that is the easy answer, and since when does Mick ever accept the easy answer?

Fabulous!

Thanks, Red!

Jenna

[redwinter101]

Luxe, thank you so much - what an amazing comment. It was precisely that sense of acceptance I was aiming for - none of this is what Mick imagined for himself and for so long he would have become human again given any chance. But then he had that chance and found it didn't turn out quite how he expected, which leaves him with a conundrum he can't resolve.

Sadly though, the ending was little more melancholy than you found it. This

The reality,

He and Beth together, walking hand and hand under the glare of the setting sun.

is just as good.

wasn't reality, but still a part of the version of his life with Beth he wishes he could enjoy.

You convey a really compassionate view of these two people as a couple that makes this fic a joy to read.

jen, thanks for the read and the lovely comment. I agree about Mick processing, learning, growing and I am totally intrigued by your note about there being an easy answer that Mick just needs to accept. He doesn't know what it is (and neither do I!). Can you elaborate a bit?

Red

[cassysj]

Mick breaks my heart. I want him to be able to hold on to the dream before he wakes up in his freezer. You are right though, since being human didn't work out as planned what can he really wish for? He can't be the protector he wants to be for Beth or anyone as a human. He can't eat, share a bed or walk on the beach as a vampire. He doesn't want to end Beth's life but he will lose her one day if she remains human.

[redwinter101]

Mick breaks my heart. I want him to be able to hold on to the dream before he wakes up in his freezer. You are right though, since being human didn't work out as planned what can he really wish for? He can't be the protector he wants to be for Beth or anyone as a human. He can't eat, share a bed or walk on the beach as a vampire. He doesn't want to end Beth's life but he will lose her one day if she remains human.

I couldn't have put it better myself. And he breaks my heart too...



Red

[wpgrace]

OMG! Red wrote another fic!!!

Ah and how MICK is this one??? He's content, he knows the treasure he has, he knows how lovely his life is, but a part of him worries and in his dreams he acts out his fantasies and pushes those worries away.

But he knows time marches on. Time and Mick are old frenemies now. And while he has a lot of skills, he cannot predict the future.

That really makes him like the rest of us tho. He's so damned used to being better than us... it's hard to face your own limits. Even for a vampire.

[redwinter101]

OMG! Red wrote another fic!!!

Busy day...

Ah and how MICK is this one???

Now you just know how happy that makes me, right?

He's content, he knows the treasure he has, he knows how lovely his life is, but a part of him worries and in his dreams he acts out his fantasies and pushes those worries away.

But he knows time marches on. Time and Mick are old frenemies now. And while he has a lot of skills, he cannot predict the future.

That really makes him like the rest of us tho. He's so damned used to being better than us... it's hard to face your own limits. Even for a vampire.

Especially when the parameters within which he defines those limits keep shifting. Guess life'll do that to you, huh?



Red

[darkstarrising]

Wow, red, this is truly amazing

You present a portrait of a man who longs for his lost humanity, caught between the reality of what is and the dream of what he desires. This passage in particular took my breath away

He didn't need to hear the chambers of her heart contract; he knew it quickened for him.
He didn't need to see the tiny muscles in her eyes tighten as her pupils dilated; he knew her desire flared for him.
He didn't need to gauge the changes in her body temperature; he knew she burned for him.

And yet, it is only a dream, one he can't hold onto, try as he might. You can almost feel his pain as he traverses from his idyllic dream to cold reality.

A shiver rippled through him as freezer chill forced out the dream's heat, a trail of goose bumps in its wake. His jaw clenched as the harsh, cold light filtered through. Perception's shutters rose, the prism adjusted; edges sharpened, points of pain pricking his skin as the sensory assault began.

The sluggish swirl of blood in his veins; the crackle of frost on lashes as his eyes flickered open; the buzz and hum inside his cold cocoon. Glass, steel, fluorescence, the hard edges and sharp lines of his seclusion. The start of another day.

Yet the reality that replaces the dream isn't all that bad, is it?

For so long he'd imagined perfection; always slipping just out of his reach, the universe taunting him with other plans. But now, in their own imperfectly perfect existence, he had no idea what it was let alone how to achieve it. It had become a phantom, a wisp of smoke on the midnight air.

What value her humanity? What price his immortality? Where was their place in the world? Even in his momentary melancholy he smiled at the strange and wonderful notion that they might have one. It was a challenge, every day, to make it work, somehow. Each to be what the other needed. Amid the daily wonders of their life together, some days, his yearning for simplicity was overwhelming.

Sigh....your prose is wonderful, the image of a couple, unique in their love and their trials, so beautifully conveyed.

[Luxe de Luxe]

Sadly though, the ending was little more melancholy than you found it. This

The reality,

He and Beth together, walking hand and hand under the glare of the setting sun.

is just as good.

wasn't reality, but still a part of the version of his life with Beth he wishes he could enjoy.

Red

Ah, yearns for that but accepts what is. The melancholy is strong with this one Obi-Wan.

[lorig]

Perfect!!

[GuardianAngel]

I was so very happy to see you answer this challenge, Red.

I started off happy, with Mick's dream and then started to feel sorry for him. But you know what, I'm not; because who DOES live a fantasy life. We all struggle and yearn for perfection.

What value her humanity? What price his immortality? Where was their place in the world? Even in his momentary melancholy he smiled at the strange and wonderful notion that they might have one. It was a challenge, every day, to make it work, somehow. Each to be what the other needed.

Therir place is beside each other 'to make it work, somehow.' No relationship is without its challenges.

So I felt hopeful at the end, that Mick was realizing this. He can dream his postcard life. We all do.

Edited because, apparently, my fingers don't know the difference between 'there' and 'their'. *rolls eyes*

[Lucy]

it's a beautiful ache you write about.....eloquently beautiful.

[allegrita]

Oh, yes... this is perfectly, beautifully Mick. He dreams of being human, and sharing that with Beth. And he got so close to that dream (albeit temporarily), but then chose to give it up... how much more precious it must make his dream of that warmth - that ordinary, human perception - that sunlit, transitory sort of existence. I ache for him that he must sleep alone, that he's cut off from the intimacy and warmth he desires. That he's doomed to be much more and much less than he wishes to be.

But, as GA so eloquently said, which of us has everything he or she desires? Life isn't easy. Love is damned hard work, no matter who's involved. It's up to us to make life and love as good as it can be, by working together with what we've got.

I was responding to a comment in my own Challenge story, and I had a bit of an "aha" moment about yours. It struck me that Beth's belief in Mick has made the life they share possible. Mick spent his whole life not getting what he wanted and needed. Sometimes he almost got it, but things never worked out. Even with Beth, he's not getting his heart's desire--mortality. But through her, he's finally getting what he needs. She loves him for what he really is. She sees the complete man, faults and all. And she believes with her whole heart that he's a good person. Beth once said to Mick, "We make a good team." I believe that, in the world of your story, she eventually made him begin to believe that he was worthy of at least a measure of happiness. So they work with what they have, and they struggle to be happy together. A good team.

[francis]

Lovely, red! I will be back to comment properly, but for now I love it.