Eternity - PG-13

[darkstarrising]

Wow! Reality has hit....Josh is gone and she would give anything to have him back. Or would she? While he was alive, she knew she was drifting away from him....and moving toward another, one that she tries now to hurt in her grief. She speaks of hypocrisy when she hears the words:

I'm so sorry for your loss.

God, how many times have I heard those six words pass a cop's lips when relaying bad news to someone? How many times have I used them myself to coax victims into giving me their story? The hypocrisy of saying them in order to get what I want now rises up and chokes me. I know now the next time I say those words, I'll MEAN them. I WILL be sorry for someone's loss...because now I know what it's like to lose.

Yet in her grief, she fears she's guilty of another form of hypocrisy, of being dishonest with both men about her feelings for them

Josh has died for me. Mick has killed for me. Both men have offered me death as tokens of their love and both have paid the price because of it.

Beautifully done!!

[PNWgal]

GA, you KNOW 90% of my stuff wouldn't get written without your input. And...you're right. Mick picked a terrible time to come and search for validation from Beth that he did the right thing in not Turning Josh. She's in MOURNING, for crying out loud. As as far as she knew, vampirism was a sweet deal - why not give Josh that chance?

LOL, OZ - you are so right. The years go fast and sometimes you don't have a lifetime to make a decision.

Lisa, thank you. I'd apologize for soccer-balling your heart but...I'd be a hypocrite. And - easy when you have that talk with my ass - you know what that does to me.

MoonlitRose, agreed. Beth's pain was too raw - there was no room for Mick's. He was a convenient target for her anger...after all, there he stands immortal, while Josh's life was cut tragically short. As mad as I was at her for that "why do you go on living?" comment...I sort of understand it now.

DSR, thanks! I think that was a big part of Beth's guilt - that she'd been dishonest with both Josh AND Mick and one could extrapolate that Josh's death must have seemed like a punishment to her.

[RangerCM]

Just finished watching this episode about an hour ago, and then pulled this up. You really have captured the feel of the scene and added to it's depth and sorrow. Very well done, and thank you. I would imagine it took a lot out of you to write.

[PNWgal]

Just finished watching this episode about an hour ago, and then pulled this up. You really have captured the feel of the scene and added to it's depth and sorrow. Very well done, and thank you. I would imagine it took a lot out of you to write.

Thanks, Ranger - I'm glad you think I did justice to this scene. It definitely was gut-wrenching to write and I poked her and fiddled there until GA said "It's FINE! Post it!"

[mitzie]

You have really brought Beth's thoughts to life here. There was sooo much left unsaid in the show. Very powerful and intense delving into the heart of Beth. Great story!!!!

mitzie

[starbucksjunkie]

I'm so glad you wrote this. It's the fullest, by far the most wrenching--and most truthful--look at Beth after Josh's death.

I thought at first that Beth was downright cruel in that scene, but over time I've changed my mind. Her pain was raw, she's likely never seen death, Josh died in front of her, and she was just beginning to understand what his death meant, and Mick shows up when she's devastated and exhausted to pour salt in the wound. Doesn't even give her 24 hours before he's preaching at her. He's a blunt, plain-spoken man, and in that moment, a little too plain-spoken. Now when I watch that scene I want to smack him. The only time in the series I want to do that.

She's right to let him have it. He waxes poetic about the mortal coil and what he's missing, but she doesn't really see it that way--especially right them.

Bravo, lady.

[Shadow]

Always loved this scene and this story brings so, so much more to it.

Wonderful how you bring out all of Beth's conflicting and contradictory emotions. It makes her grief so real.

And when Mick says that one word, Beth, and we get to hear what she hears when he says it.... lovely. When you think back to the scene, honestly, that's got to be exactly what he couldn't find the words to say.

[allegrita]

PNW, this story is so meaningful to me, and I'm really glad you wrote it. I love the way you filled in the gaps here and brought the undercurrents in this scene to light. You wrote Beth's thoughts and feelings really beautifully. The scene of her holding Josh's hand as he was transported to the morgue was just heart-wrenching.

One of the things that happens when you lose someone to violent death is that you are furious at the world for continuing to turn. You look at everyone going about their daily lives, being happy, going shopping, having babies... and you resent the hell out of them for not just STOPPING. At least for a while. It seems impossible that the world won't pause in shock, because you are in so much shock. You can't cope. Red's right--grief is messy and contradictory. Especially when it's grief mixed with rage an guilt, and that's what Beth was feeling.

Beth's accusatory question to Mick makes complete sense in that context. Not only is she angry at him (and herself, maybe mostly at herself!) for surviving when Josh died, she's irrationally furious at Mick for not "saving" Josh...even though, when time passes, she'll realize that Mick was right--Josh would have hated being a vampire...and anyway, Mick could never do that, especially to someone who had no choice.

I agree with Eris that Beth doesn't see Mick's undeath as death. She sees it as life. Different life, but life nonetheless. And I too wonder if that will be an issue between them in the future.

One more thought. Beth is defined, in many ways, by her need to understand and define the world around her. That's why she's such a good reporter and investigator. Maybe this is because she was so completely at the mercy of the Scary Lady as a little girl. I have always viewed her question as part accusation, but part honest confusion. He keeps saying how much it sucks to exist as a vampire. She is sitting there trying to comprehend the loss of Josh, a man who did NOT want to die. Why, then, if Mick is so miserable, doesn't he just... end things? Yeah, it's devastatingly blunt, but she's too grief-stricken to govern her words. And Mick's not at all prepared to give her the true answer to her question. Whereas if he had given it to her, maybe she would have understood things a little better. Maybe.

[jen]

Wow!

That was absolutely lovely.

Your insight into that emotionally charged moment is amazing.

Thank you so much for this gem!

[Moonlightsonata]

This is a heartbreaking story. I love that you combined actual words from Love Lasts Forever into the story. I have to admit that I thought Beth's statement to Mick about why do you go on living was unnecessarily cruel but now I see he shouldn't have come by to check on her so soon. She was still in deep mourning as well as being confused. This was wonderfully written and not sure why I didn't read it sooner. Thank you.

[jen]

Came by for a reread and very glad I did.

This is so powerful. Intense. I really want to cut Beth some slack here. There are many stages of grief--there is one stage when shock wraps your senses in gauze, dulling your perceptions, softening an emotional blow that we perhaps could not otherwise deal with--but that is not where Beth is in this scene. She is at the stage where the enormity of the loss lascerates her very soul. At hat stage, the pain seems to come from all directions, and you may lash out at those trying to help. She is angry at Mick for not saving Josh with his 'heroic measures'; she's angry at his failure to turn Josh and at that time can't see any perspective other than her own. Add to that, is her self-imposed guilt for her feelings for Mick.

You don't have a good grasp on your rationality at that point (trust me on this one).

Mick is in love. Totally and completely, but I think he understands the place Beth is in and he doesn't hold her sharp words against her. Bless his heart, Mick isn't just cute, he's smart, too. Guess he learned something in those 85 years.

Beautifuuly done!!!

Thanks!

[starbucksjunkie]

I, too, am back for a reread.

This scene is of two hurting people talking past each other. And you capture it so beautifully.

Wonderful.

[Albra]

Wonderful ...
wonderful, amazing and true ...

Before I've started call myself "Moonlightaholic" I didn't bother myself with ponder over film, scenes, protagonists behaviours or theirs hidden feelings.
But it was before ... as for now ... I caught this special virus.

After reading of your story I re-watched this particular scene. I frankly can say that your words "soaked" in, giving it deeper dimension.
This is exactly what I've felt every single time, when I watch this heartbreaking scene, but ...
regrettably ... I'm not able to put my feelings into words ... so ...

thank you very much for doing it for me

[jen]

This does a wonderful job of capuring the bleakness felt by both characters in that scene.

Beth was suspended in that zone whre shock has taken over to dull the senses.

To me, the true blow to Mick came when she challenged him (rather cruelly, but in that situation, people can be very cruel without entirely planning it--the tact defaults seem to be disabled) that if he hated what he was so much, why does he keep on living. Mick laughed in humorless shock and said that he didn't know.

Tes, Beth was already moving away from Josh to Mick but at this moment, I believe that fact magnified her grief and was the root of some of her cruelty in that moment.

Just my take on it.

Wonderfully written.

Thank you!

[PNWgal]

Many thanks again to jen and Albra and everyone else that didn't get thanked the first time around.

The first time I saw LLF, I remember being so angry at Beth, it completely colored my perceptions for The Mortal Cure. How dare she blame Mick for Josh's death? But...Mick wasn't right to come looking for absolution from her when, in her mind, he'd failed her. I think what struck me most about this scene is the sheer raw grief that came through on both ends - Beth's for losing Josh (with a healthy dose of guilt tossed in) and Mick's for causing Beth that kind of pain.