Suspended Animation (PG) - 3/26/2011

[nutmegger911]

Suspended Animation
By Nutmegger911

Author’s Note: In response to the Insomnia challenge here is a peek into one Mrs. St. John’s thoughts. Thanks to Luxe de Luxe for looking it over.
Original Post Date: March 26, 2011

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


Suspended Animation
By Nutmegger911

My son died. I don’t know that for sure… but I do.

Everyone assumes it was the war, and it was, but not in the way they think. The fighting changed him – made him reckless. He never would have gone with her had it not been for that.

My boy survived Hell on earth and it wore him down. It cost him his best friend. Twice. First in a bombing attack in Italy and then again, when the man walked up the front path and into the arms of the wife he’d left behind – the one my son had fallen in love with. After that, Mick had no will to resist the allure of that vamp, that no-good shiny bauble who promised heaven but would never be a good wife to him or mother to the children he someday wanted.

When he didn’t come home, I was angry at first. Michael told me to let it be. Better to let Mick blow off some steam and come to his senses on his own, he said. If only that had been true.

When the police came to the door I was sick. My mind buzzed and I had to steady myself against the wall as they told us about the bloody crime scene. They spent months piecing clues together. They told us that Mick had married her, that they’d run away together, but the two were never found.

My son is dead. It pops out at the oddest times, like when I’m weeding the flower beds, or walking into the grocer’s. It’s as if I have to remind myself.

Sometimes people stare when that happens. Maybe they think I’m crazy, or even cruel. After all, there is no proof. But a mother knows. I know he’s gone. I’ll never see him or talk with him or hold my baby again.

You know the worst part? It’s meeting people. Idle chit chat lasts only so long before someone asks the dreaded question. Do you have children? The first time someone asked, I panicked. How do I answer that? I thought. Do I have a child? Am I still a mother? I bore him, and raised him, but he’s gone. Does that still count when he’s gone?

How do you say you can’t say when someone asks if you have children? “A son,” I say, “but he’s gone.” The conversation falters as everyone searches for a graceful way to move forward.

I’m trying. God, I’m trying.

[jen]

Nutmegger

This is wonderful.

On rare occasions, this topic is brushed over briefly, but you have tackled it head on, with style.

Mick's family, his parents and siblings, never had any real closure. There was the bloody scene where Coraline turned her new husband on their wedding night, and in a sense, that was the end of one life and the beginning of another, but while Mick may have seen them, even been close to them on occasion, they never saw him again.

While events, both good and bad, are crowded to the back by the sheer number of new memories that form in the days, weeks, months, years, decades that follow, the fact that these events involved someone they loved made it different, sharper, and the wound slower to heal.

I get when she called Coraline a 'vamp' she was just using the slang for a particular type of female and she had no knowledge of vampire society--or at least that is my assumption from usage and context.

Nicely done!

Thank you!

Jenna

[Luxe de Luxe]

I think this is fantastic. The way you've depicted Mick's mother grief is so visceral I can feel it. I also feel her courage. She keeps on going, one step at a time, even though she 'knows' her baby is gone. Heartbreaking. Beautiful. Tragic.

[darkstarrising]

nutmegger, you've tackled a part of the story few others have.....the effect of Mick's disappearance on those he left behind. Here, you show us a heartbroken mother trying to come to grips that her son is gone forever, something no parent should have to do.

The doubt is there...no bodies were ever found, but in her heart and soul, she knows he's gone.

The last line is particularly poignant, as she struggles to move beyond his death as everyone else has.

I’m trying. God, I’m trying.

BTW, loved the play on words here.

Mick had no will to resist the allure of that vamp, that no-good shiny bauble who promised heaven but would never be a good wife to him or mother to the children he someday wanted.

Like Jen, I first read it as vampire, wondering how his mother would have known that, but then I realized you were using it in the true sense of the word as 'a seductive woman'. Coraline fulfilled both meanings of the word.

[francis]

This is squeezing my heart. Poor Mrs. St John. She doesn't really know, but she knows. And there's no closure for her, that's just awful. You captured this very well.

[maggatha3]

A mother always knows, even when she pretends not to...that is what my mum has always told me..She knows, she is grieving, and unfortunatley she knows too much not to hope anymore..
Nutmegger, this is a tough one you touched here with so great finess ,only a mother is worth of...

[lynnrxgal]

Boy, this was good, NM! I especially liked your insight when someone asks her if she has children... and the awkward silence.

[MoonlitRose]

Nutmegger

Excellent way to capture Mick's mother's loss. I can't imagine the pain, to have your son disappear and never return.

While I can understand Mick's reasons for not contacting his family after he was turned, still, it is so sad and hurtful to his family to not have closure.

Great job with this difficult subject.

[nutmegger911]

Jen - Thank you so much. I struggled with the use of the word "vamp" because of its connotation here, but that was the parlance of the time.

Luxe - Thank you for everything. You don't know how much your words mean to me.

DSR - You hit on one of my favorite parts of the story. As devastated as she is, Mrs. St. John is trying to keep going. Oh, and isn't it ironic that Coraline is, by all standards, a vamp?

Francis - You make me want to squeeze your heart too, but in a hug this time.

Maggetha - Your mother sounds like a wise woman. Thank you for such wonderful comments.

LynnRx - It is so nice to see you! Thank you, your comments mean so much.

Moonlit Rose - It was a tough situation for all involved. Although Mick had his reasons, it didn't help Mrs. St. John. All she knows is that her son disappeared. I'm glad you liked the story.

[allegrita]

Oh, NM, this is a superb story. So filled with anguish and grief, and the sense of a mother's pain as she watches her beloved child fall into disaster, unable to prevent it.

You've done such a great job of portraying Mrs. St. John's knowledge that she's lost her son, that he is truly gone. It's visceral, as has been said before. I believe that a mother would know. And she's right--undead or dead, he's lost to his family, and she'll never see him again.

We all have great compassion for Mick, and talk about the tragedy of his life, the things he lost again and again and again. But he left a wake of destroyed lives behind him, often through no fault of his own--and it's important to remember that, too. It's important that the people who were devastated by the loss of Mick have a voice. And you have given his mother a beautiful, believable voice that makes my own mother's heart weep.

[MickLifeCrisis]

This was so real, it made knots in my tummy.

Excellent job, NM!

[wpgrace]

OMG I am so heartbroken. We seldom read about his mom's POV... and I don't know why, cuz a bunch of us are mothers and this one is so damn identifiable with. We can also understand her pride in her son, both as we have pride in our own kids, but we got to know her son; she had reason for pride. And yeah, Cora was a vamp as well as a vamp, and I cannot imagine Mrs. SJ would be able to tolerate her. I identify with everything you have written here, as a mother.

The mother's nightmare.

I think maybe we don't think of this POV because it is sooooo painful. It's the one pain in this show that will never go away. The characters we came to know and love, they had their histories and their ups and downs, but they all can have happy outcomes of some kind or other, or at least it's possible for them. We can imagine good and bad outcomes for them all. Not for his mom. There could never be anything else for her but just exactly what you have here. The eternal pain of a mother who has outlived a beloved child. And who never got to say good bye.

Emotional, heartbreaking, and lovely.

[nutmegger911]

Alle - Thank you so much. You are right. We tend to focus on Mick, but Coraline's selfish act left a long and wide path of destruction in its wake. Those folks may not be heard all the time, but they are important. (IMHO)

Oh, MLC and thank you.

I think maybe we don't think of this POV because it is sooooo painful.

I think you are right, Grace. Originally, I wasn't sure if I should post, for this very reason, but with some encouragement, decided to do so. Thank you for your wonderful comments.

[PNWgal]

This is really lovely, NM. I always feel so broken-hearted for Mick when he tells Beth he had to give up his friends and family when he was Turned...but so rarely do we get a glimpse of how those friends and family dealt with losing him.

As a mother, I can't imagine what would be worse - knowing my child was dead, or NEVER knowing what happened to them.

You summed up Mick's experiences in a few short but touching words - and this threw me for a second:

After that, Mick had no will to resist the allure of that vamp

Nice play on words.

Nicely done on a POV we rarely get to see.

[AussieJo]

Heartwrenching!
And very good.