Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

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Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby LynetteC » Wed Mar 25, 2009 12:56 pm

Disclaimer : No matter how much I may wish for it, these characters do not belong to me. But they sure were fun to play with!

A/N 1 : I've been advised that one use of the F-word makes this PG-13 ratable. My thanks to Redwinter101 for taking the time to keep me straight!

A/N 2 : According to the properties on the Word document I wrote this in, I started work on this story back in October 2008. Like several other pieces, it's been sitting unfinished on my laptop since then. I was only inspired to complete it when I recently came across the details of this challenge. This is my first ever fanfic, so please feel free to post concrit. You never know, it might even encourage me to resurrect my other ideas.



-----------------------------------------------

“I’m a vampire.”

No! No, no, no, no, NO!

This is NOT real. Please, somebody, tell me this is some kind of sick joke. It CAN’T be real!

My mind rejects his words just as it does the evidence right before my eyes. He sits trembling on the floor, a bag of blood clutched to his chest, the contents smeared down his chin. His normally warm, hazel eyes are gone, replaced by supernatural, milky-white irises that seem to flash almost silver when the light catches them. Then there are his teeth! Dear God, his teeth! No, not teeth – fangs! Long and sharp; images of Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee, hell, even Gary Oldman flit through my head and I don’t know whether to laugh at the absurdity of them or run screaming from the apartment.

I stay, unable to move. My feet feel like blocks of lead, weighted to the floor.

Regardless of what I see before me now, this… man?… saved my life a couple of weeks ago and only an hour or so earlier I returned the favour by shooting dead a deranged psychopath. I guess Lee Jay already knew what I’m only now finding out for myself. I saved Mick's life and now he’s telling me that he’s some kind of… what? Monster?

No!

The man I’ve come to know isn’t a monster. I feel safe with him. But which is the real Mick St. John? My saviour, or the beast cowering on the floor in front of me?

Time seems to be standing still. Subconsciously, I know only seconds have passed since Mick’s incredible statement, but it feels like a lifetime to me. There are so many questions. Are there more like him? How many more? How did he become like this? How long ago? Can he turn into a bat? A wolf? Does he drink human blood? From living people, or just from bags like the one he’s hanging onto now? I hear my own voice.

“You’re hurt. Please, let me help you.”

What the hell?! Am I losing my fucking mind? Where did THAT come from? He could probably tear out my throat without blinking even in his injured state and I’m offering to HELP him?

“No. Beth, please, you must leave. Now.” The desperation in his voice makes his words more of a plea than the order I think he meant them to be.

I don’t want to leave him in this condition. I don’t want to leave without answers. My mind rebels at the idea, but my feet begin to carry me toward him, regardless. He turns his back to me, tucking his head down behind his raised knees, deliberately hiding his face. His earlier words suddenly echo in my head, “Please don’t look at me.” He’s ashamed! Of what he is? That his secret’s been discovered? Is he afraid I’ll expose him to the world via Buzzwire?

Suddenly, I notice the drying blood and the buckshot holes in the back of his coat and my stomach ties itself in knots. I feel bile burning at the back of my throat. It’s funny, I didn’t feel this sick earlier when I shot Lee Jay Spalding. It must be shock setting in. Yeah, that’s it. Shock. That would explain why my hands are shaking, my knees feel like they’re about to give way and I’m hallucinating that the perfectly normal Private Investigator I’ve been working with recently is some kind of blood-sucking freak with white eyes and sharp fangs…

“Mick, I just want – ”

He turns his head at the sound of my voice, looking over his shoulder with haunted white eyes. Did he just growl? Shit!

“You need to leave. It’s not safe for you to be here. I have someone coming over. A friend. I don’t know how he’ll react to you… knowing. Please, Beth.”

A friend? Another vam– someone like him? So there ARE more! How many? Are they only here in L.A.? The U.S.? Worldwide?!

Something in his voice tells me I’d be better off not being here when whoever… whatever… arrives. But it’s what I’ve seen in his eyes that makes my decision for me. The torment, the shame; somehow I know that part of his suffering is caused by my being here, seeing him this way. Whatever he is, behind that ghastly facade I know the man I’ve come to consider my friend is still there and I don’t want to be the cause of his pain.

“Alright Mick, I’ll go. Not because I want to but because you want me to. I’ll call you. Soon. OK?”

-----------------------------------------------

I’m sitting in my car with no recollection of how I got here. I don’t even remember leaving Mick’s apartment, although I remember telling him I’d call him soon. My hands are still shaking, my head is throbbing and I can’t seem to focus my eyes properly. All I can think of are those three words that have turned my reality into the Twilight Zone, “I’m a vampire.”

Again, images of old movies rise unbidden in my mind; Christopher Lee holding out his cape as he turns into a bat and flies out of a window… I find myself laughing hysterically until the tears finally fall and I fight to catch my breath between sobs.

I close my eyes and all I can see is Mick. My friend, hurt, ashamed, huddled against the wall trying to hide himself from me. I think I’m losing my mind. I killed a man tonight, yet it’s Mick I’m crying for. With my hands on the steering wheel, I bring my head down onto the central column with a thump. Not hard enough to activate the horn, but hard enough to give myself something to concentrate on other than the insanity that has suddenly invaded my life. I lift my head and repeat several times more until the sound of another car approaching brings my attention back to the real world.

A flashy, red sports car with its roof down screeches to a halt near the elevator and a tall, slim, vaguely familiar looking young man in an expensive suit gets out. He reaches across the seats and grabs a cooler bag. It occurs to me that it looks completely at odds with his designer business attire and that he really should be carrying a briefcase. How bizarre that such trivial things can spring to mind amid all this chaos. I watch the new arrival as he quickly looks around the garage. His gaze seems to settle on my car for a couple of seconds then he appears to sniff the air before vanishing right before my eyes! I blink, rubbing away tears, but the car is still there and guy is still gone! I’m guessing THAT was the mysterious somebody Mick was waiting for. I’m also guessing that’s how Mick has been able to pull that disappearing stunt on me. A vampire ability? What is it, invisibility? Absurd, I know, but no weirder than the thought of vampires walking amongst us.

I hear a sound. Buzzing, humming like… my phone! By the time I find it in the bottom of my purse, the call has already gone to voicemail. Looking at the screen, I feel my stomach twist. Josh. And eight missed calls! Carl must’ve told him about what happened over at the warehouse. He’ll be frantic by now, knowing what I’ve done and wondering where I am but I’m really not in the mood for explanations. I guess I have to call him. At least I can stop him coming back to my apartment tonight. I really to be alone to process all of this.

"Josh?"

“Beth! Thank God! I’ve been worried sick about you, not being able to get hold of you. Where are you? Are you OK? Are you home? I’ll come over an-,”

"No, Josh! Josh!” I finally manage to interrupt him. “I’m fine, honestly. I’m just trying to make sense of things.”

“Hang on and I’ll come over. I’ll bring some wine and we can-”

“Josh, no. I need to handle this on my own. I’m not at home yet anyway.”

“Not home? Where are you? With St. John?”

Uh oh!

“No.” Well, I’m not now, so it’s not really a lie. “I… I’ve been… driving. Just trying to get my head together. But I really feel like I need to be alone tonight. Please, Josh? I wouldn’t be very good company if you came over, anyway. Look, I’ll come by your office tomorrow and we can talk. We can have dinner tomorrow night and you can sleep over. Tonight, I just need some space.”

“Oh… well, if you’re sure. But I really think you should let me stay with you tonight. In case, you know… the nightmares.”

I know he’s concerned but I really don’t feel like discussing what happened tonight. Besides, what can I say? That won’t land me in the nearest psych ward, anyway? Is that what this is? A psychotic break brought on by shooting a man dead?

“Beth? Are you still there?”

Josh’s concerned voice brings me back to reality. Shaking my head to clear it, I take a deep breath before I reply.

“Sorry Josh, I’m a bit… distracted. Don’t worry about me, honey. I’ve been coping with the nightmares since I was little. Just give me tonight to sort myself out. Please?”

“Beth, I really don’t think you should be alone-”

“Look, Josh, I’ve got to go. I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Just… just don’t worry, OK? Goodnight sweetie.”

Hanging up quickly before he can protest anymore, I close my eyes and lay my head on the steering wheel. I feel bad cutting him off like that but I need some time alone to think and decide how I'm going to handle the sitution.

The cool plastic of the steering column feels good against my flushed cheek. As I rest my tired eyes, I hear Josh’s words, “In case, you know… the nightmares.” It’s true that I’ve dealt with them since I was kidnapped as a little girl. Well, since I was returned home, anyway. They were always the same. The scary woman in the lacy white dress. My rescuer, or as I used to call him as a child, my ‘Guardian Angel’. The violent fight between them. But surely that was only in my childish imagination. No woman could ever put up that much of a fight! I’ve always been able to see their figures, but never their faces, until recently. After Mick saved me from that crazy T.A. he began to take the starring role of 'Guardian Angel' in my dream. I don't think Josh was too happy when I started calling Mick's name in the middle of the night, but he was certainly understanding and supportive. I'm so lucky to have him. I just wish he hadn't mentioned the nightmares.

I can see the room now. By the light of the oil lanterns it looks shabby and abandoned. The scary lady tells me that we're going to meet my new Daddy. I don't know why we have to meet him in such a dirty, old building. Have I been naughty? Is that why I have to have a new Mummy and Daddy? I promise I’ll be a good girl in future if I can just go home to my real Mummy. I don’t want a new Daddy or a new Mummy. I’m scared.

I can hear heavy footsteps and a man’s voice calling my name. The lady puts her finger to her lips to signal me to keep quiet then she jumps up into the rafters. I feel my eyes open wide in amazement. Nobody I know can jump that high, not even my Mummy and she can do anything! The man comes into the room and this time I can see his face – it’s Mick! But before he can reach me, the scary lady jumps down and takes hold of me.

“Coraline!”

Mick knows her?

“I knew you’d find us, Mick.”

“I’m not going to let you hurt her.”

“It’ll work Mick. Just me, you and baby.”

Huh? Mick’s my “new Daddy”?

“No!”

Mick lunges for the woman and as he does I see them both change. Their eyes glow and their teeth look like the vampire fangs Mummy bought me for Halloween. Then they start throwing each other around the room. I crouch in the corner, curling myself up as small as I can, hoping to hide away from the terrifying fight and the awful growling noises coming from the two adults as they battle over me. Suddenly everything goes quiet and then I hear Mick’s voice.

“Come on Beth. I’m going to take you home.”

I look up to see his outstretched hand. He looks normal. Perhaps it was the flickering light from the oil lamps that made him look so scary before. I reach up and grasp his hand allowing him to pull me up and lift me into his arms. I feel so safe now.

The next thing I know I’m waking up in his apartment and he’s telling me how he rescued me from Daniel, Professor Ellis' assistant. It turns out he was the one who killed Kelly and Chloe. I could swear I saw Daniel stab Mick just before I passed out in the car. I don’t get it. There’s blood around the hole in his shirt but he’s not injured. I reach out to touch the place where the wound should be, but before I can ask him how he managed to avoid the knife, he answers anyway.

“It’s because I’m a vampire!”

I look up, shocked at his words and notice his deathly grey pallor. His white eyes reflect the flames of the fire and he smiles at me, revealing his fangs.

I jump in fright and bang my head on the steering wheel! Holy crap! THAT's a whole new twist on my nightmares. How the hell did I manage to fall asleep here, now, with everything that’s just happened? And just how much of that dream was brought on by Mick’s confession and how much was real recollection? A lot of it is hazy already, but I remember parts of the conversation between Mick and my kidnapper that I'm pretty sure I've never dreamed about before. Obviously there is a reason why I'm dreaming about Mick. Perhaps now that I know his secret he'll be able to explain it to me.

I have so many questions and only one man has the answers. Unfortunately he’s not going to be telling me anything tonight.

My head is still reeling from the events of the evening and the revelations in my dream, but I finally feel ready to drive home. I need coffee, or perhaps something stronger to calm my nerves. I doubt I’ll be fit for work tomorrow so I’ll call Mo to tell her I’m sick and won’t be in. Besides, I have to go and give my statement to Carl, but before I do that I need to work out what I’m going to say so that I don’t incriminate Mick in any way.

There’s still a lot I have to come to terms with, but if there’s one thing I’m already sure of it’s that I could never do anything to hurt Mick.

His is the one secret I’ll never betray.
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My first ever fanfic Revelations (PG-13) Mick/Beth in response to Champagne Challenge #103
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : MOVED to PG 13

Postby wpgrace » Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:03 pm

This is reallllly good... I love her thought process IN his apartment and then later in the garage. She is very smart here, but obviously there are some things she's not gonna be able to figure out on her own. She knows that, and fully intends to get her answers from Mick later! Very Beth!

I also love the conversation with Josh... that seemed very realistic to me... her obsession with Mick had already started before this vampire angle, but now with this additional info... well impossible to focus on Josh, eh?

My favorite part is how you have her leaving Mick... she is concerned, she is afraid, she is freaked, but she still sees her friend first and foremost, she believes he will be taken care of by his mysterious friend, and she doesn't want to be the cause of pain or embarrassment for him. That did seem to be a dynamic at work there... and you wrote the exchange very well.

I hope you will write more!
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby wpgrace » Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:05 pm

I left this on the original post too... anyway!!!

This is reallllly good... I love her thought process IN his apartment and then later in the garage. She is very smart here, but obviously there are some things she's not gonna be able to figure out on her own. She knows that, and fully intends to get her answers from Mick later! Very Beth!

I also love the conversation with Josh... that seemed very realistic to me... her obsession with Mick had already started before this vampire angle, but now with this additional info... well impossible to focus on Josh, eh?

My favorite part is how you have her leaving Mick... she is concerned, she is afraid, she is freaked, but she still sees her friend first and foremost, she believes he will be taken care of by his mysterious friend, and she doesn't want to be the cause of pain or embarrassment for him. That did seem to be a dynamic at work there... and you wrote the exchange very well.

I hope you will write more!
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby LynetteC » Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:32 pm

wpgrace wrote:I left this on the original post too... anyway!!!

This is reallllly good... I love her thought process IN his apartment and then later in the garage. She is very smart here, but obviously there are some things she's not gonna be able to figure out on her own. She knows that, and fully intends to get her answers from Mick later! Very Beth!

I also love the conversation with Josh... that seemed very realistic to me... her obsession with Mick had already started before this vampire angle, but now with this additional info... well impossible to focus on Josh, eh?

My favorite part is how you have her leaving Mick... she is concerned, she is afraid, she is freaked, but she still sees her friend first and foremost, she believes he will be taken care of by his mysterious friend, and she doesn't want to be the cause of pain or embarrassment for him. That did seem to be a dynamic at work there... and you wrote the exchange very well.

I hope you will write more!


Thank you so much for taking the time to comment not just once, but TWICE! :hearts:

I'm so glad you liked it, particularly the exchange with Josh. I almost took that whole section out because I thought I was trying to cram too much into the story. However, I also wanted to show how Mick was already sneaking into their relationship, even at this early stage.

"Where are you? With St. John?”

Uh oh!


I imagine that Josh wasn't overly happy at her disappearing with Mick whilst he was at the DA's office setting up the phony Press Release - especially since she's been calling out his name in her sleep! :snicker:

As for me writing more - well, stranger things have happened! :lol: I have at least two more ideas sitting on my laptop half done and I *do* seem to have the writing bug just now. Now if I could just add an extra couple of hours into the day....

Thanks again for your kind comments.

:hug:

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My first ever fanfic Revelations (PG-13) Mick/Beth in response to Champagne Challenge #103
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby francis » Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:30 pm

Oh, this is good. I really like that you chose Beth's POV. And that she went away concerned for him, only because she realized that the shame he felt was aggravated by her being there. And that she put Josh at ease while pushing him away, it's the beginning of the end for them. You take several issues that Beth had at the time and make them into a compelling story. I really like how analyzing she is, even of her own feelings, it fits her.
And she remembers more of the kidnapping now and still is confused about what is fantasy and what is memory. Very good.
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby coco » Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:29 pm

Lynette I had no idea you wrote fic :yahoo:

This was excellent. As quite a few people here know, I adore when things are written from Beth's POV. I love her as a character so much and love seeing what the author's do with her POV.

I too am a fan of the conversation with Josh. Beautifully handled :thumbs:

You come away with an overall impression of how she cares for Mick and you show her concern for him very well here.

I really hope you'll be back with more stories :reading:
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby Carisa ITT » Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:10 pm

:yahoo: Well, welcome to the ranks of those who've caught the writing bug! Believe me - your life will not be the same.... :yahoo: :yahoo:

And have we been living in each others heads or what? :hug: :D :snicker: So I don't need to tell you how much I enjoy this take on what happened....


Since you say you already have more written on your laptop - any estimate on posting then?
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby mitzie » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:34 pm

Wonderfully written! Her feelings, her exploration of them are spot on Beth. Very realistic--stunning!!!! Hope to see more of your writing soon... :yahoo: :clapping: :clapping: :gasp: :Mickangel: :clapping: :hyper: :hyper: :woohoo: :juggle: :clapping: :thud: :thud: :rose:

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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby darkstarrising » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:50 pm

LynetteC,

this is wonderful :hearts: You capture Beth's reaction very realistically....she's shocked, but not to the point of running away, but surprised at herself for wanting to stay and help. She's trying to figure out just who this man is....

The man I’ve come to know isn’t a monster. I feel safe with him. But which is the real Mick St. John? My saviour, or the beast cowering on the floor in front of me?


She recognizes Mick as a man, not a monster, yet perhaps something else as well ('beast'). Someone who saved her recently, but someone who could kill her in an instant. You convey how all of this swirls around in an instant in her head while she's in the apartment and continues to swirl as she sits in the car.

I also like how you used Josh's comment about the nightmares to help her start to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Nice twist.
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby LynetteC » Fri Mar 27, 2009 6:29 am

Firstly, I have to say I'm incredibly humbled that some of my favourite authors have not only taken the time to read my fic, but to comment on it too. The fact that you all have only nice things to say AMAZES me! Thank you everyone! :thanks: :worship: :heart: :notworthy: :curtesy: :thanks:


Francis - I'm so glad you like it. I imagine that Beth feels a connection to Mick even this early in their relationship - after all, she's even started dreaming about him! So when she realises that her presence is causing him discomfort, she backs off, but she's not letting him off the hook - she's calling him SOON! :snicker:

coco -
coco wrote:Lynette I had no idea you wrote fic :yahoo:
Nor did I! :lol: I was concerned that I hadn't captured Beth's 'voice' and character in this, but once I started writing again, it all came so quickly. I'm most surprised that the telephone conversation with Josh is so popular, considering it was the one part I was most unsure of!

Carisa - Having had the chance to read the rest of the entries for this challenge, I now know what you mean about us living in each others heads! :gasp: I SWEAR I never read your story (or any of the other entries for that matter) before I completed mine, for the very reason that I didn't want to be unduly influenced. I was amazed at how similar some parts of ours were - and then I go and find your Beth POV drabble called Revelation! I think I need to find a new title for this piece - any suggestions? :confusing:

mitzie - Thanks for the compliment. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

darkstarrising - Yes, Beth's pretty confused. All the myths she knows about vampires say they're dangerous, evil creatures but she can't reconcile that with the man she's come to know. However, she also realises that there's a part of Mick that *could* be dangerous and she's struggling to put these two sides of him together in her mind.


Thanks again everyone for all your positive feedback. I'm sure that now I've completed one story, I'll find the inspiration to finish some more. I won't promise how soon though because right now there just aren't enough hours in the day!

:ghug:

L. xx
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My first ever fanfic Revelations (PG-13) Mick/Beth in response to Champagne Challenge #103
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby Carisa ITT » Fri Mar 27, 2009 7:01 am

LynetteC wrote:Carisa - Having had the chance to read the rest of the entries for this challenge, I now know what you mean about us living in each others heads! :gasp: I SWEAR I never read your story (or any of the other entries for that matter) before I completed mine, for the very reason that I didn't want to be unduly influenced. I was amazed at how similar some parts of ours were - and then I go and find your Beth POV drabble called Revelation! I think I need to find a new title for this piece - any suggestions? :confusing:

:ghug:

L. xx


:smooch: :smooch: :smooch: :grouphug:

Lynette - some of the amazing comments I had received on my own piece stated how well I was channeling Beth's voice, how realistic my portrayal was and all that. Thing is, even though I had to start over three times in writing my piece this was a technical glitch, not writer's block or somesuch. In fact, this was one of the pieces which to me felt like I was taking dictation. I listened, typed and published without changing a thing. Same with those drabbles you found. Some muse dictated, exactly 100 words each time. I published but did not dare changing a single thing about them. (Okay, in case of this challenge piece I did actually get started by rewatching the beginning of 1.03 a few times to find out what Beth did and did not know when going back to Mick...).

Someone I PM'd with in private for a few month told me that there is a theory those stories may actually exist independent of us writers and are just looking for an outlet to get shared. (It often certainly feels that way to me...) Looks like you have been tagged then - are you prepared for a wild ride? :smooch: :cheering: :hyper: And if a muse told you that Revelations is your title, well, then that's your title. After all, we had a challenge a few month ago where every single contribution started with exactly the same title and the same first paragraph (Picking up the pieces). And look how different those all turned out. Each one worthy in it's own right though. :woohoo:

So if the muses use you for dictation - I can't wait what else there's in store for us. :worship: :yahoo: :yahoo:
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby allegrita » Wed Apr 08, 2009 8:52 am

LynetteC, I didn't see till tonight (um, this morning) that you'd written a story in response to the challenge. I wanted to tell you how impressed I am with it--especially since it's your first fanfic. You have a good grasp of pacing: your story moved really well. And I loved the phone conversation with Josh--I'm very glad you didn't take it out! The memory/dream of the fight between Mick and Coraline was really excellent, too. Altogether, I was very impressed with this story.

I do hope you write more, if you find that extra hour or two in the day. (And if you do, would you please let me know? Because man, I could sure use it... :snicker:
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby Moonlighter » Sat Sep 05, 2009 6:30 am

LynetteC, I just came across this and it was truly impressive for your first fic. I really felt Beth working through her confusion and reactions to her revelations. Well done! I see you "threatened" to write more -- I hope you do.
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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby jen » Sun Sep 26, 2010 1:20 am

LynetteC

This is wonderful!

I love the little detail of Beth seeing Josef arrive and go up to the loft, knowing that he is who Mick called. Beth is sharp, but she is also not going to betray Mick's secret.

Very nice.

Thanks

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Re: Revelations - Champagne Challenge #103 : PG-13

Postby cassysj » Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:08 am

This is a really great look at Beth's POV. I love looking at these older challenges again.
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