Drabble: Till Death (PG-13)

[allegrita]

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Here are two versions of a drabble I wrote, in response to the challenge to fill in the space between two lines of dialogue--in this case, from Episode 10, "Sleeping Beauty". It is written from Mick's point of view and is in the first person. The second version is plays with the line order in order to create a visual image as well as a mental and emotional one.

Thanks to MyImmortal for playing with the line order with me.

Rated PG-13 for vampire themes and implied violence and sexuality.


Drabble: Till Death (version 1)


“You still care for her, don’t you?”

How can you look at me with your 20-something callowness and ask that question, Beth?
She was a siren, beckoning from the rocks.
She stole my music.
She was my executioner.
She sucked the life from me and replaced it with hot, sweet poison.
She was the angel of desire.
She hit me like a tornado, ripping me off my foundation, slamming me into a different world.
She was the monster that lurks in the dark.
She smiled while I tore out the throat of some poor girl I never even knew.
She was my teacher.
She was my mother.

“She was my wife.”



Drabble: Till Death (version 2)


“You still care for her, don’t you?”

How can you look at me with your 20-something callowness and ask that question, Beth?
She hit me like a tornado, ripping me off my foundation, slamming me into a different world.
She was the monster that lurks in the dark.
She sucked the life from me and replaced it with hot, sweet poison.
She was the angel of desire.
She smiled while I tore out the throat of some poor girl I never even knew.
She was my teacher.
She was a siren, beckoning from the rocks.
She stole my music.
She was my executioner.
She was my mother.

“She was my wife.”

[nutmegger911]

Whoa! Powerful.

[darkstarrising]

powerful indeed!! For what it's worth, the first version appeals to me more. The flow from siren to executioner to angel to monster just seems a bit better. But both are good.

[Fleur de Lisa]

Dark and true---poor Mick.

[ash]

Wow, very powerful. That line "she was my wife" it always said it all for me

[allegrita]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate your comments.

[nutmegger911]

I just picked this because of the anniversary date, and what a wonderful pleasure. It still holds the power it did on the first read. A wonderful drabble, Alle. (I especially loved the first version. )

[allegrita]

Thanks nutmegger! Looking back on it, I like the first version better, too. I paired the lines in that one to be complements to each other. The second version looks cool (kinda wide to narrow) but as far as the meaning goes, the first version works better for me.

[librarian_7]

Maybe it's because I read the first one first...that does have an influence, you know?...but I do like it better. The pairing of concepts works so well.

Thanks, Alle, this is very insightful.

Lucky

[Lucy]

so many reasons........so many emotions.
Brava!

[allegrita]

Lucky and Lucy, thanks so much for commenting. I really appreciate your thoughts!

[francis]

Wow, this hit me again like a ton of bricks. So poignant. I like the first one too, but the second one has this change from the bad things they experienced to the overall concept of what Coraline was for him. It's cool.

[Lilly]

I just picked this because of the anniversary date...

What a wonderful idea! Thank you for doing that, NM, because I had forgotten about this one.

Very powerful, Alle. There was so much weight in the words that Mick spoke aloud, there just had to be so much more flashing through his mind. Coraline defined who he became in so many ways, but he chose the four words that Beth needed most to understand. Beautifully done.

[allegrita]

Thanks francis and Lilly! That pause, and the look on Mick's face, seemed to me to be absolutely overflowing with unsaid words. It's fun to try to fill those silences, isn't it?

[jen]

Very powerful!

Coraline swept away all the things that grounded Mick. His family, his music, his friends, everything outside of his new condition. We have formed our opinions with only a few quick scenes and some words from the characters.

Josef seemed more aware Mick's obsession with Coraline than he was--or perhaps was more conscious of her hold over him as his sire.

Either way, this was wonderful! You convey so much is few words.

Thank you!

Jenna